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Tags: writing, roleplay, discussion, stories, poetry 

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Poet's Poetry: Candle Girl

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Poet_Know_It

PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 12:28 am


I would greatly appreciate some constructive criticism on these..



Candle Girl
    Like melted wax,
    sanity flows down
    her ashen face.

    In little time,
    the flame has whittled
    her features away.

    She’s always crying,
    and the wax that drips
    distorts her once lovely figure.

    The wick shortens
    till nothing’s left; but
    a mound of misshapen memories.
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 3:53 pm


I rather liked it Poet. I think I would change the word 'figure' to 'features' though. You reference 'her ashen face' in the first verse, so features would make more sense than figure.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:53 am


I really enjoyed this. The imagery made the figurative language incredibly realistic and for free verse, it flowed very well. Well done Poet.
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