Welcome to Gaia! ::

After a long, long time of struggling with depression, self doubt and just a general bad attitude and outlook I've finally come to be at peace.. But there's something that keeps getting in the way. My old friendships.

As much as I love each and every one of my friends some of them I've just outgrown. They're mean, negative and just being around them often feels physically and emotionally draining. I've grown as a person but they seem content to live a life of misery. I'm not sure I can take being their friend anymore but at the same time I don't know how to end it. They were, at a time, the ones I relied on most and now I feel like I'm betraying them by wanting to walk away.

I really don't know what to do and no amount of prayer (I'm Christian but have a very zen like practice) has given me any insight on the matter. What do you guys think? Have you have any similar situations? What did you do about it?

Yes, I've been trying to raise them up and have been praying for them for a year or so, but like I said they seem to be content in misery and they try to drag me down when I'm around them (misery really does love company).

I rarely ever speak to any other them now. Whenever they call or IM me I've magically become "busy" or I'm right about to go out the door. I hate lying and I know it isn't right but I don't want to be around them..

I just can't find a gentle way to break it off. Or even if I should..

i have a similar situation, i recently "got rid of" (for lack of a better phrase) my exbest friend. it was one of the hardest things i have ever done. i thought about it for about a year, and no one really knew my internal turmoil. i was depressed, and drained much like you said you felt. she was living a life i could not condone.

i finally told her i didn't want to be friends anymore, and she did not take it well at all. there was a lot of drama, but my life is peaceful now and i am much happier without her {though i still think of her often}.


good luck and i will keep you in my thoughts. i know how hard it is to be in that situation.

I am currently going through a situation like that. It's hard and hurts to let them go.
but if its more draining and hurtful being friends to your state of being then its prob for the best.
currently try to let go of some of my toxic and unhealthy friendships because and it's hard. for me it's a slow process. they are aware we are at odds but slowly lessening contact and limiting interactions is what i am doing. it saves hurt of having of the expectation that the friendship can be saved and the hurt of being let down again.
some people who are our good friends that aren't good for us. are meant to be on our life path to show us something about people and ourselves. but sometimes they aren't meant to keep going on life with us.

I have been in this situation before. What happened with me was I tried to help them be at peace. I explained to them what I had learned and tried to help them learn it. Some, although slowly, caught on and became more peaceful. Others, by their own choice, are no longer my friends.

I may never be able to follow that verse.

It says;
"If a wayfarer fails to find
one better or equal,
steadfast he should fare alone
for a fools no fellowship."

And is clarified as;
"People need companions. But if one does not find a person who is better than, or at least equal to oneself, it is better to be alone rather than keep company with foolish people. There is no profitable companionship with fools."

Thinking logically, if all people followed this guideline we would only have equals to deal with and we would all be very shallow friends, since as we bettered ourselves we may consider ourselves superior to our friends and then leave them behind. I can not live a life without loyalty, nor do I enjoy imagining a world without such binding morals. Nor can I believe that I, or anyone else, can judge others by intelligence since, while we may be ignorant in some things, we may be knowledgeable in others. For example, a carpenter who has not known Buddhism compared to a Buddha who has not known carpentry. The carpenter may appear ignorant to the Buddha, but know more about woodworking than the Buddha thinks there is to know. Likewise, the Buddha would have many things to teach the carpenter. Can either accurately even attempt to assess the other's knowledge? I think not, nor would I willingly live in a world where all men were arrogant enough to think themselves capable of such an act that would most likely only reflect their own ignorance.

(No, David, this was not a direct reply to you, I'm just posting this for anyone who uses the link you posted)

What I am about to share is not Buddhism, it is Taoism, but it is a verse I like for this topic. Before I post it, note that the "master" is whoever is practicing, not necessarily someone who has practiced for a long time. The "master" simply refers to you, me, and anyone else to whom it may apply.

"A good traveler has no fixed plans
and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition
lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts
and keeps his mind open to what is.

Thus the Master is available to all people
and doesn't reject anyone.
He is ready to use all situations
and doesn't waste anything.
This is called embodying the light.

What is a good man but a bad man's teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man's job?
If you don't understand this, you will get lost,
however intelligent you are.
It is the great secret." -Chapter 27 of the Tao Te Ching(the book I have has "sections," not chapters, but I can't very well provide a URL link for paper and ink)

I'm very glad that the Buddha did not turn away those more ignorant than himself. If he had, we would not have Buddhism today.