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Tags: Writing, Role Play, Stories, Poems, Fiction 

Reply The Library (Poetry Wing)
Broken Dreamer (crtique please)

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esperanato

Shirtless Ladykiller

8,950 Points
  • Grunny Grabber 50
  • Survivor 150
  • Somebody Likes You 100
PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2010 7:58 pm


I used to dream of crazy things
Like of us and a field of flowers
Or us kissing with power
Now I believe I want to crush your throat
Punch your gut or
Blow your head up
If I knew how many girls were on the waiting list
If I knew who you were
What would have happened?
I might've saved myself
Might've helped my friends
Maybe saved the world
It all depends
When did I start this
When did it end?
It ended last weekend
during my time of tears
But now, I'm over you and you can't stoop me
If you try, I guarantee a good kick in the groin
So back off now, while you're still alive
You had your chance
Now try and survive
You had your chance
Now it's my turn to fly
PostPosted: Sun May 09, 2010 5:17 pm


i like the poem, you convey your emotions very well. May want to work on your punctuation a little to help the flow. I feel bad for the person that hurt you, seems like you cared about them alot. They lost an intelligent emotional person. But you are right, you can fly and do better than before. (∩_∩)

The lost angel4

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The Library (Poetry Wing)

 
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