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 Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 6:33 pm
Alright, Xuanzang here again! Sweet Undra did that hurt... anyway! Onto us now: the Mystics! We're basically high-level (but not highest-level; believe me, you do NOT want to meet them) servants of the gods, tasked with intervening for them at the opportune moment down on Endrax. They're not allowed to, see. Actually, we're not either except for things which come from outside of Endrax - the Blecks, for example. If it's just that Undra, say, doesn't like all the wars you lot fight, she can't do anything directly and neither can we. Alright! That covers basics I think. On to meeting a few of us personally:  XuanzangSo yeah, I’m Xuanzang, Leader of the Mystics, for all it’s worth... or Buddha Boy as Monkey-Man over there’s been calling me for the past century. Don’t know what the heck a Buddha is? So you shouldn’t, they aren’t around in this reality. Anyway though. I am still a monk, and a pacifist for that matter, as Wukong’s already said. I used to have a sweet dragon called Liu Long, but I’m not allowed to bring him down to the mortal realm anymore – something about ‘disturbing the balance of life’, though I think Zuo Ci just had to make budget cuts personally. Oh well, I got a pretty cool fan out of it to compensate, so I guess can’t complain too much – it even opens out and I can fly around on it! How awesome is that? Ahem. So seeing as I’m a pacifist, I obviously don’t have weapons or anything like that. I do have a staff for walking, but I’m not allowed to hit anyone with it – not that I’d want to hit anyone with it, of course. I’m much to civilised for any of that. (Plus I can just get Wukong to do it, and his staff’s a lot bigger and thicker, so it hurts more... same goes for that thing he takes into fights.) I do have powers, though – just none which can be used to hurt people. So I can control the weather a little, summon up the odd dust storm, talk to animals a bit... or maybe that last one’s just me going crazy. Nah, I’m way too laid back for that. What else... oh right, like all mystics, I serve all the gods, though Aether in particular. I’m often associated with Undra as well, though – guess it must be the whole ‘wisdom and peace’ thing we’ve got in common... well, ‘peace’ at any rate. (... on that note, yes I did therefore spy on the two deities I respect most for an entire century. Look, Ebera is scary as HECK, ok? And that’s coming from someone who’s seen heck and been there regularly on business, got the free lunch and everything! Wasn’t a bad lunch, actually, salad was a bit burnt but the curry was good... huh? Oh crap, tangent, where was I...) Actually, I don’t think there’s too much more to say, other than that I’m the brains of mine, Wukong, Bajie and Wujing’s little group... mostly because out of those three Wujing’s the only one with any brains, and he’s far too busy using them plotting to kill the other two. So yeah, I call the shots. When they listen to me. Which is virtually never. So in conclusion, I’m a divine warrior who can’t fight, a leader no one listens to and awful at completing tricolons. But I’m not useless, I swear. For example, I helped this little girl find her teddy once...
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Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 5:13 pm
 Sun WukongAnd next up on the agenda is the majestic, the gorgeous, the respected and revered king of all that is monkeh, Me!!! I go by many names: The Monkey King, Great Sage Equal of Heaven, Monkey Man, Supachimp, Crouching Banana Hidden Treebranch, Fuzzball, Deckpoop, and my favourite, Mr. Tree. But you'll probably call me Sun Wukong, seeing as thats my actual name, hehe! I'm a Mystic too, when it comes to fighting I'm outright the best! Except in water. Urgh... I hate that stuff. It's all wet and... liquidy. I'm often sent down to Endrax to handle some otherworldly uprising, and usually sent down with my well-known four man team, codenamed TEAM MYSTIC. It's always capitalised. Always. I've got a good number of powers, I can leap a good two miles, ride on clouds and I have super strength! Don't be messin' wit da monkay foo! I always have my staff, Ruyi Jingu Bang, with me, or Nyoi-Bo for short. He can change size at my will to as long and wide or as short and skinny as I want. I'm... a joker. A big one. I love to toy with my opponents in fights, I like seeing them get frustrated. I also can't sit still, and I can't keep quiet. I'm a heavy sleeper and I'm always late to meetings Xuanzang puts together... admittedly the rest of TEAM MYSTIC is late too, but I'm always the latest. I can shapeshift a bit, and I have all the skills of a monkey. I'm addicted to fruit, love it, can't get enough of it. And sleep. Sleep is FREAKIN' AWESOME. Sometimes I sleep in Incendeus' place, really comfy bed in there. But I stopped, because he caught me last time and he chased me all around heaven flaming like... well... a flaming god of fire. I tricked him and he tripped over Undra's celestial turtle and got stuck arguing with her. Now I sleep in Atra's bed. She keeps trying to have sex with me, but last time she had sex with a heavenly being it was Incendeus, and the dragons were born out of that! I don't wanna be the father of some freaky deaky Monkey evil hybrid! Just the thought of it sends shivers down my tail! Urhm... me and Aether don't talk much, he's the God of Life and the King of the Gods, apparently I'm a bad influence on other celestial beings (I keep messing with the Shades, they're all really dumb! Haha!) so he finds me kind of repulsive. I'm a big hit with the Goddesses though, Undra always wants me around so she can study me and determine why I'm so weird, one of the few things she doesn't know. Atra... you already know what she wants from me. Ebera likes me (sort of) because I piss off her husband... but then she beats me with a paddle when I screw up because I'm a "stupid little ugly monkey shitface" so she says... god, wonder who dominates the bed in HER marriage. Haha. Venturia really likes how I'm impulsive and free-spirited, often helps me in my pranks. Venturia's hot... I think we slept together once. Oh! We did! Thats when she gave me Ruyi Jingu Bang! I guess she thought a staff that can change size to something really big was symbolic of me... wink wink nudge nudge. I'm pretty tall when straightened up, but I usually crouch down and walk like a monkey, or lean on my staff. Me and Bajie are the tallest in our team. Bajie's fat... fat piggy... me and Bajie are two of the best fighting Mystics, but I'm a bit better. Him and Wujing constantly try to outsmart me BUT I'M TOO QUICK FOR THEM HAHA ******** YOU GUYS WAIT I NEED TO USE COMMAS MYSTICS CAN'T SWEAR ARE WE ALLOWED TO SWEAR I DON'T THINK WE ARE... *pant* *pant*... oh, I forgot to mention, I sometimes enter random feral fits of monkey hyperness... ness...
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Captain Teeb Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 5:49 pm
Sha Wujing Next is me the sea dweller or sea KING as I like to put it. My personality is very simple all it is, is that I am a very cocky, ugly fish man. In the water, I am the second best,fastest and strongest mystic in heaven, Undra is the Goddess of the seas so she is better than me in water, I can't ever be better than her but nobody else can beat me in the water ABSOLUTLEY NOBODY. Sorry, having a bit of a moment there. I have the longest fishing rod in the universe, I can catch fish from the clouds in heaven because my fishing rod is AN ENDLESS FISHING ROD. My powers.................... I have many powers Anyway, I go by many different names, such as Fishman, Spadeboy, Super Tuna, Water Terror, The j**z in the sea, A waste of Space, Airless Man and The Camp Alligator. Did I ever tell you the time I shagged the god of darkness named Atra, not only was it the most AMAZING shag in the world, but, it also created the Orcs they almost destroyed all life on endrax. As time passes I still dream about that shag, and I hope to do it again some time anyway my relationship with the other gods is very good, I worship one god more than others because she is the water goddess named Undra, I also am very good friends with my god of earth friend named Humus. I travel with the other mystics named Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie, Xuanzang and FuXi, most of the time I get along with Wukong, FuXi and Xuanzang but mainly all the time I don't get along Bajie because of his disgusting scent and the way he eats and the fact that he called his rake THE RAKE OF DOOM for crying out loud I mean for jesus' sake please change the name to something a bit better I mean my weapon is a spear on one end and a shovel on the other but he has got a frigin rake. That's basically all about me so my random time now here goes nothing......................Chicken, Roast Beef, Boom, Bang, Orange Peel, Table, Balls, Tits, Jiggle, Wiggle, Tipple, Topple Stop............. Air Triangle, Ding, Dong, Pass It On, Flip, Flop, Water, Grass, Fire, Earth, Can't be bothered to name more that's it now GO AWAY.
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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:05 am
Zhu Bajie*Om nom nom* HO- WHAT THE! WHERE'D THE HELL YOU COME FROM? *Ahem* I'm the wonderful, sexy, awesomely awesome Pigman with an excellent figure. I go by awe inspiring titles such as, Pigsy, Pig, Fatty, Sandwich Man, Mr. Eats Everything... that one aint t- OK FINE MAYBE IT IS... but have you ever eaten a toilet? I don't recomend that, spent a week gettin' poo water outa' my system. As for my SUPERNATURAL POWERS I can clone myself about three times, not nearly as much as Wukong... and I can also use a cloud to get around, but it takes like 7 or 8 to get me off the ground and even more to actually transport me somewhere... hehe... OOH OOH I can also lift something equal to several tons, but I can't go too far, what with the morbid obesity and all. Now for the deeds of my life, I've had a pretty fun time with the other Mystics, we get up to many wacky hijinks in our time, like that time I forced Wukong into a bath... I was stuck in the ground for about a week afterwards, and there was that time we were fighting the horsemen of apocalypse and I ate Famine. Yeah irony there... I ATE the incarnation of starving to death, had stomach ache for quite a while. Did I mention the RAKE.OF.DOOM? This thing ROCKS, its great for sticking and spearing all manner things including food due to its awesome design. How did I get this weapon of divine power you ask? Took it off some vegetarian dude couple thousand years ago and he still hasnt come to get it back. I also eat... and I mean EAT, when I'm in heaven they have to RATION the food... but its heaven they dont run out of food... except for that one time I somehow managed to eat everything in heaven, and MAN were the gods pissed... I can't remember what happened but I woke up nake in a bath tub covered in hot sauce and there was a whip next to me... hurm... and then I was told I can't legally go near the female gods anymore. I mean all I did was make drunk and disorderly and sexist comments of their rack sizes nothing to bad. Anyway enough about that, more about me... I am quite tall, me and the monkey are the tallest in the team and I'm also VERY VERY FAT... But it really helps in a scrap where the bad guys find they can't pierce my flab half of the time, and the STENCH is enough to nearly knock out Wukong, when travelling I usually walk when I can be arsed or use the clouds when I can't... and finally I have an uncontrollable urge to eat anything and everything at any given moment... seriously.
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Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 11:15 am
Xuanzang here again. So now you've seen what my three best friends are like, I just have one thing to say!
... I bloody hate my life.
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Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:33 am
FuXiHitderbidgery shibwab haggle fraggle berdubob yubibblyboo! How dare you! Walkin' in on an old turtle when he's fiddling with his witchermiwatts and his hoohahs! Back in my day you didn't have to ask all these weird questions! Who're you, what're you, where ye from, where's my gondolas blah blah blah, back in my day we had RESPECT! We ALL knew the names of the deities. Like Xuan-... thingy... THEY AIN'T IMPORTANT SHUT UP STOP HASSLIN' ME I'M OOOOLD. Anybizzle... my name is... urm... my name... my name is... oh yeah, Jimmy... wait, no, its Fuxi. Hear me? Foo. Shee. Riggydiggle. Powers? I don't have any... oh! But I have super strength! And my skull is invincible, and I wear this crash helmet, makes it twice as invincible! My shell is invincible too, with an infinite pocket dimension inside it! If you get in there, stay the majiggerygack away from my pantry. And my underwear. And my teddybear... I have mad origami skills! Does that count as a power? No? WELL I SAID I DIDN'T HAVE ANY. I'm the only mystic that ages, so... I'm old. I can't walk well, and my sides ache, and i've got some weird gung comeing out of my fooflaps and such... and thats why corn chips are the best... wait what were we talking about? STAY AWAY FROM MA PUDDING! You nosey feller's remind me 'o' Norman, nice guy Norman he could solve any mystery be it murder or lost items or... where am i going with this? Oh yeah, the the moral of the story is DON'T TOUCH MA PUDDING!... yA STILL READING? WOW YOU HAVE SOME patience. My relationship with the mystics is... unique like Wukong that crazy badger is always playing pranks on me, GOD'S DAMN IT I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!... Now what were we talking about? oh yeah! the mystics. Then there is this hippo called Bad jay... wait no... badjy?... baaaji?... Wait thats it! magi yeah he's called magi! Damn fat thing always eating, and slobbering, and eating, and sitting. and feasting, and... what are we talking about? oh yeah the fish sticks... er.. myshticks...wait no no no its... what are we talking about? oh yeah STAY AWAY FROM MA PUDDING!!!
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