Hi, I'm looking for a tutor to help me improve my roleplaying.
The type of tutor I'm looking for is someone above my ability to roleplay, I've included an example of a recent post I made in a roleplay in a guild I'm in where I have control of both characters. My usual post size is about one to three lines, I hope you consider me and I'm willing to learn. Also if you want your character to be a mentor in a roleplay I'd be happy for one of my characters to be your characters student.

So there were two of them, and it seemed one was aiming at him from the rooftop where he'd just been. He couldn't see them completely but from the direction of the last bullet he could guess the general location. So that was how this guy took out so many lethal opponents, he distracted them by usless banter then had his friend snipe them from afar.
"Even now you're assessing the situation, and the reason for my reputation. It's a quality found in most good mercenaries." Ertant said to Dante, it seemed he back on his distraction trail again.
"So you guessed my old job, it seems I'm not the only one assessing everything." Dante replied, he stepped back just before a bullet wizzed past his chest. He then noticed something, beside his foot. "Shi-" As the mine launched up to his midpoint Dante covered himself in flames. It exploded by his back, smoke covered over him breifily.
When the smoke cleared Dante was still standing but no longer on fire.
"It seems I'm not the only one hiding things to catch the opponent off guard." Ertant pointed out in regards to the flames that had sheilded Dante before, if he hadn't used the pressure of the flames to force the explosion away from himself he may have lost this battle without even barely moving.
So there were mines hidden all over the plains, a sniper in the distance and a munitions expert just infront. This sort of trap was worthy of such a high ranking mercenary. Even the explosion Dante had heard before had a perpose, it was lure, something to bring the target into the trap zone.

Thankyou for reading this and hearing me out to the end.
Any critique on the above example post would be appriciated.