I hope you don't mind, but I did a quick redline
Regarding the breasts: I think your problem was that you were drawing the brests as if they were circular, which, most aren't. They are pulled down by gravity slightly, so they're never really circular. From the front, they're almost like an upside down heart, they have a certain slope to them. So, to summarize, you can't draw circles for breasts.
Regarding the shoulders: One of the problems I saw was that the neck is rather thin, which made the shoulders look wider than they really are. There's also supposed to be a bit of a slope which leads to the arm joint. If you feel your own neck and trace your fingers down to your arm, you'll feel that the neck slopes downward into the arm, rather than straight downward then straight out.
Another thing to consider is the size of the head. I know it's popular in anime to make the head bigger than it should be, but you have to take into consideration that the shoulders are more or less one heads width on each side. I know it would be hard to change the headsize as it is, but just keep that info as something to remember for the next time you draw.
Another thing you might want to start practicing is line weight variation when inking, which would give your picture more depth and pop.
Otherwise, she's very cute. I love that shy feeling about her.
Sorry if I came off as rude or mean, but it's my job to give critiques at my work, so I overdo it sometimes. I hope that helps, though.
wink 
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