|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 7:51 pm
I'm sure you awesomely creative band nerds can think of some awesomely creative band jokes. So tell the funniest jokes about anything related to band... or not related to band, i dont care just tell jokes people!
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 5:35 am
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and is now au naturel.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 5:37 am
Ooh and a horn joke xd How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. I played that last year."
OR
"Hi. I did that piece in middle school."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 4:10 pm
1- how do trumpets greet eachother: Hi,, I'm better then you
2- what's the difference between a trampoline and a flute? You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
3- This guy walks in to a brain store and looks at the prices.
Clarinet Branis $1 a lb.
Trumpet brains $15 a lb.
Percussion brains $1000 a lb.
and he says why are percussion brains so expensive and the guy says"Do you know how many percussionist you have to kill to get a pound of brains?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 4:14 pm
Lol! Band people sure do have good jokes! finally my computer got back up! ^-^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:32 pm
What's the range of a tuba? 10 yards if you have a good arm.
What's the difference between a trombonist and a chainsaw? Chainsaws keep the beat better.
Never look at a trombonist. It'll only encourage it.
A band was playing. The conductor cut off, looked at the oboes and said, "Who put a duck in their clarinet?"(This really happened!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Plays The Thing Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 5:26 am
A band was playing in a high school. Then, the conductor stopped the music after hearing this strange sound. Then, when the band went silent, he realized it was the fire drill. "That's not in the score," the conductor laughed. The two oboeists looked at each other. "I thought that was you!" one of them said. (a story our band critic told us that happened to his band)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:05 pm
How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
5-- 1 to do it and 4 to tell them how they could do it better
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 6:04 am
A Dating Story
A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"
xd
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:59 pm
There's a clarinetist who just cant seem to get his part right so the conductor puts him in the back of the room with 2 sticks and makes him a percussionist. When he still cant get his part right he takes away one stick and makes him the conductor.(my friend made this up). ninja
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 6:44 pm
A director of a band was arrested for the murder of one of his players. They took him to the electric chair the next day. It didn't work. They dismissed it for fluke and tried again the next. Again, no success. And finally, on the third failed attempt they admitted defeat and asked him: Why are you not dying? The man replied: I gess I'm just a bad conductor.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 11:02 am
our trombone, calls his trombone a tromboner O.O
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 12:22 pm
What did the tounge say to the reed? -- Do you want me to tounge you now or later?
How do you tune two flutes? -- You shoot one
What is the same about a trombonist and a vacuum cleaner? -- They both suck
How many percussionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -- 0 because they don't even know what it is
2 clarinet players are sitting on a dock playing their clarinets. A little boy comes by and asks them how they play. The first one explains that it takes pratice. The little boy still don't get it. The second one tells the boy that you have to suck on the reed, finger the holes and blow really hard. As she said the last 2 parts, the boys parents walked by. Both of the clarinet players sat in jail for sexual harrasment
Moral of this story: Clarinets are just plain perverted smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
