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 Posted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:44 pm
I found some jokes and riddles. (Note: I didn't make them up myself)
Your Mama So Fat
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
small objects orbit her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when I tell her to haul ***, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
her Uni graduation photo was an aerial
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
her fave food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellys.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
Anything Yo's - So Fat...
Yo Grannie so damn fat, that if she was an Aeroplane, she'd be a Jumbo Jet.
Yo Grandpa so fat that he's half Scottish, half Irish and half American
Yo Wife so fat she fell off a boat and the Captain yelled, "Land Ahoy!!!"
Yo Priest so fat, when he bungee jumped he went straight to hell...
Yo Doctor so fat, that when her Beeper goes off folk think she's backing up.
Yo Auntie so fat when she goes to Gap the only thing she can fit into is the Dressing Room
Yo Bookie so fat he gotta buy clothes by the furlon
Yo Dentist so fat that when he burped he blew out all yo mamma's teeth...that why she so ugly!
Yo Papa's so large when you climb on top of him your ears pop.
Yo Father so fat that when he sat on a Rainbow skittles fell out.
Yo Sister so fat that even Richard Simmons can't help laughing
Yo Sis so Monstrous she uses Soccer balls for earrings.
Yo Father so fat he can't even tie his own shoelaces
Yo Mama so huge that God created her...and on the seventh day rested.
Your Kid Sister so fat the Japanese Sumo Wrestling squad had to turn her down.
Yo Star Trek fan so fat he make Riker's beer belly look 2 atoms thick
Yo Lawyer's so fat...we're inside her right now.
Yo' Baker so freakin fat he masturbates when reading cookbooks
Yo Auntie so fat that Weight Watchers threw her out for breaking the scales.
Yo Boss so fat that when she calls a board meeting she has to pull herself up a Sofa.
Yo Air hostess so fat that on a scale of 1 to 10 she a 747.
Your boyfriend so fat he hasn't seen his feet for 10 years
Yo Bro so fat that when he farted, Mars came out...and I ain't talkin bout the 'sweetie'
You Nana so fat that when she went for a swim in the ocean she caused a 60 foot tidal wave.
Yo Music teacher so freakin Fat that she whistles Bass
Yo Postman so fat he got his very own Post Code
You cousin so fat she's on Both sides of the family.
Yo Girlfriend so fat I ask her to go get a Curry and she bring back 80 pounds of gravy.
Yo kid brother so fat he sat on 4 quarters and made a dollar.
Your Mom so fat she uses a bed mattress for a maxipad
Yo wife so fat she got more nooks and Crannies than a Ploughman's pastry
Yo Sister so fat she got a new job DJ'ing for the Ice Cream Van.
Yo Momma so fat all chairs in the house have their own seatbelts.
Yo Dog so fat that when you take it 'walkies' it don't know whether it walking or rolling
Your Mommas so fat, when it says All you can eat it still ain't enough.
Yo' Astronomer so fat she plays pool with Venus....and Neptune...and pluto...and.
And Some Racist Jokes!!
Well, first you wanna tell someone a good black joke,
then you're all like: "nah man you know im not rasict right? I own a colored TV."
or "I'm not rasict I had a few black friends, then my dad sold them."
Yeah, anyways I like these black jokes...
"why are all the black people so fast? the slow ones are in jail"
"did you hear about that black guy who went to college? niether did i..."
"why do black people hate county? because everytime they here ho-down they think someone shot their sister."
Now you people out there that are like omfg you soo mean... :[ well heres some white jokes.. just to even it out.
"how many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one, white men will screw anything."
"what's white and fourteen inches long? absolutely nothing!"
"why do so many white people get lost skiing? it's hard to find them in the snow."
"What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane? Snow."
"what's the difference between a white man and a snake? one is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake."
And remember:
Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Because you touch yourself at night.
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Posted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:09 pm
We have the WOLF by the ears and we can not keep him......
 Kuzoku
I love that last one about the snake rofl there arn't enough white jokes
anyway:
Yo mama so fat, when she jumped in the ocean the ocean jumped out and said "I'll wait my turn"
So this guy has the worst day of his life. He can't pay his bills, he gets fired, life just sucks. He gets home and there's a knock at the door. He opens the door and a vacuum salesman is standing in the doorway and says, "Hello sir! I'm here to sell you the worlds best vacuum. It will clean anything!" They guy says, "I've been having a horrible day. Please just leave me alone" and starts to close the door bu the salesman puts his foot in the door and says "Before you say no, let me demonstrate this vacuum." and before the guy can say anything, the salesman pours a large sack of horse s**t all over the guys floor and says "This vacuum will clean your floor like new, and if it doesnt, I will eat whatever horse s**t is left" and the guy smiled and said "I hope your hungry. PG&E turned off my power this morning"
So this woman was with her boyfriend and said she was a virgin. The boyfriend asked why when she had so many boyfriends before. The woman said "Well my first boyfriend was a philosopher and he just thought about it. My next boyfriend was a mathmatician and wasnt sure how to approach the problem. My next boyfriend was a salesman and just talked about it. After that my boyfriend was an inspector, but all he did was look at it. but your a lawyer! Now I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
nor can we safely let him go... -Thomas Jefferson, Missouri Compromise.
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Fenris The Wolf Master Captain
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Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 1:19 pm
lol sucks for the salesman
Here's a riddle-
A woman shoots her husband in the face,
then she holds him under water for 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 10 minutes later, they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner. How is this possible?
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Posted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:12 pm
uhh..
A) She's enjoying dinner with a dead guy
or
B) Her "husband" is an inanimate object of some sort
or
C) she didin't shoot him with a gun, his head wasn't under water, and he wasn't hung by his neck
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Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 3:11 pm
Nope! She's a photography!
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Posted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 2:02 pm
Ohhhhhhhhh....
well I was way off
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Fenris The Wolf Master Captain
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 10:43 pm
(say the stuff in quotes out loud if you dont get it)
So a husband and wife are doing yard work. The wife decides to go take a shower. The husband reaches for the rake and realizes that he can't find it. He yells up to his wife, asking for the rake, and she motions indicating that she can't hear him. The man points at his eye, hits his knee, and makes raking motions, trying to communicate "Eye, knee-d a rake". In response the wife points to her eye, grabs her left breast, slaps her bottom, and grabs her crotch. The man, confused, runs up to find out what that meant. The wife explains that she was trying to say "Eye left-tit behind the bush".
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 6:47 pm
There were a lizard, a hamster, and an armadillo, who were best friends. They took turns making dinner. However, there are seven days in a week, so they play rock, paper, scissors to decide who cooks the dinner on the seventh day. One day, the armadillo lost and decided to make a Tuna and Pasta dish. However, there was no tuna. So, he made it without the tuna. When he came out, his friends ask what they are having. Then, he replied, "Tuna Surprise. The surprise is that there is not tuna."
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 1:45 am
A customer calls the waiter:
-Taste the soup.
-Why? Is too hot?
-Taste the soup!
-Why? Is too cold?
-Taste the soup!!
-It has a fly?
-Taste the soup!!!
-Ok mister... but where's the spoon?
-Aha!
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 6:18 am
I'm good at oxymorons,
Pistol sniper
Anorexic glutton
Understandable DBZ episode
Well acted power ranger episode
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