ok, first off, thank you or reading this, it means alot, and second this is a slightly mature situation and i would be greatly thankful to not be "hated" on or such, im doing that enough to myself already.
now then! sweatdrop
im 15, and currently "seeing" a 16 year old childhood friend i recently re-connected with, its been many, many months now and we have this thing where we tell each other anything the other asks since we both have trust issues. but, see, im what some may choose to call "innocent" dont get me wrong, i have had quite a bit of boy friends and im not un-popular, but i just had my first kiss last year and just recently had my first make out and had a guy uh, how to put it, "feel me up"? (for lack of a more tasteful way to say it.) he recently asked me how "un-innocent" i was, and i told him he was all so far but first kiss. mind you this was very surprising since i was teased as being a slut and such since most of my friends are guys and very social. when i asked him back i found out he had well, "fingerd" a girl and had had a "B.J" (please do not ask me to say it...) this very much shocked me and im still not sure how to feel about it, i mean, its high school, i understand those around me have "been there done that" more then i would like to believe, but i new this boy when he was coated in finger paint, and mind you, he did all this with a girl he dated for 2 months, and he said he didnt even love her. oh, and did i forget to tell you i know this girl and were friends and i first found all all this from her and had to ask him about it?
now, he says how he is in true honest, mad love with me and regrets ever even looking at another girl, mind you im not foolish, i dont believe he will always feel this way or even if he really does, and ive told him as much, but i do feel very happy and loved around him and can just be myself, that i love, him, well, thats the problem, i dont know if i can love someone who will one day take all that is new to me and my "firsts" though its just "another one" to him, i dont know how to feel about it, i know i dont like it very much, and someone who is so close to my age gone that far and admit it makes me shiver, but i part of me knows people make mistakes and have regrets and that this is "normal" and i cant hate him for that, right? and he doesnt pressure me in the least, he says how if i say no thats the end of it, but hes VERY big on P.D.A, kissing in public and hanging on me and such, and unlike practily every other you adult my age i do not like that in the least, thats the only thing that he does that is a rough point for me.
anyway, what i really need you wonderful gaian ladies to help me with is how to deal with it, none of our friends know were together (all my past ex's cheated on me horribly so there so protective they wont let me date anyone and since its highschool we know nothing but drama would happen for making it public and since were in the same group it made sense. and it was my idea) so i have no one to talk to this about, but its getting to the point when he touches me i wonder if hes comparing the feel of my skin to hers, if hes thinking about doing the same things to me, and where exactly that hands been, and i pull away and tease him about it as a way to cover my blushing, which makes feel unimaginably guilty about it, but i just dont know what to do, i want to be able to relax around him again without worring hes going to do the same thing to me that she did to him.... please help, please, i will be in ur debt for a lifetime heart
now then! sweatdrop
im 15, and currently "seeing" a 16 year old childhood friend i recently re-connected with, its been many, many months now and we have this thing where we tell each other anything the other asks since we both have trust issues. but, see, im what some may choose to call "innocent" dont get me wrong, i have had quite a bit of boy friends and im not un-popular, but i just had my first kiss last year and just recently had my first make out and had a guy uh, how to put it, "feel me up"? (for lack of a more tasteful way to say it.) he recently asked me how "un-innocent" i was, and i told him he was all so far but first kiss. mind you this was very surprising since i was teased as being a slut and such since most of my friends are guys and very social. when i asked him back i found out he had well, "fingerd" a girl and had had a "B.J" (please do not ask me to say it...) this very much shocked me and im still not sure how to feel about it, i mean, its high school, i understand those around me have "been there done that" more then i would like to believe, but i new this boy when he was coated in finger paint, and mind you, he did all this with a girl he dated for 2 months, and he said he didnt even love her. oh, and did i forget to tell you i know this girl and were friends and i first found all all this from her and had to ask him about it?
now, he says how he is in true honest, mad love with me and regrets ever even looking at another girl, mind you im not foolish, i dont believe he will always feel this way or even if he really does, and ive told him as much, but i do feel very happy and loved around him and can just be myself, that i love, him, well, thats the problem, i dont know if i can love someone who will one day take all that is new to me and my "firsts" though its just "another one" to him, i dont know how to feel about it, i know i dont like it very much, and someone who is so close to my age gone that far and admit it makes me shiver, but i part of me knows people make mistakes and have regrets and that this is "normal" and i cant hate him for that, right? and he doesnt pressure me in the least, he says how if i say no thats the end of it, but hes VERY big on P.D.A, kissing in public and hanging on me and such, and unlike practily every other you adult my age i do not like that in the least, thats the only thing that he does that is a rough point for me.
anyway, what i really need you wonderful gaian ladies to help me with is how to deal with it, none of our friends know were together (all my past ex's cheated on me horribly so there so protective they wont let me date anyone and since its highschool we know nothing but drama would happen for making it public and since were in the same group it made sense. and it was my idea) so i have no one to talk to this about, but its getting to the point when he touches me i wonder if hes comparing the feel of my skin to hers, if hes thinking about doing the same things to me, and where exactly that hands been, and i pull away and tease him about it as a way to cover my blushing, which makes feel unimaginably guilty about it, but i just dont know what to do, i want to be able to relax around him again without worring hes going to do the same thing to me that she did to him.... please help, please, i will be in ur debt for a lifetime heart
