[[ This has been copy/pasted from two of my journals on dA so that's why it might seem a bit odd ]]


Well, first, if you've read my previous entries you all know about my friend who is leaving on next monday,
and from my old school we had been invited to a little event at the beach which will be today at 3:00 o'clock PM (( Right now it's 9:57 am as I type this ))

We were invited about four to three days ago, and I was happy because I had gotten permission from my mom to go, also , my friend is going to go too, and today and tomorrow are practicaly the last days I would be able to see her.

- Yesterday afternoon: A friend suddenly came home , and was around here for a while until around 7 pm , but then he was a bit scared to go alone 'coz it was late at night, so I decided to accompany half the way until he could take the bus, at that time mom wasn't home, but then she came here before I did, and got really angry, though, I didn't ask for permission because I couldn't call her, neither she was here, and she got angry because of me walking out of the house at that time - but I just did it because I didn't want him to go alone at that time - , so after yelling to me a lot, she finaly said that there was no way I could go to the beach today, that it was completely forbidden,

And as I got feelings too, I began to feel kind of sad because of that, I was sitting on the comp when she said that but I didn't even feel like doing anything at all over here, so I turned it off, put the parrot in his box for him to sleep, and walked straight to my room and unto my bed without even having dinner.

Because of that, and some other personal issues I won't be disscussing right now, I began to feel very bad, to tell the truth I had been feeling a bit down this recent days, and that just made it all worse, and soon, tears began to come from my eyes as a big pain began to cover me, but I didn't want to lose to that pain, even if it was too big, normaly I've always liked to say, '' If I can take someone else's pain to make him/her feel better, I'd do it because I could handle it somehow '' , but this time it was a pain I couldn't really handle at all.

However, even if the pain was horrible, even if images of a lot of stuff going around made the sadness was big enough and to grow even more, struggling not to cry, or at least to cry in silence I began to whisper: '' I declare Everything will be fine in the name of Jesus '' , even if the pain was growing and growing and tears didn't stop to come, I continued to whisper that, and continued for about one hour or so // didn't really look at the time //

At the end I ended up whispering '' And I declare in the name of Jesus that I will go ''

And at the end, all of the sudden, my mom entered the room and said '' You will go tomorrow ''

and at that moment the first thing that jumped to my mind was '' Thanks God, thank you so much''

Even if the experience was hard, considering I never cry because of anything, there was this point where it even felt as if I had no feeling, nothing could really make me cry , never, but this time the pain was so big, it was as if all my problems were falling over me and crushing my feelings, as they had stabbed my wounds with a knife, it was a very very very very hard experience, but now, I am happy because God proved me again that even if the situation is of absolute despair as long as I have some hope and keep believing a miracle can happen ^ ^

---


:gasps for air:

A LOT of stuff happened on this day,
I you remember about two journal entries ago I didn't know how to get to the airport,
well, right now my hands are shaking so I'll just copy paste this quick summary of what happened today:

Well, 1- my friend is leaving tomorrow, since like december or before
*I wanted to go to the airport
*she also wanted her friends to go
*so teh day arrived and she's leaving tomorrow
*at the end no one else will go
*and today
*2 pm
*I still had no idea how to go
*yet on last dreamland
*I remember going
*and before last dreamland, I was to be honest, beginning to lose hope on going
*but after this dreamland,
*today morning
*I was like,
*no
*No way I can give up yet!
*I still have one day to find something
*and I kept believing God had an answer and he would tell me
*so today morning after waking up an idea sudenly jumped to my mind
*'' Ask her if she can ask her family for me to go along with them''
*I was still however
*very unsure of that idea
*but at church todya morning
*something that was said was like God saying
*ASK HER!
*so ,
*today afternoon I saw went to her house
*and asked her
*and she asked her mom
*and she said I could come along but
*they would be goen there so
*ther ewasn't anyone to take me back home
*The aiport here is on a far away , dangerous area
*so the BIG
*problem was
*how in the world am I going to return by myself
*plus not me neither my mom had any money at all
*no money at all, LITERALY
*and after doing some reserach I needed at least $28
*to return on a taxi
*which itself is an adventure
*'coz even taxis are dangerous there
*after SUPER BIG FAMILY ISSUE with none of them wanting me to go
*I stood up and told my mom
*' I don't care
*I will go
*I have hope
*and faith
*and if I've come this far
*I can't turn back
*I declare I will go
*and I trust God that I will go
*''
*and after much more issues
*and problems
*and stuff
*with my family all yelling
*I kept believing
*and believing
*and believing
*and believing
*and stuff turned pretty harsh over here
*but God someone gave me the money
*and here I got it
*and I'll be able to go
*and now tomorrow will really be an adventure
*when my friend's left
*I'll be by myself
*on a far away and dangerous airport
*