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iamWanderlust626

Spirited Elder

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2009 9:01 am


My heart bled today.
You left me here,
alone and afraid.
My eyes cried today.
You've abandoned me,
and now
I am lost.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn.
All I keep seeing is your face
haunting me.
Your body frozen to still bliss,
and your eyes show hollow.
I'm screaming inside.
I want nothing more
than to simply
die.

What words can I say
that will bring you back to me?
What wishes can I wish
that will make it dissappear?
What dreams can I dream
that will make this all unreal?
How do I live
when my life
is gone?

I'm scared, sacred heart,
terrified.
I don't think I can survive.
My heart is shredded,
my soul is halved.
My spirit is shattered,
my sanity
insane.

This would be my end,
my love.
I want so much to be with you once more,
even if only in death.
However,
I know I cannot.

So I will suffer still,
haunted by the little peices of you
left behind.
I will watch those peices grow,
praying
every night
that Death return me to your side.



Copyright- beastintheshadows
PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 11:34 am


Wow.

Very deep, and good conveyance of emotions.

My spirit is shattered,
my sanity
insane.

I get what you're trying to do with these lines, but I think it could be done better. "My sanity insane" just doesn't read well.

However,
I know I cannot.


This doesn't seem strong enough when put in perspective of what you're trying to convey.

Spastic waffles
Captain


DKMiller

PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 9:53 pm


It was very deep and your emotions came across clearly but some parts just didn't seem to flow right(This line for example just didn't seem right: my sanity
insane).
Reply
Poetry and Lyricism

 
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