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***** Finally, FINALLY, I will open up and rant about it *****

I apologize in advance to anyone who actually takes the time to read this; because I know that it's probably not going to be at all well written, and may not even be entirely cohesive..

As most of you know -- or didnt know until now I moved to BC at the end of August with my Boyfriend, Christopher.

I had just Graduated from Highschool and wanted to live my life, I wanted to find my own and stop being pushed and forced into roles that I didnt see myself in.. And I honestly thought that by moving I could escape all that Drama and just be me.

At first things were wonderful, I was happy to be with my man and even more happy to be away from my family and the stress that, that brings.
But after a while things just got worse and worse.. It started with little things like him playing his video game often.. But that turned into him playing his video game for hours and hours, never wanting to even go out for coffee.. And considering the amount of time that we get to spend together I just began to find it offensive.. I mean come on!! I work days, he works nights and he is in school right now.. She the total amount of time that we get to spend together is.. Maybe an hour a day, and that is split up into smaller fragments of time, inbetween him waking up and going to work or school..
I have tried so many times to just sit him down and talk about how I would really appreciate it if we could spend more time together.. How it would be great if we could just go out for coffee, or even watch a movie, but then he gets upset and tells me that all I do is complain and that the amount of time we spend together is fine and normal..

But thats not all thats been bothering me.. He wont have sex with me!! And I know thats a persnal thing to be saying but you guys are all my friends and its true!! I have tried everything, from buying toys, to outfits, to a gosh darn stripper pole!! Which he still hasnt even put up in our room, and considering I dont know how to find the studs in the ceiling I dont want to attempt to put it up just to have it fall out and wreck the ceiling or hurt myself.. But nothing has worked.. Just the other morning I went to go hop in the shower with him and he said "no, it will take too long." I get laid maybe once every two weeks.. And thats if im lucky!! Even then, things have turned into a wam bam thank you mam sort of thing.. He never wants to cuddle afterwards, everything is so rehearsed and dull.. Its horrible. And everytime I try to spice things up or bring it up in coversation, im complaining too much, im too emotional.. And he just gets angry..

More often than not I wonder why I even bother trying anymore.. I worry about leaving him because I think that if I do I will miss him, or I wont have somewhere to live.. Or something like that.. But I just dont know how to fix it anymore.. Seriously I dont.

Any suggestions? Thoughts?

You're not alone in your efforts, there are many relationships that go through the same drama and a lot of people that wouldn't have put half the effort that you have. Because you have put in so much effort I would assume that you love him. What you really have to find out somehow is that if he loves you and if he's still willing to try to keep the relationship going. How exactly do you do that? I'm not all that sure. He's more than likely feeling that he's drowning. That he works all the time. Playing video games is probably a mindless way to get away from it all, unfortunately and fortunately, to keep distance between you too. He might feel that what he says is always wrong, that might be why he doesn't talk.

So, what do you do? It's hard to talk to someone who is stressed out with no time and drowning. Loving gestures and cutesy talk becomes scripted and annoying. Your situation is bad because you guys have opposing schedules. For months my girlfriend and I went through the same thing and we still are. We're both in college, we both work, and we both have a social life (to put it into perspective I haven't seen some of my best friends for a year).

You'll never have time. You'll never have time. There's always an excuse. This or that or that. So, you just have to make time. You have to spend time with each other. You have to show interest to show you care. Everyone goes through rough patches. If you're nagging about him always playing the video games and he's really into the games right now then sit down with him and play a few or just support him in that. It'll make all the difference even if unsaid.

If he's not having sex with you then sex isn't really going to solve it. That's really great that you're willing to do all those things but that's not where the solution lies. Odds are he's feeling a lot inside and doesn't want to come out with it. It lies in you guys fixing your problems, being supportive of each other, taking some time off.

Case and point, you both should take some time off from whatever you can as soon as you can to spend time with each other. Just know that it's not going to solve itself over night. My girlfriend and I went through the same thing and it's been five months in the making of getting better.

If you do happen to leave him, you will miss him. There is a reason that you two were together and that you stayed, you loved each other. That's special and unique to you both. But, staying with him just because you will miss him when he's gone isn't exactly the love story you or anyone wants. I'm sure there are a hundred reasons to stay with him; if there isn't, it might be time to prepare yourself for the worst and learn to live without him. [to be quite honest, it seems like you're a great person who really cares about him, so if he doesn't come around, then he doesn't or maybe he does know what he's missing]

Anyway, I hope that helps. I wish you all the best. And while you're waiting for things to get better, take interest in something for yourself. A hobby. Something to keep you busy and your mind off of this. Something to revitalize you. My girlfriend does photography now, she has a few great pictures (framed). You need to find your video games.

Hello there,

I would like to thank both of you for your responses. smile

So far nothing substantial has happened, or changed rather..

However, the other night, when I couldnt sleep and he was at work I wrote him a very long, emotional, and loving email, I explained how im sorry for pushing him so much and how I do love him so very much, I then waited for him to get around to reading it and he was very pleased. smile

Since he has been more lovey, kissy, and just outright sweet. We still hvent been able to make much time to spend together, but even seeing these small signs of optomistic behavior has really brightened my spirits.

I will make sure to update you when anything changes. smile