My third installment is here. This one is about you kids and how to run away from baddies. Officially titled "Hurry the ******** Up and Get the ******** Out," I hope you learn something that could save your life, and a little piece of humanity.

In every 80's horror movie there is that poor girl who can't escape the slowly moving doom while she runs through the barren field or cluttered house. Numero Uno, don't get into this position. You should ALWAYS sneak and never give away your position. (especially when in a house or other confined area)

Though, we will always make mistakes and you, in all likelihood, will end up in shitty situations. So when your shovel falls from the strap you should have secured and all the boogymen head out for the hunt, try using some of these tips.

Don't panic, save your oxygen. Robot mode activate. Find the first and fasted exit and pace yourself. Now out in the new, look around. In this scene, you cannot think of the world in 2D as you usually do. Anyone ever tell you the fastest way to get from point A to B is in a straight line? Well that's bullshit. (at least here sweatdrop ) The objective is to put as much distance, stuff, wall, matter, and physical s**t between you and your pursuers. The best way to achieve this is to go forward, left, right, up and down. Get yourself over walls, over buildings, over water, over ledges, under gates, and under ground.(see storm sewer article) "But John, how do I get over these things?" Well the answer is easy there whippersnapper. Take a look at these, and don't forget practice makes perfect.

Springboard: Ever watch gymnastics with those Street Fighter-esque girls jumping off that small bent board? See how they fly into the air? You don't need springs at all, this effect can be recreated on almost anything that fits the size. What you are doing here is converting forward momentum into upward energy. All you need is to run really fast at a foot high piece of (firm and rigid) material, including cement or crates, and run off of it. Don't worry about bending down to jump, the step up will compensate, you just need to spring yourself from standing position. My favorite springboard setup is two, foot high ledges one behind the other. This can send me probably 6 feet into the air and 9-10 feet horizontally. Play with this, it's worth it.

Mantle: Also called vaulting, this is an easy to learn skill used to swiftly clear fences, or other obstacles. The user approaches the obstacle at a high speed, jumps into a half assed barrel roll, and puts out their hand to push off the obstacle and right themselves. If you want more information look at any parkour video. (not the same as free-running but they use it too.)

Wall run: Don't worry, I don't expect you to ninja turtle your a** up a wall. This can be as simple as a single foot pressed against a wall just to gain some extra pop. This can be useful when trying to crab a ledge to get on top of a building.

Rolling: Not only does it save Link from moaning like a whore and losing heart pieces, it can enhance your mental balls and allow you to drop from very high levels onto hard ground. The basic idea is to use your legs to break your fall but only 50% and fall forward onto your back to absorb the rest of the impact. Play around in some grass or something, you'll get it.

Now I hope you don't get chased down the football field in your ladies underwear and devoured. If this guide becomes or is already too easy and juvenile, look into more parkour guides. David Belle can show you a few more things than I can.

-JD