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Babies and independence

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myrthrilmercury

PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 8:50 pm


Not having my own or experience with children, I figured I'd ask. This comes from a slight disagreement my boyfriend and I had.

We recently visited some friends with a 13-month-old daughter. I understand it's normal for a baby to be attached to his or her parents, but I'm beginning to wonder if the attachment is potentially too much. The baby is terrified to be without her parents. One time when she was eight months old, her mother placed her in the baby stroller so she could use the bathroom and placed the stroller outside the bathroom door. The baby screamed her head off until her mother came back.

The baby has a natural distrust of strangers, which I know is normal. But people she should know, like her grandparents, can't even hold her unless a parent is there. I can forget about holding her. The baby won't play with anyone except her parents. This includes her grandparents. One fact that alarms me is the baby shares the bedroom with her parents. I thought children should always have their own room?

I'm thinking, this type of separation anxiety needs to be taken care of. What happens if this continues when she goes to nursery school or kindergarten? I know babies are attached to their parents, but I have never seen a baby with this level of attachment. The parents are frustrated but seem oblivious at the same time. I told my boyfriend I was concerned and he brushed it off, saying it was normal.

What do you think? Is my boyfriend right, or does this baby have some separation/attachment issues? I'm a little worried about her.
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:44 pm


I have a friend whose older brother's child is about 15 months old now. She's still nervous around strangers, but it took her about a year to warm up to the rest of the family (my friend, her sister and their parents). She's ok around them now, but she's still most comfortable when her parents are there.

There's nothing wrong with babies sleeping in the same room as their parents. Some parents prefer it, so they can more quickly attend to their baby when he/she cries in the middle of the night, and/or they feel closer to their baby. And of course, some parents prefer to co-sleep with their baby, forgoing a crib and seperate room altogether.

It could just be her personality, some kids are more clingy than others. When I janitored in malls, more than once I saw babies who'd freak when their mother would go into a stall to use the washroom and leave the baby in the stroller -right outside the door-. Babies don't always understand object permanence (that their parent is still there, even if they're behind the bathroom door) and they can't read their parent's mind to know when he/she is coming back.

I do know that in babies, I think from between 6 - 8 months, go through a period of seperation anxiety, and it is normal. If she's 13 months, that doesn't sound too abnormal to me, but if her parents are worried then they could always ask their doctor.

Here are some links about seperation anxiety:

http://www.drgreene.com/21_1183.html
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separation_anxiety.html
http://www.babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=62612.0


The only experience I can relate to with seperation anxiety is about a girl I grew up with. In kindergarten, I can remember her SCREAMING bloody murder as her mom tried to drop her off for the day. She was quite literally hanging off her mother. I don't remember what happened, but I do remember her being so upset. When we were in elementary school together, which was located right down the street from our neighbourhood, her mother walked her to class every day until the end of grade 6. sweatdrop That's the point where obviously something's up, anxiety is too high and counselling might be in order. But 13 months doesn't strike me as being too out of the ordinary.

Nikolita
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LorienLlewellyn

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 8:32 am


I think Niko and your boyfriend are right.

Separation anxiety is a stage that most babies go through around that age. I used to babysit a two year old girl who would scream and pound on the front door when her parents left. Most of them will outgrow it just fine by the time they are about two and a half, but it does vary a bit from baby to baby.

As for sleeping in the same room, like Niko said, a lot of parents will share a room with the baby for the first year or two. That makes it easier for the parents to hear and tend to the baby because it takes most babies some time to start sleeping through the whole night. But once the child gets a bit older, then yes, they should have their own room.
PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 11:21 pm


My daughter is almost two and she freaks out if I leave a room and I dont tell her because she wont know where I went... But she hugs her grandparents ...

ANY WHO It's normal they probually just answer every fuss they just need to explain to her that she is fine and what they are doing is for her.. I do that with my daughter and she just says Okay momma and goes on her marry way..

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