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 Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:54 am
The last few months have been the hardest I've ever known. It's been a real struggle, and I just need to get it all off my chest. I can't deal with all on my own anymore. I've tried, but I can't. It's going to be long, so if you don't want to read it all, don't.
About 2 years ago, I moved away from home for University. I then dropped out of uni, got a full time job & moved in with my boyfriend.
I'd been in my new job about 3 weeks before I started getting bullied and harrassed at work. I was working in a call centre, outbound sales; hitting targets and you know.. generally doing well. Apparently one my co-workers didn't like that too much, and took it upon herself to shout things at me in corridors, spread vicious rumours about me and just make my time at work a misery. I put up with it for 6 months until I finally lost my temper with her, told her in no uncertain terms that she's immature and pathetic, to leave me alone. The girl in question was 32, i'm 20.
I'd been stressed because of what was happening at work and taking it out on my partner, which I know is unfair of me. But for me, that does not excuse his behaviour. We'd been together for about a year, and things had been fine. Then he just suddenly turned. Started calling me names, saying that I'm stupid and worthless, why would anyone like me because i'm just a waste of space, i'm a b***h, he hated me, i'm fat and ugly. He would lock me in the house so that I couldn't go out with my friends, take my money off me and spend it on alcohol. He caught my talking to a friend online and took my laptop apart whilst I was in the shower. He had me pinned up against a wall by my throat, and locked in my house threatening me with a knife.
Things were tense at home, and then upon returning to work after 2 weeks on sick leave.. they sacked me. Said that I should have handled things better with the bullying and not lost my temper. That day I went home and told my partner I'd lost my job, and understandably he was not a happy man. The name calling started again, so I decided to leave him.
I lost my job, my boyfriend and my house all in one day. I feel like an absolute failure. I can't do anything right, everythings just ruined. I know that his behaviour is inexcusable, but I can't help thinking that maybe he's right, and I did deserve it all and I am just annoying. I'm living back home with my mum now. Jobless and boyfriendless. I'm so lonely its unbelievable.
I don't know how anyone can help, I just know that I can't struggle on my own anymore. Its too hard.
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Posted: Sat Apr 10, 2010 10:43 pm
Life is hard. It will always be challenging, whether it work, finances, relationships, family, or other.
While it does suck that you've lost your job, b/f, and home in one day, keep in mind that those are all replaceable things in life. Your boyfriend is a d**k, so don't count that as a loss. The apartment/house you shared with him goes with that, and it's a plus that you can still live with your mother. There's no shame in doing that. Just don't stay there until you're 40. Jobs come and go, so again, while it's nice to have an income, you will find another job.
Here's where I'll offer my advice: you don't need anyone in your life to still be happy. Take this time to self-reflect. Grow individually. Learn what you want in life. Set goals. Save money. Above all, break any dependence you have on anyone else.
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