Small things:
Quote:
In way, he has little boxes in his head,
Personality, Fourth Post and Tier 1 Form: Should be "In a way, he has..."
Quote:
Arlyn really has ... no clue
This is just a personal thing, but I don't understand the use of ellipses there. The pause causes the sentence to read a bit awkwardly. If you want to stress the 'no', perhaps italics would be better?
Quote:
...nearly a had shorter than this man.
Head?
Quote:
That night, they cooked the rabbit he had caught - never knowing at the time that it would be his farewell dinner.
I don't understand this line. Arlyn's family already knew that he was leaving to be Sacrificed, didn't they?
I admire Arlyn's character and his strength. I know that had I been chosen to be killed to appease the Gods, I would've been absolutely terrified, especially at his age. I thought there was some amount of disconnect between your description of his personality and the way he acted in your story - In your personality description, you made him seem almost too serious and unable to have fun, while in the story he was a bit more carefree and childish than you let on (I.E, playing with the wind, mimicking the eagles, staring at the man because he didn't know what to do).
All-in-all, great gig.
heart Good luck with the competition!
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