Welcome to Gaia! ::

Hi, ok I need a critique. Oh, I might be adding these often to this page, and I want these really darn good. I'm working on every odd numbered chapter while Ferret_Luver_Girl (My Best Friend in real life) Is working on the even numbered ones. We're heading to the ultimate goal of publishing so we need it to be awesome. Ok, here it goes.

Chapter 1

My heart raced as I flew over the mountains, the icy surface below me sparkled blue. The midday sky blended with the less bony parts of my wing as I cut through the air. I watched a humongous grizzly bear out of the corner of my eye. More than enough food for one sitting I thought. I licked my scaly lips with my rough, catlike tongue. Then, I took a sharp turn to my right and fell into a full dive at the bear. Air rushed past my sides. The brown-colored bear popped out against the white ground below. I grabbed it in my talons and felt my claws dig into its fur. Shiny, gooey red blood oozed onto my scales. It clubbed at my belly with its claws. I clawed at it with my hind legs, and then I dropped it, flew under it, and then grabbed it by the neck. I saw scarlet blotches on the alpine tundra below. Another prey killed and ready to be eaten. I landed, ate until I was nicely full, and my black belly scales bulged and involuntarily ruffled. Then I flew the rest back for the hatchlings.

I gave the rest to the playing hatchings, whose wings weren’t fully grown in yet. The only one who could fly was Csne (SIS-nay), a Norwegian Wyvern. He looked like a bright green snake with white feathery wings and a single claw on his chest. “Back already Suhlora?” my brother, Welnoxin called from the middle of the cave. He was from a dark forest green on his chest to a neon green on his wings. My name is Suhlora, and I am a Veridian dragon. I am a deep black although on my wings it turns to aqua blue. I have two straight horns on my head, a membrane from my chin to the bottom of my neck, scales, Long, sharp silver scales along my spine, a club at the bottom of my tail with scales that look (and feel) like small daggers and hooks at the end of my abnormally large wings. Welnoxin looks the same, yet his colors are whites and silvers. Plus, his club (like any male Veridian dragons’) has no tail spikes. “Yes Welnoxin” I replied. We live in the Vetalvald clan, one of the clans in the Dragonspine Mountains. In the cave there are many alcoves, some natural, some scratched out by claws. One of the alcoves (The third one to the right) is mine, it has my mother’s dried holly opening, and the walls were covered in draconic runes. In the back there was a small fire, and a Lichen nest. The hatchling’s alcove is humongous with a bed, toys, and draconic bedtime stories on the walls. Each alcove tells a story, weather one of family, one of leadership, one of the healers, or one of the hatchlings. Whenever we get food, we give the extras to the hatchlings, the healer, or store it for hibernating season. In a clan, we take care of ourselves, but then we take care of the weak, the wounded, or the young. Dragons stay strong all their life, so we don’t have to worry about the old. We share and protect the borders, while protecting ourselves at the same time. Kitnor, a Smoothskin drake is our healer; she takes care of us and heals our wounds. Whelnahn, a Traditional Chinese, is our leader, and solves border issues, leads the clan and other things like that. We always seemed a family, like brothers and sisters, not bound by blood, but by loyalty and friendship. I plead, I hope, and I do whatever is needed to make that feeling to stay, to survive, to thrive.

That's a neat story Falcon! I love dragons so much! xd