The only thing I can think to say is that the last line seems a bit too long compared with what preceeded it. Other than that: perfect.
and_solo_said Captain
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Miyaz
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:56 pm
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Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 8:53 pm
It's very well written. I enjoyed it.
sweetnight
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and_solo_said Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 2:53 am
How about 'We'd close our eyes forever'?
Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 7:03 pm
sweetnight
It's very well written. I enjoyed it.
Thank you very much.
Miyaz
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Miyaz
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 7:05 pm
and_solo_said
How about 'We'd close our eyes forever'?
Mmm... this poem is more directed at others... from my point of view... I don't think the 'we' would fit very well as there havn't been any other suggestions (directly) of myself. I don't think it would really matter if the last line were to be longer... Now it's as long as the 10th last line blaugh
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