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Whoa, I planned on reviewing earlier but my connection turned to crap, so I come back and... well.

Okay. You have enough of a subject matter here for pages and pages, but it's awfully short. Unless you mean for this to be under a certain amount of words--and even then it could be worked on--you're definitely not showing enough of it.
Let me say this now: there is no such thing as a bad idea. So I'm not going to touch directly on your story, more like on how it's been delivered.

A few grammatical errors to keep in mind: Comma splices are in general bad, unless you've got a good reason. "Elise awoke screaming, the nightmares were getting worse." 'Elise awoke screaming' is a sentence. 'The nightmares were getting worse' is a sentence. You can't put two complete clauses together with a comma. The exception would be in something more like speech, as you have here: “To leave this place, to come with me.” In general, though, avoid connecting two sentences with a comma like it's the plague.
'“Satan, yes” The man put in.' Don't forget the comma after 'yes', and 'the' wouldn't need to be capitalized.

It's a matter of development. You can say 'X felt scared' or you can say 'X's heart raced. His eyes flickered around the room as if searching, though he was alone. The skin of his palms was beginning to turn cold and sweaty.' You can say 'X loved to read' or you can say 'X noticed the top shelf of his bookcase was bending again from the large pile of books he'd finished in the past month, and shifted the weight around, reminding himself to tell his mother he would need a new one... again.' (Oh man I am SO using that, lol.)

Showing and telling are two different things. In general, it's much better to show and to tell, though this is a rule that can be broken if you have enough of a reason.
For example, I recently read a book where one character was pretty much dying. It was drawn out, described, his last moments and words... but he didn't die. It was a choice by the author to trick the reader into thinking he would die, and I was definitely lulled... So, time passes, and eventually that character is shown to have been dying the whole time. Again, we get the longish, drawn out sequence that tugs at the heartstrings once again. But he doesn't die right then. A few paragraphs later, after describing a little passage of time, you get the simple line 'Everard died'. I'd have been less inclined to sadness if we'd gone through yet another drawn out sequence. At that point, it was okay to just come out and say it. No playing around or melodrama.

But that is not the case the majority of the time. Most of the time, draw it out. Pull the reader in. Make the reader feel.
Take this line of yours: "Quickly she turned, but saw no one. When she looked back at the watch..."
You could do so much with this to set atmosphere, feeling, mood, description... I assume she's in her room, so here goes: "She whirled to look, but all she saw was the darkness of her room. Her bed was unkempt from flinging herself from it, and the soft light of the street lamp outside her window--gently flickering--cast the faintest of shadows in the corners and walls. Her heart settling after a moment, she turned to look back at the watch. " Also, it's a bad idea to say, in speech, what someone feels. That's telling as well.

This is a matter of practice. You won't get brilliant at this after a few days of trying it. (Goodness knows mine are rather mediocre...) But it's the surest way of developing style.