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I define family in a lot of ways, but the foremost are:

1. The people Hashem chose for me, to whom I am connected by bonds that cannot be severed. I learn from these relationships that there are times when I cannot run away from a disagreement or conflict, but must face them because I have no choice but to learn to be bold with love, and to be delicate with strength.

2. The people I choose for myself, to whom I am connected by bonds that are all too easy to sever with time, distance, or conflict. These relationships teach me that love doesn't simply exist, but must be maintained. I have to show integrity to be respected by these family members, and I have to show compassion if I want them to feel warm towards me.

I have three step-siblings. I was twelve when I acquired them, and we never lived together (though I did share a room with E. and W. whenever we were visiting our mutual parents), so our personalities were formed mostly without one another. The exception is the youngest, who was four when our parents married; she thinks of me as a sister, albeit not as close as her 'real' sister. The three of them know that they are bonded with a bond that cannot be severed; they know that I am not part of that bond, and yet they do consider me family, and I consider them family. We didn't choose one another, but we choose how we think of one another.

I see my grandparents about once every two to three years, given financial ability and time to do so. Until this year, I've had to set aside a cool $1000 for car rental, gas, and hotel rooms every time I want to drive down and see them. Now that I've bought a car, I can do it for just gas money and hotel, if I choose not to stay right in a grandparent's home. My grandparents, cousins, and aunt all live in the same area -- well, within 4 hours of each other, at most -- so I stay with the grandfather that has a spare room, and make side-trips to see the other family members, or demand that they descend on my grandfather's place to see me. My grandfather adores playing host, and gets his feelings hurt a bit if I stay anywhere else, so I try to stay with him (except for the time his kitchen wiring caught an electrical short and burned down, long story, it's all repaired and he wasn't hurt). I think people come see him more readily if an out-of-town guest is there as an additional tourist attraction, so I make sure that everyone knows to come see me/him when I'm there.

I refer to my family members mostly by family names, such as:

Grandparents, of whom I have more than my fair share thanks to the miracle of widowhood, divorce, and remarriage in my family, my parents' families, and my bashert's families:
Big Mama (maternal grandmother)
Big Daddy (maternal step-grandfather, now deceased)
Daddy Paul (maternal former step-grandfather, now deceased)
Grandaddy Greek (maternal grandfather yes, that is his actual first name)
Mae (maternal step-grandmother with whom I never connected, now deceased)
Nanny P. (actually I use the full surname -- paternal grandmother, now deceased)
Granddaddy P. (again using the full surname -- paternal grandfather)
Grandma Janet (step-grandmother with whom I don't connect at all; I think of her as Janet, and she thinks of me as That Girl, but to one another's faces we are Divash and Grandma)
Grandpa Bill (step-grandfather with whom I don't connect; I think of him as Bill, and he thinks of me as Bill Junior's Other Girl, What Was Her Name, She Has Good Manners)
Taffy (my bashert's paternal grandmother, who refuses to be called grandmother, and who calls me her new granddaughter)
Harvey (bashert's paternal grandfather, who refused to meet me, then died a couple years ago)
Gramma Bertie (bashert's maternal grandmother)
Grampa Mike (bashert's maternal grandfather, deceased before bashert was born)
Grampa Sid (bashert's maternal step-grandfather, deceased before I met my bashert)

Parents (of whom, again, I have more than my fair share):
Mama (or Mother, Mom, Imma, Mutter, Mamacita... depends on my mood, and yes, this is my biological mother whom I hold higher than any other woman on the face of the earth in affection and admiration)
Dad (my mother's husband, whom I used to call by his first name, until we grew on one another)
My father (I struggle with what to call him, and we're not going to talk about it)
Woody (or S, but the full name rather than the initial -- my bashert's father)
C (full name, actually, not the initial; K-san, again that's just the initial, prefers to be called what she's called in France -- my bashert's stepmother)
D (I use her full name when speaking of her; my bashert's former stepmother, and my brother-in-law's mother; I haven't met her)
S (I use her full name; my bashert's mother)

Siblings:
I use no titles for any of my step-siblings, nor for my bashert's half-brother.

Aunts, Uncles, Cousins:
I refer to all aunts as Aunt So-And-So; to all uncles as Uncle So-And-So.
My own cousins are all called simply by first name unless I'm differentiating between Aunt B and Cousin B, who have the same name and are on opposite sides of my family.
My bashert's cousins are all called Cousin So-And-So, both by my bashert and by me.

What does family mean to me?
The classic saying goes that there are three types of family: The family you are born into, th family you marry into, and the family of your friends.

I believe in all of these families but truthfully only define the word as the first two, mostly just the first one.

Family means everything to me, but also nothing to me because I take it for granted.