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 Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:03 am
My bf have been dating for about a yr on and off. We have a child together and we are trying to work things out in our relationship. I really never asked for advice b4 on here. My bf and I get into arguments over the stupidest things like if asks me to do something for him and I have an attitude with him about it because I'm either doing something or trying to take care of our son. I have like an attitude with him like more than once a day. I know that I have an attitude problem and I need to fix it I just don't know how to because I've always been like this. I want to stay with him for our son. We both agree upon that we don't want him to ask us why mommy and daddy are not together anymore. So may say that's life but its not the life I want for my son. My father was never there for my brother and myself so that's why I don't want to go down that road like my mom did with my father. I love my bf so dearly but there are some things that I wish he would do like show love and affection towards me. He says that he don't do that because he really don't like getting all mushy and junk. At times I can hanle it but others I really can't because I want that so bad in our relationship. Then there is the whole porn on the internet he looks at like all the time. When he does this I feel like I'm so ugly that he just wants to isolate me from his life. Really I think about being one of them and I've told him this. I want to be like them just so that he would look at me more often. I know that I'm stupid for saying that but I'm sorry that is how I feel about the idea. There are other things he upsets me about like keeping all his childhood toys for our son when he gets old...btw my bf has ADD/ADHD and he has asperger syndrome. I really don't understand these because I never dated anyone like him. I asked him if I sould learn more about what he as...may be that would help to understand what its like to be him.
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Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:23 am
Is there anywhere you can get couples conselling? Like through a church or something? The great thing is, you both want to stay together and work on your relationship.
The attitude problem sounds like a communication thing. My parents went through conselling, and they would learn to control their voices around each other, so if my mom was all stressed out from working all day and taking care of the kids, and my dad asked her to hand him something, instead of going ballastic on him about why he didn't get off his butt and get it himself, she learned to just ask nicely, "I'm busy with something at the moment. Could you please get it?" It seemed to help them avoid arguments.
As for the porn thing, different relationships seem to have different tolerance levels about it. Some couples don't like porn at all and have a no-tolerance policy. My own personal view is a little porn is okay, unless it's taking the place of your own time together or negatively affecting your relationship (and it sounds like it is). Is it something he looks at all the time? Like he's chosing to look at porn instead of spending time with you? Then I'd be worried about him having an addiction to it.
And if he has Aspergers... I don't know. Now that I think about it, I'm wondering if his Asperger's may have something to do with his porn use. Seems like I read an artical about it a long time ago. If I recall, it was something about it being easier for people with Asperger's to like porn because of the lack of human contact. So that he enjoys porn so much is definitely not because he thinks you're ugly or that he's trying to push you away. It's just easier for him.
Learning more about what it's like to be him is a really good idea! It might help you to look up things online about Asperger's and ADD/ADHD, or check out some library books. You'll probably notice a lot of the traits and how you've noticed them in your bf before, like the lack of affection or empathy. Hopefully, it will help you understand some of the things he does, and maybe give tips on how to impove your relationship with him.
I hope I was a little helpful, and I wish you luck with your family!
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Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 9:44 am
Thank you so much. I just need some words of wisdom and hopefully it will work out with him and I.
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