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 Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:25 pm
I was driving home from my grandma's house today and i just didn't go well. I have way to much time to think when i drive and that is not good for me. I over analyze things too much and i start thinking about things and imagining things and hoping for things that are never going to happen. And my mind kept wandering to one specific thing and i know nothing's ever going to happen but i can't stop how i feel and i can't stop what i was thinking. But i found it very difficult to concentrate once i started thinking about this and it felt weird and i feel weird now and i feel like i don't know how to act and i think maybe i should stop spending time with this person but i know i can't and i feel like i'm taking advantage of them or something and i feel like i want to tell them and i wish that they knew and felt the same and i wish i could bring it up with this person and i wish i could talk to them and i wish i didn't think/know they think this is all sort of weird and i wish i had never talked to them about it and i wish that she had never brought it up because now i don't know how anyone feels about it and i want to talk to them all but i cant but mostly i just want to talk to this one person because i think i love them and i don't know and they don't love me and i want them to and none of this is helping and no one is going to read this and none of them care and none of them want to know and i can't deal with this and i don't want to but i think i have to but maybe i don't
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 4:01 pm
Maybe moving on from a lost cause is the best thing to do, no matter how much it hurts.
The more it hurts, the stronger you'll be in the end. Only after suffering are we free to do anything. Only by suffering will we process things enough to learn anything.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 4:29 pm
I know i should move on, but i don't really know how. Whenever i see this person or whenever i'm near them i think about this and i think about how i feel about them. Is it really possible to stop feeling that way without completely ending the friendship? Because i know i couldn't do that.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 7:57 pm
This is kind of random but, kind of what I'm getting from you.. do you have a crush on one of your female friends and she just doesn't feel the same? Or is it a male friend?
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:00 pm
itzadoozi This is kind of random but, kind of what I'm getting from you.. do you have a crush on one of your female friends and she just doesn't feel the same? Or is it a male friend? Yes, she's female. I have been avoiding saying it outright, but i guess it doesn't really matter. I am bisexual, i just recently came out to my friends. That's what most of my rants have been about.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 8:06 pm
I feel like an idiot now. -shrugs-
My point still applies.
Suffering always makes you stronger in the end, just ask if the strength you gain is worth the suffering you put in.
... I hope that didn't come across as me disapproving of your bisexuality, because reading it back to myself, it seems as if that may be an underlying idea that would come across. Well, just to reassure, it isn't any part of that. 3nodding
And now I feel like I'm trying to prove something that need not be proven. Ugh... I have mental problems now. gonk
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Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 12:28 pm
I was right! Hooowah! It takes serious guts to come out to your friends, so congrats! As for your friend.. if she doesn't feel the same, you'll have to decide if you can still be comfortable and happy as just friends... I guess, I've never really had a crush on a girl so, I can't completely relate but, I'm thinking its a lot like falling in love with your best guyfriend or something. If he doesn't feel the same.. you just have to move on. It'll hurt but, there is always someone else. ^^
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Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 5:49 pm
@Prince: It didn't sound disapproving to me, and thanks for the advice.
@Doozi: I don't think i can stop being friends with her, and i don't know if i can stop having feelings for her. I can try to ignore it, but really my feelings for her are what made me realize i'm bisexual and i guess i'm just sort of afraid of all this, it's all so new.
(And it feels a lot better to be able to use gender pronouns now blaugh )
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Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:49 pm
*haha* None of us are going to judge you by your sexual orientation. We love you for who you are. ^^
Have you talked to her about it or does it just totally freak her out? I'm from the Bible belt and everyone is extremely homo-phobic.. it annoys me.
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:30 am
itzadoozi *haha* None of us are going to judge you by your sexual orientation. We love you for who you are. ^^ Have you talked to her about it or does it just totally freak her out? I'm from the Bible belt and everyone is extremely homo-phobic.. it annoys me. She is religious but for the most part she's ok with it. I mean from talking to her before i came out she seemed fine with stuff like this, and she hasn't treated me any different since i came out. But she doesn't know i like her, which i think may make her uncomfortable.
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:00 am
Yeah.. man that's hard... Its like, do you tell her and risk losing your friendship.. or not tell her and be living a secret. I really wish I could give you better advice!! sad
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Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 3:25 pm
Don;t feel bad about it. it's my problem in the end and i have to make the decision of what to do. More than likely i won't tell her, but i might tell one of my other friends i'm really close with.
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