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 Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 12:18 pm
Hi guys,
What's your take on staying sexually pure before marriage? The term kinda bothers me, because it implies that you aren't pure anymore after you had sex on your wedding day...
I'm in a courtship right now and we only kissed so far.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 7:17 am
DSHW Hi guys, What's your take on staying sexually pure before marriage? The term kinda bothers me, because it implies that you aren't pure anymore after you had sex on your wedding day... I'm in a courtship right now and we only kissed so far.
IMHO
The Bible says that sex outside of marriage is adultery. Inside of marriage it is the spiritual uniting of two people into one flesh.
Outside of marriage the Bible says that it is like joining yourself to a "harlot".
While premarital sex is "exciting" and a temptation that is hard to resist especially in todays world where we are bombarded with sexual images and inuendos all day long, God's warning to us is for several reasons, all of which are for our welfare.
Sex both inside and outside of marriage creates what is called a "soul tie" (a uniting of two into one). If you have sex outside of marriage, each of those partners (memories for instance) will go with you to the maritial bed, unless those soul ties are broken. (which is why it is so hard for many to forget their "first love.")
God gave us the ability to enjoy sex, but He wants us to experience it unencumbered, without the "mistakes" of youth. Having sex outside of marriage more often than not, leads us into other types of sin. God wants us to remain pure outside of marriage so that we dont have to worry about things like soul ties,STDs, jealousy, deceit, and unwanted pregnancy.
Sex in and of itself is not something impure, it is only outside of the bounderies given by God that it becomes so, as we are rebelling against God's plan for that type of intimacy. God wants us to remain pure for each other. That is the most pure and intimate "gift" that we can give our spouse on our wedding day.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 9:26 am
Heh ... "in a courtship". I like that. I wish more people talked like that in this day and age.
It looks to me like your big argument is with the semantics; "staying pure until your wedding" implying you aren't "pure" after sex.
Well, a lot of that attitude came about because of medieval beliefs against sex ... not Biblical beliefs.
As I understand it, someone who's no longer a virgin (courtesy of sex-within-marriage) is still considered "pure" in the sight of God. But man's sight may differ. This is just me, but I'd rather trust God's sight than man's.
Now, I could easily be wrong. The New Testament talks about a married person being devoted to two: God and their spouse. But this is acceptable to God. So, I suppose, if you're married, you're not "pure" ... but God'll take you anyway.
Meh. I'm married. So's Deidra, so's Elysa, so's a few other people in here.
And let me point out, if "pure" means "clean" ... then it doesn't matter whether you're busting bedsprings or staying chaste. Sin is sin, whether it be extra-marital sex or stealing a piece of bubblegum. None of us is "clean" or "pure" in the sight of God unless we've got Christ's Blood on us.
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Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 7:36 pm
I agree. Sex before marriage is fornication, and if you're married and having sex with someone else or involved with someone who is married, then it becomes adultery. Of course, those are just semantics and it's all equal sin to God. Even dwelling on sexual things is sinful.
I'm not married, and I've hardly even dated anyone. I will wait until I'm married though, because that is what God wants us to do.
Sex within marriage is how/when you're supposed to do that, and that's when it doesn't become a sin anymore. Marriage is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God.
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Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:34 am
Thanks guys for your input. Maybe it is just me being picky about semantics of "pure".
Me and my sweetie exchanged promise rings. They are not like engagement rings or anything. But we agreed on waiting till marriage to have sex. Now, of course, just because two people agree on that doesn't mean they are meant for marriage. We both entered courtship to find out if marriage is something that God wants for us. My personal take on those rings (for us) was, a promise to God to abstain from premarital activities (which is not easy, sigh), a promise to my sweetie that I won't look at any other, and a promise to myself that I keep living according to what the Bible teaches.
It is great to hear from some married people here. How do you know if it is God telling you "this is the person for you" and not your lust?
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Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 3:00 pm
DSHW Thanks guys for your input. Maybe it is just me being picky about semantics of "pure". Me and my sweetie exchanged promise rings. They are not like engagement rings or anything. But we agreed on waiting till marriage to have sex. Now, of course, just because two people agree on that doesn't mean they are meant for marriage. We both entered courtship to find out if marriage is something that God wants for us. My personal take on those rings (for us) was, a promise to God to abstain from premarital activities (which is not easy, sigh), a promise to my sweetie that I won't look at any other, and a promise to myself that I keep living according to what the Bible teaches. It is great to hear from some married people here. How do you know if it is God telling you "this is the person for you" and not your lust? Now that's a hard question. I got married before I was living for Christ. We dated for two years (and it was about 1 1/2 yrs before I told him I loved him...he on the other hand told me that he would marry me on the day that we met LOL) Everyone said that it wouldn't last but we have been together for 34 years (not counting the two years before marriage). Just make sure that you know each other VERY well!! I would think that if you both have the same religious views, same views on children and money, and like every other decision you have spent a lot of time in prayer and have PEACE from God that you are probably on the right track.
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Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 10:22 pm
Deidra Diamonds Just make sure that you know each other VERY well!! I would think that if you both have the same religious views, same views on children and money, and like every other decision you have spent a lot of time in prayer and have PEACE from God that you are probably on the right track. See, that is the thing. We do agree on children, money, and of course God, and we have the support from our families. Yet I don't know about this peace from God. Because two people can have premarital sex and say, hey it is ok, I feel good and at peace about this.... and it is not from God. I see other Christian couples and they seem so sure about getting married and all that.
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Posted: Tue Jul 06, 2010 4:56 am
DSHW Deidra Diamonds Just make sure that you know each other VERY well!! I would think that if you both have the same religious views, same views on children and money, and like every other decision you have spent a lot of time in prayer and have PEACE from God that you are probably on the right track. See, that is the thing. We do agree on children, money, and of course God, and we have the support from our families. Yet I don't know about this peace from God. Because two people can have premarital sex and say, hey it is ok, I feel good and at peace about this.... and it is not from God. I see other Christian couples and they seem so sure about getting married and all that. that as long as you are wavering and asking questions that you don't yet have that peace. Whether God has not approved this woman as your life partner, or it's just a matter of timing, I don't know. Is it possible that He wants you to grow more in Him, so that you can be the spiritual head of household as He has designed you to be? Or that He might have something He wants one or both of you to do before getting married? When you think about getting married and making that kind of a vow before God, I think most of us get a little jittery, that's normal. But when you have the peace of God you will know that you know that you know that the time is right. Are the two of you spending time together in prayer about this? Also you don't say how old you are or how long you have been dating........
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:55 pm
Deidra Diamonds I think that as long as you are wavering and asking questions that you don't yet have that peace. Whether God has not approved this woman as your life partner, or it's just a matter of timing, I don't know. Is it possible that He wants you to grow more in Him, so that you can be the spiritual head of household as He has designed you to be? Or that He might have something He wants one or both of you to do before getting married? When you think about getting married and making that kind of a vow before God, I think most of us get a little jittery, that's normal. But when you have the peace of God you will know that you know that you know that the time is right. Are the two of you spending time together in prayer about this? Also you don't say how old you are or how long you have been dating........ Thank you for your input. I just want it to be right. I guess I'm waiting for the heaven-sent letter from God, saying it is right...now. wink Well, we both pray for our relationship and we don't take this bond lightly. Right now, she is going through some family stuff (her father is very sick) so I feel it is not appropriate to bring the topic of marriage up. I like the idea of the husband being the spiritual leader in the family - not for macho reasons, of course. I believe it make sense. I've seen her around kids and from observing her, I believe she would make a great mom and wife one day. I just pray that I can be the lucky guy at her side. Lolz. As for our ages, I'm turning 30 soon, and she is 25; and we've been courting for about 9 months. We've been just friends before that.
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Posted: Wed Jul 07, 2010 6:43 pm
DSHW Deidra Diamonds I think that as long as you are wavering and asking questions that you don't yet have that peace. Whether God has not approved this woman as your life partner, or it's just a matter of timing, I don't know. Is it possible that He wants you to grow more in Him, so that you can be the spiritual head of household as He has designed you to be? Or that He might have something He wants one or both of you to do before getting married? When you think about getting married and making that kind of a vow before God, I think most of us get a little jittery, that's normal. But when you have the peace of God you will know that you know that you know that the time is right. Are the two of you spending time together in prayer about this? Also you don't say how old you are or how long you have been dating........ Thank you for your input. I just want it to be right. I guess I'm waiting for the heaven-sent letter from God, saying it is right...now. wink Well, we both pray for our relationship and we don't take this bond lightly. Right now, she is going through some family stuff (her father is very sick) so I feel it is not appropriate to bring the topic of marriage up. I like the idea of the husband being the spiritual leader in the family - not for macho reasons, of course. I believe it make sense. I've seen her around kids and from observing her, I believe she would make a great mom and wife one day. I just pray that I can be the lucky guy at her side. Lolz. As for our ages, I'm turning 30 soon, and she is 25; and we've been courting for about 9 months. We've been just friends before that. I think you are probably right in waiting, since her Father is sick. Her attention needs to be on him right now, and not planning a wedding or making a home for the two of you. And I don't blame you for taking that vow so seriously. "Till death do us part" could be as long long time, especially if you find out too late that she is the wrong one. smile
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Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:21 am
Out of curiosity, what's the spiritual background on you two? I mean, how long have you each been saved, what denominations, etc. I'm trying to figure how much you'll be helping each other grow in Christ.
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Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 10:21 am
Dragonbait Out of curiosity, what's the spiritual background on you two? I mean, how long have you each been saved, what denominations, etc. I'm trying to figure how much you'll be helping each other grow in Christ. She has been a Christian for the past 6 years, while I have been truly saved since 2007. I know she has a couple of years on me in the Christian life department, but I'm eager to learn to be the guy God wants me to be in a relationship with a woman.
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Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:40 am
Well, this is just my opinion (and I still don't know you very well), but I'd say you're already off to a good start. You're studying the Word (moreover, you're actually thinking about what you read), you're not above asking others for their input, and you've got a set goal (being a godly husband). It's not fantastic, mind you, but it's a darn sight better than most.
Keep us posted on her father, though. That one's a prayer concern.
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Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:50 pm
Dragonbait Well, this is just my opinion (and I still don't know you very well), but I'd say you're already off to a good start. You're studying the Word (moreover, you're actually thinking about what you read), you're not above asking others for their input, and you've got a set goal (being a godly husband). It's not fantastic, mind you, but it's a darn sight better than most. Keep us posted on her father, though. That one's a prayer concern. Thanks Dragonbait. I kinda want to do the right thing and the biblical thing. I have some Christian friends who are married but I still think I should ask more Christian brothers and sisters for advice. I'm aware that marriage life is not all roses and chocolates, but I believe that with communication we can work it out. As for her dad, it is not looking too well. He is home now, and very weak, we all try to help him eat because he somewhat stopped eating. We'd appreciate your prayers.
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