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 Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 2:59 pm
I'm seventeen, a virgin, and finally have a boyfriend. We have been dating for roughly four months. Its not long, but we've been getting closer.
We tease each other, but we didn't really do the 'honeymoon' phase.
So I'd say we are somewhat serious.
I just recently found that he is not a virgin, where as I am. He does want to have sex eventually. He's being really patient about it, seeing as he's never actually came out and said bluntly that he wants to screw, and any time that he wants to in some sort of way, I kind of make it into a joke. Which I do think is hurting him a bit. So I've been giving sex a thought.
I just have some questions that I am way to scared to ask my parents.
1. Birth-control. I know that I might want to think about using it. I'm terrified of getting pregnant at my age. But I really don't like the idea of birth control, because they can have some nasty effects on women from what I've read. And if by some chance you do get pregnant there can be some form of birth defects. And some will totally kill my period, and I already have wonky periods as it is. Which ones will work with out killing me?
2. Condoms. No chance am I risking, as previously state, pregnancy. Which brand works best? I know not to use oil based lube too.
3. When is the best time to have sex? I mean I'm sure there is no set day when its safe to have sex with no risks, it would be epic if there were. But right after the period? Or is it a week after?
Please help. After I will have some stuff to talk to the rents about and the the boy about.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 3:10 pm
sarra_bones92 I'm seventeen, a virgin, and finally have a boyfriend. We have been dating for roughly four months. Its not long, but we've been getting closer. We tease each other, but we didn't really do the 'honeymoon' phase. So I'd say we are somewhat serious. I just recently found that he is not a virgin, where as I am. He does want to have sex eventually. He's being really patient about it, seeing as he's never actually came out and said bluntly that he wants to screw, and any time that he wants to in some sort of way, I kind of make it into a joke. Which I do think is hurting him a bit. So I've been giving sex a thought. I just have some questions that I am way to scared to ask my parents. 1. Birth-control. I know that I might want to think about using it. I'm terrified of getting pregnant at my age. But I really don't like the idea of birth control, because they can have some nasty effects on women from what I've read. And if by some chance you do get pregnant there can be some form of birth defects. And some will totally kill my period, and I already have wonky periods as it is. Which ones will work with out killing me? 2. Condoms. No chance am I risking, as previously state, pregnancy. Which brand works best? I know not to use oil based lube too. 3. When is the best time to have sex? I mean I'm sure there is no set day when its safe to have sex with no risks, it would be epic if there were. But right after the period? Or is it a week after? Please help. After I will have some stuff to talk to the rents about and the the boy about. Well, for condoms I used Durex and Trojan brands and they haven't failed me yet. As for the timing I heard right after the period but I think I'll leave that to a woman's input for that one since I'm not that sure.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 3:31 pm
sarra_bones92 I'm seventeen, a virgin, and finally have a boyfriend. We have been dating for roughly four months. Its not long, but we've been getting closer. We tease each other, but we didn't really do the 'honeymoon' phase. So I'd say we are somewhat serious. I just recently found that he is not a virgin, where as I am. He does want to have sex eventually. He's being really patient about it, seeing as he's never actually came out and said bluntly that he wants to screw, and any time that he wants to in some sort of way, I kind of make it into a joke. Which I do think is hurting him a bit. So I've been giving sex a thought. I just have some questions that I am way to scared to ask my parents. 1. Birth-control. I know that I might want to think about using it. I'm terrified of getting pregnant at my age. But I really don't like the idea of birth control, because they can have some nasty effects on women from what I've read. And if by some chance you do get pregnant there can be some form of birth defects. And some will totally kill my period, and I already have wonky periods as it is. Which ones will work with out killing me? 2. Condoms. No chance am I risking, as previously state, pregnancy. Which brand works best? I know not to use oil based lube too. 3. When is the best time to have sex? I mean I'm sure there is no set day when its safe to have sex with no risks, it would be epic if there were. But right after the period? Or is it a week after? Please help. After I will have some stuff to talk to the rents about and the the boy about. Question #1 Birth Control pills are an individual thing, but I will tell you that there are side effects to any drug in the world. Some people get those side effects, some don't. I've been on the Pill for three years now with no side effects. As for your period, the Pill is more likely to help regulate it than make it stop. If you go to planned parenthood or the clinic or your doctor, they can help you find the best one for you. You probably want a 21 day pill where you take it for 21 days, then go a week with sugar pills (which is when you have your period) and then go onto it. Keep in mind a few things: 1) The Pill is 99.9% effective when taken every day at the same time without fail2) The Pill only becomes effective after the first month of taking it. 3) The Pill does not protect against STIs/STDs. ---- Question #2 As for condoms, if you stick to the name brands - Trojan, Durex, and Lifestyles - you should be okay. I recommend getting a condom with spermicide as condoms are only 97% effective. Adding spermicide to the mix will increase the protection rate. Honestly you should use a condom with a combination of say, the Pill, in order to be safe from STDs/STIs as well as pregnancy. ---- Question #3 The 'safest' time to have sex is right after your period as you're not ovulating at that time, though this is assuming you're on the average 28-day cycle which a lot of women aren't. However, if you *are* on a 28-day cycle, you ovulate around the 14th day of your cycle and that is when you are most fertile, so stay away from sex them. --- With that said, you should keep in mind there are plenty of other birth control options out there ( This webiste outlines some of them) and you can feel free to ask me/us about the other options or your doctor or parents. Also, make sure you *want* to have sex. Not just because you think it's 'fair' to him, but because you really, really want to. If he cares about you, then he'll wait. There are also a lot of other things you can do other than sex like a hand-job and oral sex if you're not comfortable with penetration yet. The key though is communication. You need to let this guy know you're thinking about it and that you're a virgin. Communication is always the key. You two need to be on the same page.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:16 pm
Like Yu said, make sure you want to have sex and feel prepared to have sex first. Don't do it just because you think he wants it.
Don't forget that there are many birth control options. Not all of them interfere with your cycle or have serious side effects. There are hormonal methods (like the pill, patch, and ring), which are generally more effective, are easier to use, but have more potential serious side effects. And there are non-hormonal methods (like condoms, spermicide, and diaphragms), which are sometimes harder to use, are usually not as effective, but have fewer potential serious side effects.
Since you're young and really don't want to get pregnant I would recommend using condoms and one hormonal method. It might seem kind of scary since there are some nasty potential side effects, but don't forget that those side effects are rare. And don't be turned off to birth control if you don't have good luck with one form. There are many options for a reason. Your doctor will sit you down and discuss what method she thinks will be best for you. You can always go back in and get a different method if that one doesn't work out. And you can always get off the hormonal method after a few years when pregnancy wouldn't be such a bad thing, when you have a better understanding of your cycle, etc.
You're right that there is no time of the month when pregnancy is impossible. But there are times when we are more or less fertile. So you can reduce your chance of getting pregnant by having sex at your least fertile times. Like Yu said, in the typical 28 day cycle, ovulation occurs around day 14. Day 1 is the first day of your cycle. Sperm can live in the v****a for almost a week. So you'd have a window of relative safety during your period. If your period is no longer than five days, you would have a very small window of relative safety immediately after your period. But your best time would be after ovulation (after day 14 for most women). That's because an egg only lives for about one day. After that your body is just preparing for another period. So most women are not going to get pregnant after ovulation and up into their next period.
You can use www.mymonthlycycles.com to help you keep track of your period and see which days you are most likely going to be fertile. You can also keep track of your discharge. When you're fertile your discharge will probably look clear and stringy, just like egg whites. So you can avoid sex when you see that if you want to play it safe. Just don't forget that bodies are funny things. If you have irregular periods, it might hard for you to keep track, even with the help of a website. And not all women with 28 day cycles ovulate perfectly on day 14 either. Some women even ovulate during their period! So use protection every single time, even if you think you're at a safe point in your cycle. And don't forget that if you're on hormonal birth control and are taking it properly, then it will be preventing ovulation. So in that case you wouldn't really need to worry about where you are in your cycle.
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Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:09 pm
1) If you really really don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex. Because as long as you're having sex, even if you're protected, there's always a slim chance it can happen.
If you do decide to have sex together, talk beforehand and discuss what you two will do if there's an unplanned pregnancy - what will you do, how much will the option cost (if applicable), what will you do about funds, etc?
Regarding birth control options, the hormonal methods all pretty much have side effects. Each one affects each woman differently, so we can't say how you might react to a method or what your side effects might be. Talk to your doctor about which one is best for you. Aside from the Pill, the other common methods include the Patch and the Nuva Ring. As Lorien said, using condoms and one of the hormonal methods is usually best. You can also use a condom with a non-hormonal method, like a diaphram or spermicide, but those aren't as effective.
All birth control methods work, but some work better for some women than others. Some women have had nausea during the Pill, others haven't. Some have had massive bleeding from Depo Provera, others haven't. None will kill you, but some have some strong (temporary) side effects. Again, talk to your doctor about which method is best for you.
As for birth defects from using hormonal birth control while pregnant, nothing has been 100% proved yet. I've seen a little bit of research that indicates that there are some potential hazards to the baby, but nothing that says 100% for sure that a baby would have birth defects from the hormonal birth control being in the mother's body during pregnancy. Your doctor would be able to give you more information.
---
2) Condoms also aren't 100%, but they're the only protection you get from STD's (hormonal birth control doesn't protect you in that sense). There are different sizes and shapes available, so your boyfriend will have to try and find one that fits him and is comfortable to wear. Once he finds something, then you can expand a little and try ones with different styles (ribbed, studded, warming lube, etc). You two can communicate and decide which ones you two want to try.
---
3) For cycle times, Lorien and Yukito summed it up pretty well I think, so I won't repeat what they said
~
Lastly, I know they've said it already, but it's worth repeating - do not have sex with him until you're 100% ready. That may be 6 months into your relationship, it may be a year, or maybe 2 years or more. Whatever it takes, if he really truly cares about you, he'll wait. Someone who loves you respects your wishes and your self-worth. Take the time to educate yourself, learn your options, and be comfortable with yourself and your boyfriend together as a couple. 3nodding
I grew up with my first boyfriend, for example, and we knew each other well. But we waited until over a year into our relationship before we slept together - time enough to get comfortable with each other and for me to get onto hormonal birth control. When it finally happened, we both felt ready and prepared. I'm glad I waited as long as I did (I was 17) and it was with someone I cared about (and still do, though in a different way now). Even though we broke up a little over a year later, I have no regrets.
Most importantly, talk and communicate with each other. Don't assume he knows what you're thinking and feeling, and vice versa. If you're having an issue with something, talk to him about it before it gets worse. Make sure when you're ready, he's ready too and you're both prepared.
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Posted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 10:16 pm
I take the bcp, and I highly recommend Kariva. It has given me no side-effects whatsoever, and keeps my period very regular. I know the exact day it will start every month.
It might not work exactly the same for you, but it works great for me. (:
Ask your boyfriend if he has used condoms before. If he has, he probably knows what size fits him best (and a good fit means it will do its job better).
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Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 3:03 pm
 I appoint *you* Secretary of Cheese, and I'm telling you now, if he has had sex before, you SHOULD try to get him to go for testing. I didn't, and my guy had sex before too, (I was also a virgin) and a year later I have a horrible STI from that first few times I had sex with him and it's caused irreversible damage to my reproductive track. There's a good change I will never get pregnant.
If he really does care about you, he will understand. I got the STI even though we were using a condom, they don't 100% prevent them.
I'm not trying to scare you, you just need to protect yourself! Remember that if he really cares about you, he will understand!
It's up to you, though, your decision, not mine :3  *you* Keeper of the Lint.
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