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 Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:41 am
Title says it all. I'm having flashbacks of the night my boyfriend raped me. I hate that word "rape". But I'm trying to use it when I think about that night... because I have to accept it, right? I was taking a walk with my dad a couple minutes ago.. and I couldn't concentrate, I kept on thinking about how horrible it was and how I felt and how I am continuing to feel...
How do I get over it? How can I stop thinking about it? Yeah, our relationship is permanently broken, and he's continuing to mentally and sexually abuse me anyways, though not full fledge rape. I am planning on leaving him, btw.
I just want to get over it. Move on. I don't want to constantly feel the pain and think about it.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:53 am
There are a lot of wonderful support groups you could go to. Depending on where you live, there may also be a government-subsidized therapy or support program. Often these can be found using either a simple google search or by going on to the website of the town and/or state (or district) you live in. It is good to hear that you are working on accepting this horrible thing that happened to you, but may I suggest dropping the term "boyfriend" to refer to this person? It humanizes him when he is so clearly undeserving of it, and it carries connotations of friendship and camaraderie. Also, when you feel safe enough, I urge you to seriously consider to reporting him to the appropriate law enforcement in your area.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:32 pm
You could try looking into support groups, like Eruresto suggested.
I would also suggest telling a trusted adult or authority figure,
because even one time is one too many.
You could also try occupying your time with hobbies.
If you like, start a journal, put all your thoughts down on paper,
because it's best not to keep them bottled up.
A lot of us here in the guild, I'm sure would be willing to offer to talk to you,
myself included.
Things will get better.
If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to PM me.
3nodding
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:45 pm
I would be more than willing to talk with you and/or listen if you just want to rant. We are here for you.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:19 pm
A support group isn't possible right now... I'm in the Caribbean right now, visiting my dad who lives here.. so at least I'm away from my boyfriend for a month, but it doesn't make the pain go away...
I don't want to talk to just anyone about it. Like, it's a really personal thing... and I don't want to just give details and rant to someone who I don't even know...
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:20 pm
Well, support groups are always an option when you get back home.
Enjoy your vacation while you can.
I completely understand about the stranger thing,
but the offer is always there just in case.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:21 pm
That's perfectly all right. But when you get back home, I urge you to look for them. There are some excellent national groups that are very helpful and easy to get in touch with.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 4:59 pm
I would say that you'd have to leave him and remove yourself from that living environment before you could have a good start towards moving on.
For me, it took about a good full year before I stopped being clinically depressed and stopped blaming myself. Almost 4 years later, after I did get an apology from him, I've somewhat forgiven him, but I still get angry at how I was treated.
Really in the end, it's going to take time. Probably a lot of it. But if you're willing to seek out friends and outside support, that might give you some extra help with working to heal. heart
As the others have said, you can start a journal and write down your thoughts and feedback. If you want anonymous support, websites like Experience Project are good for that. Or start a blog and just write and vent whatever you need to, regardless of whether you get comments from people or not. It might help to see your thoughts, memories and feelings on paper/on a screen in front of you, to look at and reflect on.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 5:41 pm
I have a.. well, what I call a prayer-diary. It's a pretty little journal with dragonflies and butterflies on it, and I write prayers and thanks and thoughts in it.... and I think I will, I think I will write about the .. this thing. I really have been meaning to, I just haven't gotten around to it. xd I did write a 2 page prayer asking for protection... against him. mad
There will most certainly be support groups when I go to university in the fall.... I plan on looking for one for people with eating disorders, and now maybe I'll look for one dealing with domestic violence. is that what its called?
but
is there anything i can do right now? to stop the flashbacks? i just don't want to see it in my head anymore. do i ignore it and think about something else, or do i let the video in my head play?!
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 7:06 pm
Unfortunately, it is unlikely that these flashbacks will stop immediately because of the traumatic nature of the event. But it may very well be a good sign that you are both consciously and subconsciously coming to terms with it.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 8:11 pm
lavender opheliac I have a.. well, what I call a prayer-diary. It's a pretty little journal with dragonflies and butterflies on it, and I write prayers and thanks and thoughts in it.... and I think I will, I think I will write about the .. this thing. I really have been meaning to, I just haven't gotten around to it. xd I did write a 2 page prayer asking for protection... against him. mad
There will most certainly be support groups when I go to university in the fall.... I plan on looking for one for people with eating disorders, and now maybe I'll look for one dealing with domestic violence. is that what its called?
but
is there anything i can do right now? to stop the flashbacks? i just don't want to see it in my head anymore. do i ignore it and think about something else, or do i let the video in my head play?! I believe that's what it's called, yes. I hope you can find some support groups when you're in university. smile Some links that might help: Coping with Flashbacks: Goals and Techniques for Handling the MemoriesCoping With Triggers for Rape and Sexual Abuse SurvivorsCoping with Flashbacks
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