How long was I out? Slowly opening my eyes I can see that it was night time again. Thus my time to think, to let my mind wonder onto why they had done what they did. Sedation? Did they really drugged me? For what? Just because I told them I wanted to divorce, and I was in love with another man that was nearly four years younger than I?
Oh but to them it was not normal. A 20 year old could not possibly have any love with a soon to be a 17 year old boy. Yes boy. That was all they referred to him as. But to me he was more that, he was the man I loved. Why could not they see that!?
As much as I told them I was fine, they only shook their heads at me. As if I was a young child that had done something wrong. Then soon I felt hands on my arms to restrain me. Holding me as a needle with sedation came into my veiw.
Sadly my fear of needles only made me squirm more. Yes I give blood but I am scared to death of the needle. And now I have a good reason to be.
"Mrs Allen you will be fine, this is only will makes you better." 'Better?! You're going to shoot s**t into me for something that I asked for?! I did not even threaten with a spoon, Crayon or a ******** piece of paper!? What the hell!?' I struggled more and more making my heart rate accelerates more.
"B-but all I said was I love Marcus!"
"Mrs. Allen your married. And he is just a child, therefore you cannot be in love with him. You could go to jail for being a *****... Now your husband loves you to let us help you."
'Help!? By shooting drugs into me that god knows what can do to me!? How is that help? He was the one who drove me here in the first place!' "No you do not understand! I told you Allen has been emotionally abusing me! Why aren't you listening! I want the divorce so I can get back my life!"
But it was too late. I felt the sting of the needle making me scream like a small child. Maybe it was not as bad as I made it out to be. But when no one is listening to you.....
What is one to think?
"Mrs. Allen you will be fine. You just need a nap then we can discuss what we can do to fix your marriage and make you better."
'Better... I doubt that I can ever be better. Much less even be myself anymore.'
"Rest Mrs. Allen you will be treated and better before you know it."
'Mrs Allen... I will forever curse that damns name to hell. I feel I belong with him, and thanks to him, he has even made everyone believes that I belong here. Do I really belong here? In a place where the mind has gone so far deep one can only be begging for death and constantly think about it?'
I only stare up at the ceiling letting my tears fall silently knowing they will be watching. Knowing that I could be sedated again just for crying to him. And thanks to my own lies, my own failures to keep him. I lost him to another girl. Could Allen be right and only fell in puppy love? Maybe I should just tell them I will stay with Allen... Just be an obedient mutt I find myself to be.
~~~~~
And sadly I wake up to see a familiar ceiling of mine and my friend Danni's bedroom. My heart hurting but knowing its just my memories reminding me of what I had lost. What I can still lose. My obedience I will forever fight. But now my question is which obedience am I will be listening to? Allen or my own mind telling me that I can never really make Marcus happy?
Oh but to them it was not normal. A 20 year old could not possibly have any love with a soon to be a 17 year old boy. Yes boy. That was all they referred to him as. But to me he was more that, he was the man I loved. Why could not they see that!?
As much as I told them I was fine, they only shook their heads at me. As if I was a young child that had done something wrong. Then soon I felt hands on my arms to restrain me. Holding me as a needle with sedation came into my veiw.
Sadly my fear of needles only made me squirm more. Yes I give blood but I am scared to death of the needle. And now I have a good reason to be.
"Mrs Allen you will be fine, this is only will makes you better." 'Better?! You're going to shoot s**t into me for something that I asked for?! I did not even threaten with a spoon, Crayon or a ******** piece of paper!? What the hell!?' I struggled more and more making my heart rate accelerates more.
"B-but all I said was I love Marcus!"
"Mrs. Allen your married. And he is just a child, therefore you cannot be in love with him. You could go to jail for being a *****... Now your husband loves you to let us help you."
'Help!? By shooting drugs into me that god knows what can do to me!? How is that help? He was the one who drove me here in the first place!' "No you do not understand! I told you Allen has been emotionally abusing me! Why aren't you listening! I want the divorce so I can get back my life!"
But it was too late. I felt the sting of the needle making me scream like a small child. Maybe it was not as bad as I made it out to be. But when no one is listening to you.....
What is one to think?
"Mrs. Allen you will be fine. You just need a nap then we can discuss what we can do to fix your marriage and make you better."
'Better... I doubt that I can ever be better. Much less even be myself anymore.'
"Rest Mrs. Allen you will be treated and better before you know it."
'Mrs Allen... I will forever curse that damns name to hell. I feel I belong with him, and thanks to him, he has even made everyone believes that I belong here. Do I really belong here? In a place where the mind has gone so far deep one can only be begging for death and constantly think about it?'
I only stare up at the ceiling letting my tears fall silently knowing they will be watching. Knowing that I could be sedated again just for crying to him. And thanks to my own lies, my own failures to keep him. I lost him to another girl. Could Allen be right and only fell in puppy love? Maybe I should just tell them I will stay with Allen... Just be an obedient mutt I find myself to be.
~~~~~
And sadly I wake up to see a familiar ceiling of mine and my friend Danni's bedroom. My heart hurting but knowing its just my memories reminding me of what I had lost. What I can still lose. My obedience I will forever fight. But now my question is which obedience am I will be listening to? Allen or my own mind telling me that I can never really make Marcus happy?
