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 Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:59 am
I learned a very hard lesson, as illustrated by the story that I am about to tell....
So about a year or so ago I had this boyfriend (had being the key word) who knew all about my Pagan thing, and claimed very emphatically that he was cool with it. He liked to say how open-minded and spiritual he was, and how much he loved that I was spiritual, because his previous girlfriends lacked that very important quality. Naturally (or foolishly, looking back on it) I felt comfortable talking to him about my particular path and the temple that I attend. It even got to the point that he came to my temple's holiday celebrations with me, and even considering joining the temple himself. Throughout all of this, I became even less guarded about discussing my practices, and one day I let the scary word slip: "Sacrifice."
I think something in his brain broke. He jumped to all kinds of conclusions, and ended up condemning my practices, my spirituality, and my temple as immoral, and didn't seem to understand why such accusations upset me. I tried to explain that it was nothing like he thought, that he was making assumptions, that he was, basically, like a foreigner judging foreign practices that he did not understand. Needless to say, that ended up being the end of our relationship.
I know that this sounds like just a rant about a stupid ex (and I guess in a way it is), but the point is that before all this happened, I didn't really understand the position of secrecy that a lot of Pagan groups take up. I was definitely careful about who I told what, being that Paganism is a little-known thing in the wider world, but that was also the reason that I wanted to talk about it to anyone who was interested. I had the idealistic idea that if I explained something well enough, common sense would prevail. However, that experience proved that extreme prejudices can come from anyone, and that no amount of sensible talk can fix that. I learned it the hard way, but I know now the importance of keeping some secrets.
So what are your opinions? Has anyone had similar experiences?
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Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:30 am
I believe a certain amount of secrecy will always be required, but we don't have to hide it from the world.
People ask me everyday about my religion and I give them a basic rundown and answer any of their general questions, but I never go into detail about my personal ideas and practices.
I'm not the first pagan to come through my school system and town, so generally the people that talk to me have already been lectured by a self-righteous fluffbunny (I say this because I know who the girls are that spread the good word of Wicca before me -_-)
I end up having to correct all the things they've spread, considering they weren't very well educated. (a teacher once asked me if I could fly because the girl before told him she could -_-)
Anyway, I personally wouldn't look down upon including your boyfriend in your personal life like that, but you do have to be careful and take things slow.
I wish my boyfriend was even interested in my religion; he's a super-athiest (self described) and refuses to talk about or accept any religion. He sometimes even gets mad if I bring up the sabbats, just because he "doesn't like it".
So, when you have one that cares take advantage of it, but take it slow and explain before you bring up big, scary words.
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Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 10:30 am
No, we don't have to hide it from the world. In fact, we shouldn't. I still talk about paganism to anyone who asks, I just know to be a bit more careful with what I say.
As I said, the ordeal involving the scary word happened toward the end of our relationship, about 5 or 6 months into it. I thought I had approached things slowly enough, but I guess I didn't. In hindsight, there were signs that he wasn't nearly as open-minded about paganism as he claimed, and I should have paid attention to them. Oh well, you live and learn, right?
The thing that really sucks is that I've been very gun-shy about discussing my religion with my subsequent boyfriends. But I'm sure that will pass with time... at least, I hope it does. sweatdrop Either way, you really got to the point, Usagi. "Take it slow and explain before you bring up big, scary words." Maybe that will be my new mantra. 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:54 am
The sad fact is, in our religion(s), we sometimes do have to keep it secret. When I first came out of the broom closet to my family, they treated it like a personal attack. So much so, in fact, that I dove back in said broom closet so far I'm practically in Narnia. Most of relationships have been dodgy on the subject too. I keep hoping to find a woman who won't get all freaked out ( you do what at the full moon...?). The point is, we must pick and choose our battles. I have some friends, one an ex, who do know. But for the majority of everyone else, we're the freaks, the wierdos, the oddballs. Stephen King once said "Watch thou for the mutant," and boy, are they ever.
It will get better, though. The right - and understanding - people will come along. And yea, go slow and explain everything, probably at least twice. One day I'll tell the story of my ex, my athame and a very unpleasant evening. lol
Don't worry. Don't fret. Just have patience, and remember, a lot of them are going off poor information and stereotypes. To a lot of them, we eat babies, worship the devil and probably have sex with small woodland creatures in our blood orgies. You'd be surprised at some of the nonsense I've heard. Keep that in mind, patiently explain, and things will get better. It may go slow, but it is worth it.
RM
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