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 Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 10:57 pm
Honestly.. I haven't been on much and I feel bad for it. You guys are some of my dearest friends and I've neglected you horribly. Actually, I've been an absolutely horrible friend to most people my entire life. I never call people back, I rarely text back.. I back out of things last minute and don't like parties. I started getting so tired of people always telling my their problems that I've almost cut myself out of all of my friend's lives. I got tired of all the drama, all the bullshit and their problems I couldn't do anything about, it frustrated me and put me on edge. I've snapped. I've gone off my rocker. And now, I need friends.. but, still have such a deep rooted distrust for people in general, I can't talk to them. I end up writing pages upon pages in a journal and crying my eyes out instead. But, sometimes, I'd just like to see a friend... and I realize I don't really have any. Like I said, I cut most of them off to be just people that I know but, don't really care about. If I didn't care about them, they couldn't hurt me.
Over-all, I've just been in an awful mood. I've been seeing my therapist and she told me its okay to be angry.. so, for the first time ever, I have allowed myself to be mad. And I have been, for about two weeks solid. I had a lot more pent up anger and hate then I realized. I've been horribly depressed. Hence not posting.. I can't think of anything witty or worth reading to post. I've been to distracted by my own anger and loneliness.
At least, Wednesday is my last day at school.. and its only a few hours that I have to be there to make up missed time. I'm hoping after getting out of school and having a real job that I'll perk up to my old self again.
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Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:04 pm
Bah, I wouldn't say you have been a horrible friend, there's lots of things you need to tend to, and lots of things on your mind. It's fair to be stressed, as most are dealing with their own problems, and it's certainly fine to take a break from others problems. Just being there for others shows you have a courageous heart as it is, because most people lack that ability. However, you are only a human being, and you can only take so much before it happens, so don't feel bad about it. smile Actually, who is to say they lack that ability? They too could be dealing with stuff as well and might just not want to talk. There's not a single soul who is able to put up with the weight of many people, and not get rid of it in some way, shape, or form.
venting to a friend both is and is not what a friend is for, but being there shows they are true. An honest friend is one who you're able to have fun with, without thinking about the bad things. Good times enlighten you, you know? I know all of this is probably most obvious to you, but sometimes a reminder is helpful at least. You won't lose me as a friend, and I will be here, I would just like you to know that. 3nodding Just know, it's alright to take a time out, and when you need to, please don't be afraid to seek me. You'll always have my support.
I might suggest metal to you, because it's a beautiful thing and an expression on overcoming the obstacles in your life, it might ditch some anger. Although I don't know if that's your thing, for me it has always been able to dump the anger out into the sounds that play, and drift away from me. 80's metal for a happier tune, Death Metal, Folk Metal, any kind will take me away really. Buuut.. it's alright to be mad. It's true, there are lots of bad people in the world, but I had come to the realization that there are just as many good as there are bad, masked by things that cause them to hate as well. Family issues... friend issues... Anything.
I know this post is a little bit delayed, and a little late because I have been occupied with things as well. I am not sure if you're back yet but I do hope you've been having fun on your vacation. I chose to send this now and not through text or anything to not stir up thought, because most times thinking and pondering on such things is not the best, and the good times most truly matter.
I hope you're enjoying yourself
Brase 3nodding
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Posted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 6:42 am
Bah, Doozi is Doozi and we love her for it. I mean hey, it takes all kinds, and your kind is still a good kind. I mean hey, I like you, that must say something. ^^
If you ever wanna call someone or something, I DO have a phone (734)972-9840
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Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 10:45 am
Awehh, you're so sweet. I'm mucho better now. I had a really bad like, six months and it really took me down but, I've just started to ignore the bad and focus on the good. =]
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