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Here's a little something I made up for kicks. How to become a rap star in ten easy steps. Enjoy.


1: Take a one week vacation to the ghetto. Brush up on today's hot new words. Meet interesting people. Get shot if you can, it helps.

2: Find someone to endorse you. Take anyone you can find, so long as they're known to the public. Hell, you could even take Micheal Jackson.

3: Go to a record company and ask for a label. Present your endorser, and then tell them some sob story about how terrible your week in the ghetto was. Be sure to make the white girls cry if you can, it helps.

4: Now that you have a record deal, mooch off your endorser until they let you use their recording studio. It'll cut costs.

5: Remember that one week vacation you took to the ghetto earlier? Remember all that stuff you learned? Forget it. ALL of it. No one wants to hear about the real ghetto, after all real gangstas have new cars, million dollar mansions, and fancy jewelry.

6: Now you're ready to make your record. Record your first song. Pour your heart and soul into it. Then hand it over to your record label for extensive editing and gutting, which will be done until the song is almost unrecognizable.

7: Now that you have a song to advertise, do the rest of your tracks all in one week. You'll cut costs that way too. It doesn't matter how shitty they are, you have a single now buddy.

8: Be sure to go back over your songs before releasing the album. Make up some s**t. Say stuff that never really happened. It is also strongly advised that you use the words "b***h, slut, hoe, sexy" and any other words you can think of that can possibly have any sexual meaning at all, regardless of how little sense it makes. When all else fails, make up words yourself. It's the new "gangsta" thing to do.

9: Once people get tired of your s**t, write a letter to some other star you've never really met before, saying a lot of mean things that you can't really prove. The resulting fued with him should keep your career afloat for the next two years or so.

10: At this point, you don't need to put any effort into your songs at all anymore. Endorse things yourself. Video games, radio sets, beverages. Remember, you're a gansta now, and a gangsta's best friend is his endorsement. Keep this up, and you'll be a rap legend in no time!

According to my bf's little brother, watching 50 cents' movie is like watching GTA San Andreas or a two hour long G-Unit video blaugh

You really should.

From K-Os: seek out the songs Crabbuckit, Man I Used To Be and Love Song.

KNaan: Dustyfoot Philosopher, Hoobaale and Strugglin