The pups were growing at an amazing rate. She supposed that it wasn't any quicker than other pups, but to her the days seemed to fly by. It wasn't like she was having any particular fun, or that her life was nothing but bliss. In reality, her life was rather dim and dark. Other than the pups, she had no reason to continue living. It was only their need for a mother that kept her going through the hard times, and she knew that they noticed this. Other than occasionally reading her childrens' minds, Hallie found that she didn't want to use her powers. It could have been part of the depression, but she knew the truth: she didn't want to let her mind range out and happen upon someone who she really would rather not think about. She didn't want to know whether their father was nearby, hanging around and waiting for an opportunity. More likely than not, she knew, he was long gone and she would find nothing when she let her mind wander. Still, though, she refused to take the chance.
As it was, she was living more like a normal lone than ever before. She wondered vaguely if her powers could slip away due to lack of use, and wondered also if she would mind terribly if they did vanish. She supposed she would, if only because she had once relied on them so heavily. She may not continue to use them so much anymore, but just having them there in case was enough to ease her nerves. If they had gone...
The sandy female shook her head, not wanting to think about what if this and what if that. All she wanted to concentrate on was the present, yet it was rather difficult when, at the moment, her daughters were asleep and she had no other option but to watch them and to think to herself. These were the most dangerous of moments in her day, she knew. Often, memories were brought up and caused her tremendous pain, yet she refused to banish them. Her past was riddled with pain and struggle, but it had all led up to who she was now. Even as a shadow of herself, she knew she couldn't let it go. Things might get better one day, so what was the use of ending it before then?
Her musings were interrupted as she felt the dreams begin to slip away from both daughters' minds. Although she didn't actively use her seer powers, she found that some had become subconsciously controlled. Perhaps it was because her daughters were her flesh and blood, but whatever the reason she seemed unnaturally attuned to their minds. Even when she didn't want to, she would get tricklings of their thoughts into her own mind.
Hallie waited until one pup was completely up and conscious. The first to awaken was Deka, the darker of the two pups. Although she would never admit it out loud, she was probably Hallie's favorite, if only because her fur wasn't so much like her father's. She was also quiet and obedient, not causing much trouble unless her sister started it first. Said sister stirred not long after, making a show of waking up. She twisted and turned, yawning several times and making various squeaks and whines. Morning was her least favorite time of day.
Both pups awoke to the sight of their mother watching them. This wasn't completely unusual, and so they weren't bothered by that. What they were bothered by was the look on their mother's face. She usually had a sad look upon her face, but today her features were twisted into something similar to pain and despair. The pups looked at one another, their thoughts racing through possibilities. Hallie frowned as she picked up on these. She knew that her daughters were more observant than other puppies might be, but she had never wanted to complicate their lives further. She tried to give them the best with what resources she had, but she knew that she could only give them so much. The fact that she was taking away what happiness they might have by appearing forlorn cut her deep.
"Mama?" a small voice called. It was Deka, the normally quiet one. Her speaking proved that the seeress looked worse than usual.
"Yes, dear?" she replied sweetly, forcing a smile.
"What's wrong, Mama?" She tilted her head quizzically, as if she could figure it out from a different perspective. Namu copied her motion almost exactly, as she, too, tried to figure it out.
"Nothing is wrong, my dears. Your mother simply got little rest last night."
"Why?" Namu piped in, looking at her sister quickly, then back towards her mother.
"Just thinking," Hallie replied honestly.
There was a small silence. Then Deka spoke once more: "About Daddy?" The silence following that question was tremendous, and filled with a certain tension that made all three females uneasy. Namu glanced at her sister, wondering where the courage had come from. Both had been wondering about their father, but neither had had the guts to ask before. Perhaps it had just gotten too much to keep locked up inside. She needed to know now.
Hallie's reaction was to sigh and shake her head. "You two have no father." It was partially true. They did have a physical, biological father, but not the figure in which to play an important influence within their lives. The pups must have picked up on this double meaning, for they looked at one another doubtfully. Their mother snorted, irritated about this new subject occupying their minds. "Just drop it, you two. You've got me, and nobody else. Got that? Don't go worrying about someone who will never be of any help or support to you. You've got to work with what you've got, and to stop worrying about what might or could have been. Don't rely on anyone else other than those that are immediately close to you, if that. But it is always yourself first, others later. That's the way of the lone." After that extended speech, Hallie threw herself to the ground, resting on her side with her back to her puppies.
Namu approached her mother cautiously. "Do you put yourself before us, Mother?" she asked, a trace cruelly. Her mouth was sealed shut in the next instant as her mother craned her head about to glare at her daughter.
"Don't you ever think that. I am your mother, and you pups always come first. A lone wolf has to look out for himself, but a mother will always think of her children first, no matter her circumstance." Her tone was so solid and harsh that it left no room for rebuttal. Feeling her patience wearing thin, and so early in the morning, Hallie decided it would be best to go somewhere else to cool off. Sighing, she rose to her paws and shook out the dirt that clung stubbornly to her lightly colored fur.
"You children stay here, okay? Momma's gonna go hunt and get some breakfast for you two." She took a moment to look over her pups, and then she was off into the forest. Her daughters stayed in the small clearing that was their current residence. They looked at one another, and shivered simultaneously. There was something about their father that their mother resented, something that kept her from talking about him, and they were suddenly rethinking their desire to know more about this mysterious figure.
But pups were only pups, and as such they couldn't let such a thing bother them for too long. It was no time at all before they were playing and wrestling with one another, forgetting the troubles of the world.
