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Tags: Drow, Underdark, Dark Elves 

Reply UNDERGAIA CHATTERBOX (UGCB) --- Anything goes, post, bump, hang out!
Working on a Story, need opinions and help Dx Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2

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Catwagon
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:42 am


In her hands was a small bundle of papers. Placing it on the floor in between the spread of her legs, she turns to a blank page and begins to write. Her hand shakes as bumpy letters and words begin to form on the page. The only light: a small ray of hopeless sun, peering through the window's boards. A few tears roll off her cheek, carving blurry lines in the ink. Wiping her eyes, she presses on.

You still have a problem with switching tenses here. You really need to make sure that if you're writing anything, you pick a tense and stick with it. Narratives need to remain unambiguous as well.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:21 pm


Oh, I see what you mean. I'll fix that right now.

Moonlite__Syren

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Moonlite__Syren

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:29 pm


Fixed. I hope. sweatdrop
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:47 pm


You might wanna try this site out, instead of the writers' forum.
http://www.fictionpress.com/
It takes a while for your account to be activated, but it works I suppose.

I'm also guessing it's about zombies, right?
I can't say much from the prologue. But I like how strong the emotions are so far, and you keep a nice track for details. Thumbs up for that.

Bunilla Latte
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Moonlite__Syren

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 4:04 pm


Aglo na oiche
You might wanna try this site out, instead of the writers' forum.
http://www.fictionpress.com/
It takes a while for your account to be activated, but it works I suppose.


Ooh, thanks I'll check that out. ^^

Aglo na oiche

I'm also guessing it's about zombies, right?
I can't say much from the prologue.


I was hoping it wasn't going to be too obvious. That's why I tossed up various newspaper titles to try to fool the reader.

Aglo na oiche

But I like how strong the emotions are so far, and you keep a nice track for details. Thumbs up for that.


Thank you very much. But I think Sere deserves some of the credit to. She helped me a lot on improving and expressing my character's emotions along with heavy grammar corrections.

I started this at like 4am after no sleep but I'm not gonna make excuses I'd probably would have made the same mistakes with a full night's rest lol.
PostPosted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 7:30 am


The sole survivor scenario had been done a lot of times. To me, it tends to become predictable in many ways.
But it's like the masked avenger, it also had been done many times, but that doesn't means one will not read the story about each one of them.
My advice would be: make people believe they know which story they are reading, and then surprise them by breaking the rules of what they think they know.
You have a good start, please keep on.

Baroness_Von_Badpussycat

Dangerous Bloodsucker

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UNDERGAIA CHATTERBOX (UGCB) --- Anything goes, post, bump, hang out!

Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2
 
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