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 Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 4:26 pm
I know this doesn't belong here.
You guys. I've been abusing drugs. On major highs and lows. Saw a doctor. There is something definitely wrong with my brain. She gave me Cipralex. It failed because of the uppers I've been abusing in order to stay awake and do homework. Stopped taking the antidepressants. Crashed badly. Saw another doctor today, this doc is REALLY working with me and has prescribed me Prozac.
Here's my major problem.
My parents say that "depression can be solved with a kick in the a**" and that "this is another excuse for me to fail at life". They're REALLY upset that I am on Prozac.
How can I live with people who keep telling me that there's nothing wrong with me and make me feel horrible when I can't function like a normal human being and it's not even my fault?
Sorry you guys, I'm just super honest about this. I feel HORRIBLE that I continuously broke down on a couple of my professors this semester. It's so embarrassing but they are the only two "adults" who I trust. Yes, I realise that I* am an adult, but there's a HUGE difference between the mentality of a 30 year old and a 22 year old.
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 5:05 pm
I'm so sorry but the only advice I'm suposed to give anybody is wait for Behatz to give you better advice.
Screw it. I'll try.
Your parents love you, of this I am sure. Even if they show it in a damn terrible way. Having said that, however, their influence is incredibly toxic. You say that you cannot move out because you must take care of your mother, but to me all Torah points to getting the Hell out of there.
You need to align yourself with people who can help you, not those who would hurt you. It's up yo you to decide who those people are. Those professors?
I think you also need to realign your goals and directives, namely: Taking care of youself ahould be a lot higher on the list. What do you need?
Damn, I just did nothing but state the obvious. You're better offwith Behatz's advice. Where is he?
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 5:35 pm
I feel so ridiculous. I feel slightly drunk and nauseous on this Prozac. But I'm like...
so ashamed of myself, and soooo not good enough to be a Jew.
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 9:12 pm
Good enough to be a Jew? Hun... this past Friday I went out on the street, got a cup of ice and a bottle of bourbon and drank until I couldn't feel feelings anymore. We all have our moments of weakness, we all have our moments. Just remember you don't need to be Jewish when these happens, all you need is someone to tell you, they'll be there for you, and the don't even need to be Jewish.  Remember that, K?
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Posted: Mon May 03, 2010 9:26 pm
if you be my star...
A lot of people don't understand depression, and parents are typically the type. They don't want to accept that their kid has a problem with sadness that the parents just can't fix. So they pretend it's just not there, or it's just you being silly.
I'd advise leaving for a bit. It killed my mom when she found out I had a depression problem. Prozac is scary. Knowing that the thing that can fix you is a drug, and not love or anything is terrifying. I hated being on Prozac.
That being said, if it works with you, continue with it. It just wasn't my thing.
And it's good you have adults you can trust. My trust is limited as well, but two people that you trust and that care about you can get you through anything. Don't feel bad about it, I'm sure that they were glad that they could help. ~<3
...I'll be your sky.
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2010 7:30 am
1. You have a chemical dependence (drugs). That needs to be dealt with in whatever way it can be, whether it's therapy, medication, removal from a depressing situation, or a combination of the three.
2. Your doctor has prescribed a medication. For a little while, you don't feel the effects of Prozac; for a little while you may feel a little bit "drunk," not in the sense of tipsiness, but in the sense that your feelings are a little muted, like all the sharp-sticky bits were dulled. That's a good thing. One of my friends in college called it her "I just don't care" drug, because she stopped feeling like EVERY SINGLE THING that happened within 50 miles of her was sad or angry-making, and was able to focus on dealing with the things that actually did affect her and that she needed to pay attention to. She just didn't care about the tiny little annoyances anymore, and could actually start to face some of the things that had lead to her depression.
3. If you don't tell your parents you're on that medication, then they don't know about it and they can't comment on it. Since they already know, this may not be an option, but it does seem to me that you tell your parents a lot of the things concerning which you already know they will harass you. Why do you suppose you do that? Just something to think about; you don't have to post about it here.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu May 06, 2010 10:00 am
Divash, you scare me. Not because you literally scare me, but because you tell me things that I've already heard from the wise people in my life! Are you sure I don't know you IRL? ;]
I tell my parents a lot of things, this is because I feel as though I am lying if I don't. The guilt of not telling them is too much.
Also, I can't leave the house unless I tell my mother where I am going, for what reason, et cetera, et cetera...
I can't even go to the store alone, let alone to the doctor's without a good reason!
Mother got over it. I mean, she's not happy, and I am being mocked when my parents are upset, but they realise there is nothing they can do.
I still can't deal with being here, but I'm going to have to learn.
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Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 9:14 am
Girlfriend, you need to move out. I know that's difficult at this time, but you really need to do it, so that you can start to live YOUR life. Of course they don't treat you like a grownup -- you still live with your parents.
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Eloquent Conversationalist
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Posted: Fri May 07, 2010 2:56 pm
Not that simple. I can't move out. I have to take care of my mother. She has a huge phobia of being alone, and thus, I am her babysitter.
I'm also her taxi and emotional punching bag.
Mother's got issues that she won't own up to and hides behind "You're not the one who had a heart attack and stroke!"
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 1:26 am
Well, the situation there leaves you with two simple choices, albeit with difficult details:
1. You leave.
2. You stay until your mother has passed on.
Now, I see Option 2 as the option you -really- don't want to choose, so let's concentrate on 1:
- You could find a carehome for your mother, where she can be cared for properly by trained staff 24/7. I'm not sure about Canada's regulations on carehomes (whether or not they're government-funded, etc), but this is a possibility I want you to concentrate on. It'll unburden you from the responsibility of caring for your mother so much that it's preventing you from living your own life.
- You mentioned 'parents', so I assume your father is still with you. Whether or not your parents are still together, I don't know. But if they are, then shouldn't your father be caring for his wife, rather than hand the responsibility to his daughter?
Perhaps you should talk to him about this.
On the subject of drugs, chemical substances and other fun stuff:
I've been on and off medications of all varieties for the majority of my relatively short life. Your doctor will have prescribed Prozac because (s)he believes that is the right medication for you, and if it isn't, you'll soon be on something more suited to you.
However, I do think you should, as Divash suggested, combine this with some simple therapy. And by that, I mean confiding your problems with a good friend or a figure of authority. The professors were a good start, but seek out someone better equipped to deal with it. Does your college have a councellor you can see?
Hopefully you decide upon the best thing to do. My suggestions/advice are in no way definitive, or possibly not even the right thing to be doing, so take it or leave it.
Good luck, IMR. wink
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 3:25 am
Mother won't tolerate ANYONE. My father does everything for my mother after he comes home... I have her during the day.
I don't want to keep hounding people, especially my profs. Hence, why I finally, after so many years, saw someone about my depression.
Thanks you guys,
and Behatz? It's a shame that I am not good at science, I'd make the best pharmacist ;]
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Posted: Sat May 08, 2010 6:18 am
In Medias Res IV Mother won't tolerate ANYONE. My father does everything for my mother after he comes home... I have her during the day. This is when you get the lawyer to judge her mentally incompetent and then ship her off to the home. "Oh Doctor, that woman just threw her food tray against the table and refuses to take her medication." "Give her 2.5 ccs of Thorizine and have the orderlies strap her down to her bed." "Yes Doctor." I would do WONDERS for the balance of power in that family.
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