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 Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 10:47 pm
The Poet's Wife
She lives her life - itself the poem;
today is about the beauty of her children.
Yesterday was the radiant morning's coupling
and tomorrow will be how fast the children grow.
Time does, indeed, fly; for her it is verse by verse.
She walks her meter and breathes her rhymes
whilst I squeeze out these things
word by word.
I call her not poetry in motion,
but a poem-life, a breathing, living poem,
describing kindness and humor, grace and beauty -
all as words tired and overused, even when true.
She simply is them, and by being, writes them
truer than a Psalm. And, like most women,
doesn't even know it; and, like most poets,
wouldn't believe this if you told her.
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Posted: Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:59 pm
I don't have much of a critique for this one. I really liked it, though! It flowed nicely, and I enjoyed reading it quite a bit.
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Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 10:08 pm
This is a subject that is easy to appreciate, especially among poets. It is more than likely that we've all felt that longing, that almost jealousy, when we read or see something that exudes a meaning or serenity that we have to struggle to convey in an interesting way with our own words- our own attempt at a comfortable flow. You capture that parallel here quite clearly in the coupling
whilst I squeeze out these things
word by word.
I found myself expecting the second line to read 'one word at a time.' for the easy rhyme and closure. With that thought looming, you choose to use 'word by word' to stand in stark contrast to the wife character's ease in all things poetic (walks meter, breathes rhyme). There is a marvelous amount of thought visible just in this first half.
all as words tired and overused, even when true. Initially, I really found myself struggling to let this line end the way it does. After reading it a few more times, on separate occasions, I understood both why I had wanted to do away with it and how it fits the grouping so well. Just like above, you refuse to simply propose- you immediate embody your point. 'even when true' is such a clear embracing of 'tired and overused'. You can just feel the energy drip from the words, escape from the line completely. Because of the way words like 'kindness and humor, grace and beauty' have been so long overused and misused- completely undermined- they have been completely released of their intended meaning. Again, quite impressive.
And, like most women,
doesn't even know it; and, like most poets,
wouldn't believe this if you told her.
The only part of the whole poem that still doesn't sit well with me after over 15 times through it is the last half of the last line- 'if you told her.' I understand if it's more your style to finish poems subtly or quietly, but this has such an underlying tension. (<---like right there). I like the women analogy- keeps well with the premise and flow. I then also like the comparison to poets- also compliments the build of the piece. I'm even with you all the way through 'wouldn't believe this'.
'wouldn't believe this with all in chorus.'
'wouldn't believe this from lips of pure gold.'
Leave us with something to snack on. Thanks for the great read! biggrin
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:08 pm
This is one of the best poems I've read in Shryiz. It's really amazing, though I feel that Elemental has done such a good job saying everything that I would have said I needn't repeat it. I do, however, as a personal opinion, disagree with his last statement, I love the last line the best in the whole poem, but maybe it just hits a soft spot in me? Who knows. Anyway, great job, amazing poem, keep writing!
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:13 pm
I fully agree with booncj and Elemental, This is a poem that makes mine, look like table scraps.
Just one question, I may look stupid for this, but what does Psalm mean? It is a quizzical word to me.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:39 pm
IgoRawR1337 I fully agree with booncj and Elemental, This is a poem that makes mine, look like table scraps. Just one question, I may look stupid for this, but what does Psalm mean? It is a quizzical word to me. Always better to ask. Psalm is literally "song", but more commonly is a reference to the collection of Pslams found in the Old Testament, which are still held in regard for their poetic functionality.
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:44 pm
booncj This is one of the best poems I've read in Shryiz. It's really amazing, though I feel that Elemental has done such a good job saying everything that I would have said I needn't repeat it. I do, however, as a personal opinion, disagree with his last statement, I love the last line the best in the whole poem, but maybe it just hits a soft spot in me? Who knows. Anyway, great job, amazing poem, keep writing! You are perfectly entitled to that point. The whole piece is made so complex in its simplicity that I felt myself wanting there to be a more visibly profound ending so I could better justify why I like the piece as a whole so much. *shrug*
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Posted: Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:15 pm
When there's consistency like there is in your work, I give the benefit of the doubt- and for using what sounded right to you, you have gained insight into the complexity that comes naturally to you. There's really nothing like love as an inspiration, but I doubt you need anyone to tell you that.
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