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ok, so i really dunno why i came in here when i could have just written in my journal. i like to write there so people can talk to me about it; but i'm afraid she'll see it, i guess. sometimes (i have to admit) i do get afraid of what others think, and i really don't want her to see it.

ok, so i'm pretty sure this sub-forum's dead (haha, considering i'm just the first post-er) so yeah, i just wanted to sorta rant her safely.

alrighty, finally getting around to the story.

i was dating this girl. she was my dream girl. was being the operative word. i had liked her since the eighth grade--craved her feelings and wishing i could have nothing but her. on the day i finally got the balls to ask her out, she was asked out minutes before i was going to ask her. and, just my luck, she said yes. to a disgusting guy that she had claimed to have hated just the day before.

after that slap in the face, i tried to get over her, but i guess in the end i couldn't. they say you never get over your first crush, afterall. well, flashforward two years later to this january. both of us, after quite a few significant others, were now single, and i decided to give it a shot. she said yes.

now flashforward four months. we had gone on only one date and were hardly able to see each other outside of school. the whole relationship just felt fake. she didn't really want to talk to me and we hardly ever made out. it was just... it was like we were friends, except we kissed and held hands. and i couldn't take the idea of being held down with someone who i could never see. that, and the fact that she clung onto and held her other friends more than me, that she spent time with her other friends more than me, and that she would act so... so willing to be with other people than give me much time. so i just broke up.

but now i can't take it. the day after i broke up with her, she kissed a BOY! she told me that she was a lesbian, and there she goes.

i guess in the end, she was kinda slutty. she plays truth or dare in hopes of having to kiss someone and happily flaunts herself about. she's a great person--we've been friends since the seventh grade. but how can she do that?

i realized that she only said yes to me because she will to anyone. i don't wanna call her names, but some people are just like that, and i guess she just happens to be one of them. it makes me kinda sad, and makes me feel like i wasted time and feelings on something that really wasn't.

today it has been bugging me more than usual. i broke up a couple weeks ago, but i feel like crap. she didn't need to get over me, yet here i am, sad that my relationship (terrible as it was) is over. and i was the one to end it! why am i so upset?!

i feel lame and pathetic. but life goes on. that's my blog, which i'm sure no one read. just felt like telling someone, anyone, and maybe even no one since i came to an abandonned section of a guild. but i felt like writing it. so to those who read, thanks. talk about your effed up love lives?

haha, yeah, it's cool that you read it. i kinda wanted someone to, but i didn't expect anyone to, haha.

eh, i haven't been through more than anyone else. just having one of those months, ya know? and i felt that venting would help. sorta did. and thanks for the offer.