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 Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 9:36 am
((Oh... wow... thanks! I wasn't expecting to get such a good grading! I'm sorry about the lenght... I didn't know that I would end up being this long. Since I've never written a mission before, I figured I ought the take a short one, but then it just got out of hand. I'm really sorry about that. >.< I'm sorry about the pacing, especially towards the end... at one in the morning with the mission due the day before it got sort of.... not so good. Also, I know my writing isn't that good (if I didn't have spell check, you probably wouldn't be able to understand what I was saying..... >.>) but I'll keep working to make it better! Thank you very much for your feedback~!))
Connery stuffed his notebook into his bag, turning from the team to make his way back home. He had everything he needed for his presentation, the one he'd been so exited about, but it somehow didn't seem important any more. After what he'd seen in the ruins, he couldn't just go back to his normal life. Maybe it was better if he didn't try? He'd just been about to reverse his action and return to the team when he spotted something coming from the direction of the ruins. He couldn't quite tell, but it sounded as the thing was singing, a hollow tune he couldn't quite place... "A flygon!" he realized suddenly. Sure enough, as the object drew near enough so that the wavy blurs of heat no longer concealed it, it became clear it was indeed said pokemon. Crimson none the less.
It did not take long for the Crimson to reach the small party. Her wings could carry her much faster than they could ever hope to move. This was all well and good; if she hadn't moved fast enough, she would have been dead by now. They vibrava that the seviper had knocked out had not stayed as such for long. As soon as it had woken, it had given her one word, 'run,' and flown off. She knew exactly what it would mean for her to stay there, but even so it had be difficult to drag herself away from Cyan. Even more difficult knowing that her only other option was to go and beg the ones who had helped caused his death to let her come with them. There was no way to survive on your own in this place, and more chance that another clan would kill her sooner than let her join. She'd almost rather stay with him and die there. Almost. The only though that dragged her away was that he'd given his life to save her and she wasn't about to let that all go to waste. Thus she found herself landing before the absol and seviper in a cloud of sand created by her wings. Swallowing her pride, she touched the desert moonstone that hung around her neck and forced herself to speak, "Please, allow me to join your team. I have nowhere else to go." She wasn't sure had been successful in keeping all the blatant loathing from her voice. "Me too," Connery put in, "I don't think I can go back after this."
Aloura looked from one pokemon to the other, and then up at Lavicus. Connery she would accept without question, even if Lavicus said other wise. Crimson, however, she was not sure about. And herself being the one who was trusted more easily, she was sure that Lavicus would have even more qualms than she. To her surprise, however, the huge serpent nodded. To both of them. His reasoning, however, he kept to himself. After taking a moment to stare wonderingly at her team member, she turned to their two new additions. "You are welcomed into our team," she said, attempting a smile that did not reach her eyes. Both of them murmured their thanks. Then, with Lavicus's prompting, they headed off back to the guild, the dampening silence from before falling over the group. Nothing would ever be the same for them, and that was the only certain thing about this new team.
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:03 pm
Client: Jynx
Mission:
"∞XO@#*~♪...!!O@#*~!...!!!!!!~!" (You get the feeling the client is in trouble)
Dungeon: Desert Ruins
Floors: Search all 15 floors for the client!
Rewards: ??? + ???
Team Rohan to the rescue~~
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Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:08 pm
  Aries & RinAries lay in bed at the Guild, eagerness and excitement surging through his veins. Outside he could see the moon shining brightly, and to his left, Rin lay silently. How could she be sleeping? he asked himself, turning and looking back out the window. The pair hadn't embarked on a single mission yet, but Aries knew they were ready. Wondering if it was too late to check out the Main Board, the Penguin Pokemon simply shrugged and laid back. He would go in the morning.
Sun in his eyes, Aries slowly blinked into consciousness, looking around the room drowsily. Rin was no where to be found, causing her partner to wake up rather quickly, worry flooding in. What if she had left him here alone? What if she couldn't handle the pressure? Keep your cool, Aries. He told himself, making his way toward the door to search the hallways. To his relief the Slugma reentered just then, holding a piece of paper by a string in her mouth.
”Sorry if I burnt it around the edges, I just couldn't wait any longer Aries.” Rin explained, allowing the Piplup to take it from her. Excitement lit his eyes up as he nodded, smiling slightly. ”Perfect.” he said simply, reading it over multiple times. This was there chance to get started; it wasn't too long of a mission, but not too short. Perfection. But wait—what did the writing even say? Maybe it wasn't going to be so easy..
~~~
The Piplup and Slugma arrived at Desert Ruins early in the afternoon, both with intense looks upon their faces. It was blazing hot outside, but lucky for them, they would have to go within the Ruins in their search. ”We're going to have to search high and low for this Jynx, I wouldn't know where to find her. You can't read in, uh, Jynx, can you Rin?” Aries asked rather dimly, a tilt of the head showing he was serious. She simply chuckled, shaking her head. ”Nope. So let's get going!” she said, now racing ahead of Aries and into this opening which served as an entrance, her leader quick to follow.
A few moments later the running died down to a walk as the Exploration Team began searching everywhere they could. It was surprisingly cool inside as there was no hot sun to heat the sand. It felt like they were in the middle of a pyramid; sand was everywhere, and the place fit the name nicely. There were fallen pillars in each direction, but that seemed to be it. What else would be down there? Aries thought to himself, peaking around another cylindrical pillar. Neither of the two expected her to be so easy to find, so when they didn't find her quickly, it wasn't a pain. Rin, however, was going to be careful not to pass her. In the corner of the room was a mound of debris. She scooted over and climbed it with ease, leaving a small red trail as she did so. There was space behind it to hide...SNAP!
Rin was sent soaring backward, a grunt of pain alerting her partner who rushed to her side. Enemies already? he thought to himself, looking at the source. At that moment a Vibrava and a Trapinch climbed out of their shelter to attack the two. Rin gathered her wits and got in a battle position, Aries doing the same. He charged forward and leaped up, coming down on the Trapinch with a Pound, sending its jaw into the ground. Rin made sure the Vibrava wouldn't lay a cheapshot on her partner and used Ember. The Vibrava tried dodging the attack by flying upward, but was too late, taking a flame straight to the face. Aries recovered to his position next to Rin, but the Trapinch followed him with a Bite, his “teeth” beginning to glow as he charged forward. In an attempt to counter, Aries widened his beak and squealed, releasing a jet of bubbles straight into the enemies mouth and down his throat. The Trapinch suddenly stopped moving and tried coughing up the bubbles, which were now building up within him. Aries, curious, tilted his head as he watched. The screams of pain let him know that they were popping within him, guilt causing a lump in the Penguin Pokemon's throat. ”I'm sorry.” he muttered, looking away as if he were ashamed. ”Aries watch out!” called Rin, who had the Vibrava flying toward her. His pal, the Trapinch, had taken the opportunity to strike and bit down on Aries' arm,causing him to yank it away. Blood was flowing out of the wound freely, but it would heal. Figuring this would finish the thing off, Aries summoned rain above the Trapinch, using Brine to defeat it. The pounding water on its head sent the Trapinch running for cover in the corner, leaving the rest of the battle to Vibrava. A jet of Dragonbreath flew at Rin, who wasn't quick enough to dodge the attack. Engulfed for only a moment, the Slugma prepared a Flamethrower attack at the ceiling above the Vibrava. Knowing that it would free some of the rocks, a jet of fire was launched at the ceiling. A grin on Rin's face showed it was working, as a rumbling of the ground forewarned them to back up. The Piplup and Slugma began fleeing the falling debris, but the Vibrava didn't see it coming. How is it still there? Aries cooed to himself, observing the chain attack. Rock and debris buried the Vibrava, telling them it was defeated. As they began walking away, the sound of moving stone caused Rin to turn and look back. The Vibrava was slinking off to the corner with its friend the Trapinch.
”I think it's time to move on.”
With the beginning of the mission and their first fight behind them, Team Rohan was feeling pretty confident. If they could defeat a Trapinch and a Vibrava with such ease, they could defeat anything as long as they used teamwork. Even Aries looked rather cheerful, which wasn't something common.
”Where could a Jynx even be hidden? I mean, it's just tunnels from here on out..” she pointed out, looking left, then right, then straight ahead. ”More importantly, which way are we even supposed to go?” added the Slugma, directing her attention to Aries.
”Left.” he said simply, now taking the lead. They made their way down the hallway quickly, only to find that at the end was a dead-end room. Feeling as if going straight wouldn't have been right at the intersection, he led the team all the way down the the other end, which also ended. Frustration caused him to smack himself in the forehead, now walking back behind Rin in the right direction. ”Finally!” she said, making her way down the hallway and into a larger room.
”Might as well get to looking in here.. she said hopelessly, a sighing escaping her lips as she made her way off. The pair looked around the room for just a few minutes, but Jynx was not there. In fact, there wasn't a single Pokemon in the room. It was completely empty of any life. ”C'mon, let's move on, Rin.” Aries said simply, beginning to walk toward the door. The exit was, in fact, rather narrow. Only one Pokemon would be able to leave at a time, which was odd. The other hallways were much wider. With a simple shrug Aries walked toward it, but the ground gave out. A booby trap!
”Aries!” came Rin's familiar cry from far above him, her bright yellow eyes peering down into the whole. From his perspective, it was even colder and darker down here. The lighting was minimal and the sounds around him freaked him out. Surprisingly enough, the fall didn't hurt him. He took a glance at the ground to find that sand had given way for his landing. And it still was. ”QUICK SAND!” he shouted, his nerves taking over. Something in his mind told him not to struggle, but he couldn't help but try to wriggle his way out of the sinking sand. Before he could even call for Rin his head was under. But somehow his feet were free again. A moment later Aries knew he was free falling again, this time landing with a harsh thud. ”Ugh...”
Before doing anything else, he began glancing around in a panic. ”Rin? RIN!” he screamed, he nerves building up once more. ”Wha--? Who are you?” he said, looking at a Drowzee who stood at the exit of the room, which was very similar to the ones above him. He seemed to be in the dungeons of the temple, being so far to the bottom. ”I am Eraqus, I need you to come with me.” the stranger said simply, offering a hand to the Piplup. ”I'm not going anywhere!” he stated, hopping back and preparing for a battle. Before anymore words could be spoken, Eraqus used Psychic as an attempt to hurt Aries from the inside. He could feel his temples pounding, his brain felt like it was on fire....But it wasn't real. It couldn't have been. The Penguin Pokemon broke free of the attack and quickly used Drill Peck, running at Eraqus with a brightened beak. The attack was a complete success, but Eraqus wasn't downed for long. He retaliated with a Zen Headbutt, which launched Aries across the room. The Piplup skidded along the floor and tumbled into the wall, letting out a small moan. This Drowzee is tough.. he told himself, now staggering to his feet. Rin would sure be helpful to him now, but they were separated, and she probably thought Aries was dead. A bitter thought entered his head telling him he would be dead soon, but Eraqus didn't seem to want to kill him. He wanted to take him somewhere...but where? And what would happen then?
 --Eraqus
I just won't let him beat me is all.
New strength found within him, Aries used Bubblebeam. It was probably his favorite attack on his arsenal, as it was usually pretty failproof. Usually. The Drowzee had used Protect and guarded himself from damage, rendering the attack useless. Damn. Where's Rin? he asked himself, now beginning to lose hope once again. His emotions were fluctuating, and he was getting tired...Very tired indeed.
Before falling into a deep slumber, he made out another five or six Drowzees standing behind Eraqus, each of them using Hypnosis. But that was all he remembered...
(Now we're going to switch to Rin's point of view.)
What am I going to do? she asked herself, pacing along the sandy surface. She wanted to dive in after him more than anything, but if he had been eaten up by the quicksand, she would too. Then who would help Jynx? But he was Aries, he's my best friend. If he was gone, I don't know what I would do with myself. Maybe he got out of the death trap, maybe he was waiting for me to jump down so he could get me out. But how could he do that? I'd burn him...Maybe he doesn't want me to jump, he wants me to live. I don't know!
Then there was the thud. A loud thud coming from below her. He's okay! With that the Slugma launched herself into the hole and down into the quicksand. But there was no Aries. And she wasn't sinking. Rin simply slugged off of the sinking area as if it were the regular sand, leaving her rather devastated. How am I to reach him now? she thought rather desperately, a frown surging across her face. Then she heard the weird sounds, seemingly of joy. ”@*$#&*(%$()@@@!” came the random noises. Rin turned her head toward the door, which was clearly the source, and went walking on through. Maybe it was Jynx, and maybe Aries was saving her! Rin thought hopefully, moving quicker as she thought of that. It was rather far-fetched, but still...
 Aurelia the Jynx
On the other end was an enormous room with a skylight directly over Jynx. The thing was, however, she was tied up like a hostage. That meant there had to be an enemy in the room somewhere. Someone had to have tied her up, right? And at that moment, yellow eyes opened around her in all directions, and she let out a scared whimper.
(Back to Aries)
A soft and hypnotizing chant awoke the sleeping Piplup, who lay in the middle of a circular room. His feet and wings were tied to the ground, and his head was rested on a small mound of sand. ”Where --- Where am I?” he asked, looking at the Drowzees around him. They had made some kind of circle around him, and were still chanting in unison. Eraqus stood in the corner of the room, a rather sad look upon his face. It was clear that he didn't want Aries to come to any harm, he just wasn't that kind of Pokemon. ”You are in the base of Desert Ruins, a place we like to call Hypnovia. Our Tribe has been living down here for centuries, you see. And right now, you are being prepared as a sacrifice to the Great Hypno.” he explained, swallowing hard as soon as he finished. Fear struck Aries right in the heart as he immediately began to struggle for freedom. It seemed as though he was doomed.
(Back to Rin)
As Rin looked around, Cacnea surrounded her. There had to have been six or seven in a semi circle, all of them looking at the Slugma with menace. Out of pure desperation, she began to move as quickly as she could in the direction of Jynx. If she could free her, maybe the Human Shape Pokemon could help her fight. All of the Cacnea simply waddled after her, hoping to trap the two Pokemon in the corner and finish them off together. ”!&*((^%$#%^&*%*$(!” shouted Jynx, something Rin figured to be a form of thanks. I haven't freed you yet. thought the Lava Pokemon, trying to swiftly decide what to do. Coming to a quick and easy solution, Rin looked at the Jynx apologetically. She used Ember in hopes of destroying the vines that kept Jynx at bay, praying it wouldn't burn Jynx. Luckily enough, the attack went exceptionally, and The Ice-Type was let without a single burn.
The Jynx, now extremely pissed off, began ranting randomly. ”#$%^&*$&#@&*$!!!!!” she shouted, ready to deal some revenge to the Cacnea Clan. Powder Snow was the first move she chose, summoning the flakes from out of nowhere. She made sure to keep Rin out of the fray and charged into the snow, which was whipping the stupid Cacnea around. They were all pretty weak, and kind of pathetic, since they had absolutely no clue what they were doing. The Human Shape Pokemon used Ice Punch on her first target, sending it soaring into the air, freezing as it was launched away. The ice surrounding it broke as he hit the ground, and it had fainted on contact. The Powder Snow attack had died down quickly, leaving Rin with a chance to attack. Still staying where she was, the Slugma chose an enemy that was far away from Jynx. She was aware of the advantage she had over Ice-type Pokemon, so hitting Jynx would really hurt, possibly defeat her ally. Unleashing a Flamethrower, Rin watched as it easily finished off another Cacnea. During her attack, Jynx had already finished another two off, leaving only two more. ”!%#@&$!#@$!!!” called the Jynx to Rin, probably saying for the Lava Pokemon to leave the rest to her. A more powerful attack, Psychic, was unleashed on the first of the two, who fainted in just a few seconds of the attack. The one that was left ran off into the corner, masked in darkness, and reappeared a few moments later. Behind it, a Cacturne.
 Cacturne
Rin stepped forward to stand beside Jynx, who clearly recognized the Scarecrow Pokemon.
”Good work, you two. I didn't expect my minions to last me very long, but I'm not going to let you leave. The thing is, there is a myth. Somewhere in this temple there are a band of Drowzees, called the Tribe of Swirling Eyes. They apparently, have a connection with a god, and need sacrifices. I thought 'Hey, why don't I help out, that way I can get in with the Tribe and rule the Desert Ruins.' Well, I plan on doing just that. When I saw Jynx fall into the booby trap set by yours truly, I saved her from the quicksand so many have fallen victim to. Then I knocked her out and tied her up.” he explained deviously, looking into the eyes of two very angry Pokemon. Jynx looked as if she was going to explode, and Rin was so focused on stopping him that she was hardly hearing what he was saying. ”I figured she would send for help from and Exploration Team, and that they would wind up here somehow. Then, I would have another sacrifice. And I would let the number continue to build. And build. And build.” he said, progressively getting louder. By the end of the lecture, he was already preparing to attack.
Before she could even move, the Scarecrow Pokemon unleashed a Pin Missile attack directly at Rin. Jynx took matters into her own hands and stepped in front of the Slugma, holding her hands out in front of her and conjuring a wall. The pins dug into the Light Screen and simply faded away into nothing. Rin moved out from behind Jynx and used Flamethrower again, her sights set on the Cacnea standing next to him. Too stupid to react, it was blasted into the wall behind it and laid there limp, leaving Cacturned as the only remaining enemy. ”Be careful Jynx!” she told her client, who was obviously going to be aggressive. Seemingly unable to understand her, Jynx launched herself at Cacturne and allowed her fist to glow in a blue light. She used Ice Punch on the enemy and knocked him right on his a**, but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he was laughing at that point. The Pokemon rose to his feet and took a step toward Jynx, who was glaring at him. In a flash he socked her right in the lip with a Sucker Punch, causing her to fall back and roll right up next to Rin. ”Jynx! Are you okay?” she asked, now looking at the Human Shape Pokemon. After a moment's hesitation, Jynx staggered to her feet. ”Cacturne, you'll pay!” Rin yelled, moving forward. Anger welled up inside her as she prepared a Lava Plume. The enemy simply chuckled at her, unaware of her attack coming on. Before he knew it, magma was launched at him and he burnt all over, the searing heat of the lava causing him to scream for dear mercy. To make sure he was going to be down for good, the Slugma used AncientPower. Enormous chunks of rock rose from the ground, each enveloped in a silvery glow. They were sent flying at Cacturne, who was now rolling on the ground in pain. The rocks stacked up on him like they did to the Vibrava. Except this time, they did not move. Not even one bit.
”You're free. Rin told the Human Shape Pokemon, who was smiling at her gratefully. Rin however, wasn't even happy that she had completed her first mission. Doing it alone didn't compare to doing it with Aries, whom she had assumed was gone forever. ”Actually, can you do me the biggest favor in the world? Would you mind investigating this place a bit longer with me? You see, I came here with my partner, Aries, but he was lost in the quicksand. I really need to find him, and I could use your help. Heck, you probably don't understand a word I'm saying.” Rin finished, her voice trailing off as her gaze fell to the ground. To her surprise, the Jynx smiled and began walking away. ”Come.” she said in an understandable dialect. Hope filtered into Rin's heart as she followed Jynx out of the room and toward the quicksand. ”The quicksand takes you to another room, somewhere below here. I pretended as if it led to nowhere so Cacturne wouldn't investigate it, but I could feel my legs stick out as he pulled me back up. Thank you, thank you very much for your help.” she finished, smiling at Rin. ”but how do I go down? I wouldn't sink last time...
”No problem, its what I do. Now I'm going down there, so I suppose I'll see you in a bit? Maybe? If I don't come out, you should go for help. There was some kind of staircase going up in the corner of that room in there, you can use that.” Rin explained, grinning at Jynx in return. ”I'm going with you. And please, my name is Aurelia. Call me that.” she explained, hopping into the quicksand. Rin slugged in as well, this time trying to push down in the hopes of sinking. It was a kind of ironic situation, since when did any one want to sink in quicksand? Luckily enough, it was working.
The pair had fallen through to the floor below just as Aurelia had promised, giving Rin more hope. He's definitely down here.. she told herself, smiling. In the room up ahead they could here a chant going on of some sort, and by the sound of it, there were multiple Pokemon. ”Be ready to fight.” she warned Aurelia, who simply nodded. They made there way into the room quietly and unspotted.
(Back to Aries' point of view, but they are together now)
Out of the corner of his eye he spotted Rin and a Jynx, presumably the one they were supposed to find. A smile fell upon his face but Aurelia signaled him to stay quiet. Careful to listen, he gave the slightest of nods. He looked over at Eraqus once more, who had also spotted them. Aries shot him the most sympathetic of looks and the Drowzee only looked at him, nothing more. Rin was moving along the wall, looking at all of the Drowzees sitting around him and meditating? Whatever they were doing, she didn't seem to like it. By her count there were only five, so the fight wasn't going to be easy. Her and Aurelia exchanged a few words, taking a glance around the circular room. They were planning, apparently, which comforted Aries. They must be strategising, which means I'll be freed in no time. he told himself, and not a moment too soon.
On he wall opposite the pair a ball of fire hit, bursting it into flames. Every single Drowzee stopped what it was doing and looked over at the wall, giving Aurelia her chance. The Jynx leaped into the middle of the circle and untied Aries, who gave her a quick nod in thanks and rejoined Rin. ”Dear Lord, thank you!” he said sincerely, smiling brightly at his incredible partner. She simply grinned at him, his safety being her only concern. ”Now we have to stop them!” he said, preparing for his third battle. The five of them turned around and looked at Aries, Rin, and Aurelia very angrily. ”Get them!” one called.
The first of the five launched itself forward with a Zen Headbutt, his aim directed at Aurelia. The Jynx swiftly dodged out of the way, letting the Drowzee make a run into the wall. Rin turned her sights at the attacker and used Flamethrower, a jet of flames blasting it in the butt. Quicker than seemingly possible it ran back to the rest of them, rubbing both its head and butt, which was burning.
Aries leapt forward at the first Drowzee he could come across and used Pound, his brightened fist launching the Hypnosis Pokemon into another, causing them both to tumble over. The fourth Drowzee, clearly the strongest, used Psychic on Rin. The Slugma was unable to break free of the attack, which was being held over her for extensive period. Now writhing in pain, Rin was rescued by Aries, who used Bubblebeam to break the Drowzee's focus and do damage to him. The one with the burn on his backside wound up to used Pound, charging toward them once again. This is a familiar little scene.. Aries thought to himself, taking matters into his own hands. He unleashed a nasty Fury Attack, pecking Drowzee continually. At the end of the attack the Drowzee lay on the floor unconscious, blood seeping out of his stomach from the gashes. ”Nice work Aries! called Rin, who was trying to recover from the deadly Psychic attack. I'm on a roll! he told himself, getting ready to serve up another attack.
Taking aim at the Drowzee that had been knocked over, the Piplup used Brine. If he was almost done for, this would do the trick. Rain poured from the ceiling, landing on both of the Drowzees who were lying on the ground. Each raindrop was like a bullet tearing through its skin, and with so many bullets, there was so little time. By the end of the barrage the Drowzee was unconscious, but the one under it had managed to survive. Barely. It was nearly impossible for him to move the Hypnosis Pokemon from on top of him, let alone get to his feet. Aurelia decided to finish him off with an Ice Punch, which definitely did him good. Only two more Drowzees remained, with the exception of Eraqus, who was refusing to fight.
”I'll finish them both.” said Rin in a confident tone, who was getting ready to use another Lava Plume. Lava was launched in all directions, hitting both Drowzees with of any shock to her. Aries and Aurelia had narrowly avoided the attack, but they were able to watch as the two dropped like flies. And just like that, the fight was over. They had won.
”Great work guys! Aries said brightly, smiling at the two of them. He was surprised that the client had agreed to help team Rowan. He was even more surprised that she was so good. And the thing that surprised him most was that she could speak in an understandable language. That was definitely the most surprising.
His attention was turned to Eraqus, who was looking over the bodies of his Tribal Members, all of his family. Sadness didn't seem to be expressed on his face, but confusion. ”Thank you, Eraqus. Aries added before walking out of the room, Rin and Aurelia behind him. It was a successful mission. Their first mission was very successful. With a few bumps along the way, of course. And with that, they made their way out of the Desert Ruins.
[[Inventory used: Two Apples and an Oran Berry.]]
Inventory Left:
x2 Oran Berries
x1 Apple
x1 Big Apple
(Feel free to be critical, really. This was my first mission so I want to be better)
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 7:31 pm
 ~Jack
Open arrival back at the guild the newly formed team would come to find a simplistic pouch set upon the doorstep of their team room with a note attached that read the following:
"Congratulations, after hearing of your success from Aurelia, who incidentally should still be wandering around the guild's compounds and awaiting for return, having requested a spot on your team, please take this included monetary reward of 1500PD for your hard day's work. Also a Trapinch and a Drowzee had arrived recently and are both asking for your team. Since you seem to be so popular feel free to take on two recruits from this mission if you would like. Times are hard and we could always use new members."
((In summary you have your choice of two out of Aurelia, one of the many Drowzees, or the Trapinch faught+1500PD. As far as commentary goes I have to give you the sincerest kudos on your first mission. In length it was more than acceptable, even when spacing was removed, and as far as plot went you worked with what you had. I have a feeling though if you stick around here long enough you'll be able to spin wild stories out of the most simple prompts soon enough. You seem to be much more apt at writing battle sequences than putting together chronological happenings appropriately. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, just something I felt needed to be pointed out. Perhaps your transitions could be tweaked on that note rather than breaks from the text instructing the readers what to do next. If you find yourself working on longer missions it may even be an idea to separate events into chapters of sorts with the purpose in mind to keep things more formal. Errr, that's all I really have to give, sorry if my critique is lacking. I can't really help it though if you already have yourself off to a fine start I suppose ^_^;.))
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:12 am
(Well thanks! I felt like I was having trouble keeping the plot in line, so thank you for letting me know. I like the forum and I do plan on staying for at least a little while, I'll promise you that.)
At the end a long, tiring day, Aries and Rin returned to their team room for some much needed rest. On the step of the room was a simple pouch and a note attached to it. The Piplup set the note in front of the two of them and moved the money out of the way. After reading it rather briefly, the two of them looked at each other happily We have money! And more teammates! Aries thought to himself, grinning. The only problem was...who would they deny? Instead of just waiting outside their door, Team Rowan entered the room to find three Pokemon. Now taking a closer look, the Drowzee had in fact been Eraqus, the guy who helped Aries when he was doomed. It had been clear to him that Rin wanted Aurelia on the team, and she knew the Drowzee had helped them. With a quick glance at each other, they nodded and looked back at the potential teammates.
"The two we choose are Aurelia and Eraqus. he said rather simply, smiling as they stepped forward. "Sorry Trapinch, maybe next time." Rin said softly as she gestured for it to leave. Not seeming to care, the Trapinch left the room quietly, leaving the four of them together. "Welcome to the team!" said Aries rather excitedly. "Thank you for helping me, I won't let you down. I'm much stronger than I look. said Aurelia before she smooched Aries on the cheek. It must be something they do.. he thought, a bit grossed out. Eraqus interrupted his thoughts as he spoke. "I decided to leave the other Hypnovians down there. what they are doing is wrong. I'll do my best to serve you well." And with that, their first mission was over and they were well on their way to becoming an exceptional Exploration Team.
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