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 Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:24 pm
Zach,
This is just so crazy. One minute i'm myself, another minute im unrecognizable to my friends. How do i start this new beginning? Mabe i should call him... but how? I'm in America while he's in Canada. Yeah currently I'm in Holland, michigan, soon to be in nevada... I don't really know exactly where in Nevada but i do know i'll be starting college soon. i'm already 19 , should've graduated highschool when i was 17 not 19. i guess im writing to you because my 'rents dont know how to understand me either. Big bro why cant i forget about everything? Im not meant to be here... could dimitri possibly still want me back? could i possibly be confused beond the universe? i hope you get this soon.
love,
Leah
She encloses the letter, spritzing her favorite perfume on the paper before putting it into the envelope. the scent of mangos and lillies of the valley engulfed her senses. As her beginning of the day stops with and abrupt hault. It was Andrea, her best friend, pounding on her car door. Startled Leah opens it only to see Andrea's eyes cloudy with tears. In her hands she held a piece of white paper. droplets of blood was on it, still in shock Leah lept up and held her friend, knowing exactly what it was, a suicide note from Adrian. he had been talking about his life ending for the past week. but Leah didnt know exactly what to think. she thought that he was just being himself. Leah took the note and in sloppy handwriting it said:
fellow friends,
sorry i am causing ur sorrow. but my life is not to go on. so in the end i'd like to say. forget me and leave me lay.
love,
Adrian
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Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:24 pm
i like it, but it sort of makes mo sense. i mean, who is zach? who are all of these other people. it seems like you took something right out from teh middle of your story without explaining anything.
when she spritzes the letter i get the feeling that shes in her room or house, then someone bangs on her car door. it sortof makes no sense to me.
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:59 pm
kaela2015 i like it, but it sort of makes mo sense. i mean, who is zach? who are all of these other people. it seems like you took something right out from teh middle of your story without explaining anything. when she spritzes the letter i get the feeling that shes in her room or house, then someone bangs on her car door. it sortof makes no sense to me. im sorry i should've made stuff clearer... its actually the beginning of the story it makes more sense if you read the whole thing... which i will have posted soon. Zach is her pen pal
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Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 10:30 pm
I don't understand it neutral Also, its not that interesting to me. It may appeal to other readers but for me it was boring. I would say clarify it, and add more detail.
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Posted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 5:24 pm
Psycho Brownie I don't understand it neutral Also, its not that interesting to me. It may appeal to other readers but for me it was boring. I would say clarify it, and add more detail. alright thanx for ur input i greatly appreciate it i will improve it asap
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