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 Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 3:29 pm
First sentences, or the first paragraph, is THE most important part of your book. Why? Because it's the first impression, that's why.
Most agents and publishers won't look past the first couple of lines, and they say that up front. They have thousands of authors to choose from, and little time, so they'll often take a look at the first paragraph. If they don't like it, they'll toss it; so it's pretty much your only chance.
Let's take a non-writing example. You go into a restaurant, and one of the waiter is picking at a scab, the cook seems to have the flu, and the floor is so sticky, it almost pulled off your shoe. Would you eat there?
There are books devoted to the subject, but I'll try and condense it down here, and give a few examples.
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Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 3:31 pm
How NOT to do it:
1. It was all a dream. All this time wasted on something that probably won't matter. If you try to do this to get a 'false positive' over actually something interesting, don't be surprised when the agent/publisher you sent it to sends a mob with flaming torches to your house.
2. Waking up to an alarm, and they're late. Seriously, what kind of retarded moron would set their alarm to be LATE? Actually, for the most part, waking up would probably not be the best start anyways.
3. "It was a day like any other day..." Well, then why should we care? Onto something that isn't like every other day!
4. Anything that requires reading the entire book for it to make any kind of sense. Remember, this is a first impression, and you only get that short bit. If you tried to speed-date someone and told them "Well, we have to go on a real date for me to explain anything." They'd probably think you were nuts.
There are other examples I can post later, but I think these are some of the more straightforward ones.
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Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 3:32 pm
How to do it:
Dialogue. This can be inner dialogue, or talking to someone else, or the narrator talking to the audience. It helps give the audience an idea of what the main character (or at least, one of the main characters) is like. But also, try to have it either in the middle of a conversation, or starting something interesting. Remember: If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.
Action: Something is going on, and you want to know WHY. Simple actions, like waking up in the morning, isn't the best, since we probably know WHY they're waking up: they were asleep! Fight scenes, or anything showing emotion can be good.
Only two? It still covers a lot, and yes, these are the two best ways to start, IMO.
Make it something unusual. Even if it's an everyday person, the beginning needs to be out of the ordinary. Make it something that people want you to explain more, that they want to find out about. Make something ordinary obvious that it isn't quite ordinary. You're trying to hook people into reading, and you need some shiny, or tasty bait. There's time for the more filling stuff later!
Or start with something ordinary, but make it so that the reader gets hints that something isn't quite right. Don't have it so a character is walking home from school when they get jumped, have it so a friend mentions for them to be careful, there's been mention of a creepy person around before they start walking home.
If someone is running from the law, they don't need to start right when they escape, you can backtrack later to explain. Why not start when they're exclaiming that they didn't kill their wife?
You can also backtrack at the beginning a bit if needed; that's what prologues are for. Set up a bit of character development. It could be even more useful if in the first actual scene, they die. It's bad enough when a killer murders a little girl, but if the prologue talks about Mary and how she drew a picture for her mommy because she just got out of the hospital, it makes the death that much more emotional.
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Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 3:34 pm
Examples, good, bad, and how to fix them:
Bad: Tobias woke up after a very long sleep.
Why it's bad: Because it's boring.
Fix: Tobias woke up and stretched, causing dust and spiderwebs to shake off of his robes.
Why it's better: It shows he's been asleep for a REALLY long time, which isn't normal.
Bad: I screamed as the blob came towards me.
Why it's bad: It's a decent start, but this could ALWAYS use more description. Remember, you're telling a story, and people tend to want the juicy details.
Fix: I screamed shrilly as the thing came towards me; a pile of goo that looked like a jello mould made with rotting flesh.
Why it's better: It gives a heck of a lot more of a visual description.
Examples I've made that is free to use:
1. Not that she would ever complain if asked, but Erra's life was a lot more normal before the incident with the pig.
Why I like this one: It gives a hint to Erra's personality; she doesn't tend to complain about things. And it pins down the incident that happened to start the story. You could either describe the incident, or go on to what happened afterward, and either would work.
2. Watching a man run around on fire is only entertaining until he manages to ignite the curtains.
Why I like this one: The juxtaposition of having a man on fire, and someone thinking it's entertaining. If people want to know WHY they were on fire, or why they care more about the curtains then the person, they'll keep reading, and the sentence has done it's job.
3. Thomas opened the door, then slammed it behind him while flinging his keys so hard at the table that they slid off and fell onto the floor.
Why I like this one: It's an everyday action, but it still shows something is going on with Thomas. Why is he so upset?
Others that I've made that other people can use:
The sound the rain and hail made disturbed him; it was as if a million tiny metal spiders were tap dancing on his window.
Getting killed once can be traumatizing; getting killed forty seven times is a combination of being a nuisance and unlucky.
Hi, my name is Doug O'Conner, and I'm a ninja.
Frogs are beautiful creatures, up until you accidentally step on them.
When I walked up to the house, the first thing I noticed was the dead cat on the lawn.
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Posted: Wed May 12, 2010 10:16 pm
Xilna Kithrin How NOT to do it: 2. Waking up to an alarm, and they're late. Seriously, what kind of retarded moron would set their alarm to be LATE? Actually, for the most part, waking up would probably not be the best start anyways. I've done it. I set to PM instead of AM by accident. I've also forgotten to change the time (I do various shifts) and ended up late then too. I don't really get what the reference to a horse and college is all about. Quote: Examples I've made that is free to use: "are free to use". Quote: but Erra's life was a lot more normal "much more" would sound better. I like your examples, some of them are actually quite amusing. I think it would be important for you to stress that whilst the first lines are about making a good impression, writers need to be consistent. There's a good book called "The first 5 pages" which covers the beginning, the first 5 pages you submit with a query letter, then how to be consistent throughout. I don't think you should be posting that your examples are free to take though, I think it would be more important that people use them as a guide of how a beginning would sound better but that they use their own creativity when developing a story. The last thing you want is a plethora of gaians with the exact beginning to their stories. Nice topic though. biggrin
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