For single moms:Finances- If you're working, how much can you save up before you need to quit your job/go on maternity leave? How much will your income be reduced? Can you get government aid to help somehow?
- Are you going to have to pay for prenatal care during the pregnancy? If so, how much will it cost? Will you be able to get/have medical coverare during/after the baby is born? If not, where will you get the money to cover the necessary costs?
- How much will it cost for baby supplies, to prepare for the baby? Clothing, stroller, crib, toys, blankets, and other supplies? Go to a department store and talk to friends/family who've had babies and ask how much the necessities cost. Would getting some secondhand items help? Would family/friends be willing to help cover costs?
(By this I don't mean have them be your source of baby gear - I'm referring to baby showers, sharing used baby clothing and other supplies among friends, etc. If you're having a baby, YOU should be the primary source for the baby, not your family or friends. But it's fine to accept some help if you need it now and then.)- How much will post-birth supplies cost? Diapers? Formula and bottles if needed? Wipes? Baby food (later down the line)?
- How much money can you save up as an emergency fund, in case the baby has some medical complications, or if you have some health concerns?
- If you go back to work/school not long after having the baby, who will watch the baby and how will you pay for any necessary costs? If you choose to stay at home with the baby, how will you make ends meet?
- If you are not living at home and are renting, how will you come up with the money for rent? Groceries? Utilities and other bills? Car payments and maintenance if you have a vehicle? Will someone in your family (or roommates if you're living with other people) be able to help, or will you have to find that money yourself?
Support Systems- If you need outside help and support, do you have family members and/or friends who would be willing to step up and give you a hand? Are they supportive of you having a baby alone?
- Do you know what community resources (daycare/childcare, play centers, etc) are located in your town? If you have a hard time getting out alone, do you know how to reach them if you have questions or are having an emergency?
- Do you know of online resources you can use if you don't have many available if your town?
- Is the baby's father going to be around to help, or be a part of the baby's life? If not, are you going to get child support from him?
Impact on Life Plans- How will having a baby affect your job? Will you be able to go back once you are finished your maternity leave? If you quit, will you be able to find another job when your baby is a bit older?
- How will having a baby affect your education? Are you in post-secondary now, or was it an option you were considering for your near future? How will finances, daycare availability and time management impact any future post-secondary plans?
- If you have to rely on government aid, how will this impact your life? Will you be able to provide for your baby until you are able to work again?
Other- If you have a car, where will you come up with the money for gas? Maintenance and parts?
- If you don't have a car, how will you get around? Is public transit an option? Do you have someone who can help give you rides? If there's a medical emergency with you or your baby, how will you get to the hospital?
- If you're still in high school, will you have to drop out to have a baby? Are there resources/options in your school that will allow you to go back to school and continue with your education once you've had a baby? If you have to drop out, when would you be able to go back/get your GED?
For couples:Most of the questions that apply to single moms also apply to couples, so if you and your boyfriend are wanting a baby, be sure to read through those too! There are some different questions that couples have to address specifically though, such as:
- If the father is supportive of having a baby, what role will he play in the baby's life? Will he help his girlfriend during her pregnancy, and be supportive? (financial, emotional)
- Will he be helping to cover the costs associated with having a baby? Will he help cover the cost of baby supplies? What about medical costs (if applicable)?
- Will he help look after the baby so you can go to work/school? Will you be able to share the task of raising the baby so you both can go to work/school?
Support Systems- Are your families supportive of you two having a baby? Would they be willing to help out (financially, emotionally, etc) if needed?
- Would someone in your family/friend circles be available to help watch the baby on occasion if needed?
Impact on Future Plans- How will having a baby affect your future plans for the both of you to go to school/work?
- What happens if you the relationship fails and you two break up before/after the baby is born? How will this affect your options and decisions?
- Do you think you two will have another baby after this first one is born? Would you prefer to wait a few years until you had another? How would this impact your finances, options and decisions in life?
Other- How will having a baby impact your social lives? Are you prepared to make sacrifices and spend more time at home with the baby and each other?
- Do either you or your boyfriend have medical coverage for the baby? How will you cover the baby's medical costs if you don't have coverage? What will you do if the baby has a medical emergency?
What to do?Make a budget. Add up your living costs now, whether you're by yourself or with someone in a relationship. Go to a department store that sells baby supplies, talk to friends & family members with babies, and do your research. Find out how much baby supplies and other associated variables cost (medical care, food, etc) each month.
Once you're done your research, make another budget that includes the costs of having a baby. Do you have enough money to make ends meet? Will your partner be able to help you cover the costs? Once you are on maternity leave/quit your job, will one income be enough to cover all your required costs? If not, will government aid be needed, and if so, how much can you get and for what?
You're Telling Us Not to Have a Baby!Yes and no. I'm generally not overly supportive of teenage pregnancy, especially when it's intentional. And of course, everyone has the right to make their own choices. What I hope this sticky, and especially this post, will illustrate is the importance of waiting until you're older before having kids.
Are all teens bad moms? Of course not. Many teens are good mothers, especially when they have support from their family and friends. But most teens lack the resources and capabilities to fully provide for a child, even with help. Research has shown, both as cited in this sticky and available on the internet, that teenage moms are often prevented from reaching their full potential when they have kids really early and/or before they're ready.
And of course, in the end it all comes down to providing a healthy, comfortable life for the baby and for yourself. What kind of life is it where you're a mom but you're forever stressed about finances, relationship issues, or being a single parent? The goal is to not have a baby and scrape by - being a parent should happen when one or both parents can comfortably support a child, preferably without relying on government aid.
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