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 Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 8:35 am
So,
I think we already know, my daughter was conceived in rape.
However, the question still lingers; "Do I tell him about her or not?"
My attacker had been arrested, and the last time we saw each other was in court. However, he does not know that he had gotten me pregnant, and he does not know that I still have his daughter.
I've been given a good point that he might try to harm her. He very well could. He has only been sentenced to two years in county jail, and he does know where I live. In this case, I put faith in him that he will not do anything to her, and if he does, I'll do everything in my power to stop him.
Legally, all parental rights are signed off to me. But, if something were to happen to me, my mother would take custody over my daughter. But in the event that she cannot.... He would get parental rights over her.
It's somewhat unfair. But despite what he did, he is her biological father, and I would like for my daughter to at least see him once. Even if she won't remember it.
What do you think? Should I tell him that he has a child, or not?
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 11:06 am
For me I dont think it matters that he is the biological father. parenthood (not sure if thats the term I should be using) should be determined by love and since this man is a rapist I cant see how he could be filled with the love it takes to be a part of your sweet childs life.
With all this said I am not really familiar with your stry and in no way know what kind of man your offender truly is but I know that no matter how good of a man he could have been he has broken trust, and that leaves the door open for him to do more damage.
I know how precious children are and i would just beafraid of him getting anymore sick ideas in his head if he found out there was now a child involved; ranging to him even becoming fixated on you and your child becasue he was her biological father.
I don't know if this really helps you but maybe it gave you some more opnion to weigh your thoughts with, and at least you have time to think about it still.
But for me the cons outweigh the pros.
be blessed
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 2:19 pm
Thank you for your input though.
And I honestly appreciate that you're not telling me what to and what not to do. c:
I'd honestly rather hear some helpful input rather than,
"tell him" or "don't tell him".
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Posted: Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:12 pm
I can see where your coming from,
But it's really unwise and unsafe to let him know. I don't know this man as an individual, so I can only make assumptions, but since he does know where you live, it'd just be safer to not let him know.
You don't know what he's capable of doing, and you don't know if he has a motive to do you or your daughter harm.
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 7:36 am
That's a complicated situation you have there.
Although I voted "yes" in the poll thingy, now that I've thought more about it, I'm not sure. There's the possibility that he may harm your daughter (or even you again or both) when he gets out of jail. But then there's the possibility that he won't. People can sometimes change while they're incarcerated. But not everyone.
What I'm really trying to say is weigh your options and do what you think you should do.
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:45 pm
this is my opinion but i think you shouldn't tell him about your daughter , for the child's safety, unless hes learned his lesson
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Posted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:10 am
ChildoftheMoon14 What I'm really trying to say is weigh your options and do what you think you should do.
But majority of it will all be guesstimations. I honestly don't know if he will change or not, I don't think I know him well enough for that...
But then again, I don't want to put too much faith in him that it might endanger me or my daughter.
The only reason I would even want him to meet her is so that she can grow up knowing that her father knows about her, and that he does exist somewhere.
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Posted: Tue Aug 10, 2010 12:48 pm
Welcome Bucky The only reason I would even want him to meet her is so that she can grow up knowing that her father knows about her, and that he does exist somewhere. Oh, I know what you mean. That might be one reason my mom did what she did. I was adopted, but I know my birth mom (she's my adopted mom's best friend). I also know my birth dad. My mom took me to see him twice. Unfortunately, he denied me being his daughter to my face both times, but who cares.
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