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 Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 8:20 pm
Was he too late? The part of him that drove him to the borders on end to not search for Ruffian, but look at the horizon out of reach was overthrown, and he felt a deep ache in his chest. He had not been there, and he felt somewhat of a failing part in all that had gone on. His daughter Tearh, she had cubs, and had moved on from this pride. His grandchildren, distant. He felt distant and he knew he had to make it right. He was grasping at the impossible, but hoped that what he still felt in his heart lingered in hers.
True he made excuses for himself, practiced them in his mind, ready for a fight, to fight for her, for them together, but in all honestly it was his own reluctance and distance that made him feel he drove him apart.
Did she feel the same?
He paced by the stone that lay over where his sister's spirit rest during the day and then soared to the night sky to settle with the stars, he silently was asking advice but he knew what he had to do.
Make a better lion of himself.
Take responsibility.
Not give up, give in, let it go.
Daemon couldn't let it go from his heart, the thought of them together, their journey here and their journey in these lands. He had never been happiest than with her, and on the outside her felt cold, but the moments of them together in his memory kept a flame lit bright in his heart.
Love.
Had it faded from her? He knew he would feel himself break. No masks this time, no excuses, fight for it, fight.
He traveled to the borders, hoping to see her figure, there were no others around, not yet, and he wondered if she was secluded somewhere in the solitude of herself as he had been.
He let out a roar, melancholy somewhat, but a call, wanting her to come near so he could speak.
Ruffian
He would fight for it, or feel his heart shatter and swept away by the wind.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 5:06 pm
The black lioness had indeed felt secluded. Half of her children had left, perhaps more. She didn't know, as she wasn't able to see them very often. They had all decided to move on in their lives, some even leaving their birth home completely. Where did that leave her?
So she had resorted to wandering. She couldn't bring herself to leave the lands, and rightly avoided the border where the Firekin resided. Still, the feeling of abandonment wouldn't leave her.
Mingling with the pride had only filled a bit of the void; she was never the most social lioness. Even when her children were young, she didn't reside around with the other mothers, fawning over what their children had done that day, or the night before. 7 was more than enough, and at the end of the day she just wanted to escape the stress with sleep.
A sudden sound yanked her from her thoughts, a voice that she hadn't forgotten, but also had not heard much lately. Daemon? What did he want?
Reluctantly, as she felt a bit of herself stir inside, she returned his call, slowly padding towards the call. She couldn't ignore him, but the subbornness that had never left her kept her from wanting to walk any faster.
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Posted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 6:14 pm
He had to say the right words, but what could he say that would make this right? His eyes would say everything he couldn't bring himself to say, but he couldn't stay silent. He wanted to try, make this right, but how? Daemon felt nervous now, like when he was younger going into unknown territory, anxiety and excitement swirling in anxiousness and slight fear. He was afraid, afraid he wouldn't say the right things, and afraid he wouldn't say anything at all.
Daemon waited, his white form stark against the green and yellow grass around him, the days had gone by so quickly, they had grandchildren, he felt old somehow, but he still felt young when he thought of her.
If he said it, would she believe him?
His eyes never faded over the days and nights, still bright blue, warmer than cold, and he wondered if her brown eyes still held their glow like in the moonlight, and light of dawn. He closed his eyes and felt himself there, in those moments, and he was content.
Daemon wanted that now.
He heard her call back and he rose to his paws and walked towards her own echo, though he stopped when he saw her. Moving towards him, but slow, hesitant? His ears fell back slightly in embarrassment, disbelief in himself.
Did she not want to speak to him at all?
When she was close enough, he didn't move forward, didn't want her angry, but if her tackling him, screaming, yelling, beating on his muscles, he would let her, anything to make this right.
"Ruffian?" he spoke almost silently, in question, testing the air that felt as if it burned the back of his throat.
It couldn't stay like this, he would fix it, he had to.
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Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 3:23 pm
Her brown eyes had seen him approach, but there was little recognition for it in her mind. She had started to feel herself enveloped in her thoughts again, some good, some bad.
The distinct sound of one stopped jolted her head up, seeing that he had moved. She couldn't stop from looking in his eyes, and feeling a bolt of hostility startled her. She took a step backwards, feeling herself snarl a bit at him. She would never fix that part of herself.
"That's my name, idiot," she replied, though a little acidly. She regretted it immediately, but what was out there, was out there. No way to take it back. She lessened her stance a bit, but kept an uneasy space between the two of them. She wasn't the kind to rush into anything, no matter what it was.
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Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 7:52 pm
"Ruffian I-" and he was cut off by her motion, her snarl, and his ears felt flat against his mane and skull as if he could feel every fiber receding. A frown in his eyes, he had hurt them both, hurt her. He hated himself for it. How could he have become such a lion? Foolishness, he would never let his own pride suffocate his true nature again. He took a breath, slow, and almost chuckled at her words although they bit down into his ears as she spoke them. Harsh, stinging in his eyes and he felt it on his tongue. Afraid to speak, but silence wouldn't fix anything.
The distance physically between them did not help keep his mind at ease, and he tried to find his words, He lowered his eyes, and his head, wanting to physically make himself look smaller, vulnerable, nonthreatening, he spoke softly, only enough for her to hear.
"I'm sorry," he spoke, but he wasn't done, not yet. Only a brief moment of hesitation, and he let go. "-is not enough for what I've done," he felt as if he was confessing a sin other males might have committed against their mates, no loyalty, but no, this was different, but the tension the same, the hurt, the same. "I pulled myself back from you, our family, everything, I kept myself near the borders but not where you roamed, I would watch you, still, from a distance, but when you would walk in one direction, I would go the other," he bit his lip, his stubbornness fighting to not lose pride.
But what pride would he have if he lost his mate, his love, Ruffian?
Nothing, he'd be nothing.
He had to make this right.
"Our children have grown, I miss the small paws, our togetherness, teaching them how to pounce, how to swim, how to not be afraid. So many have gone on, grandchildren now, and I pulled away when we should have been closest," he felt his eyes sting.
There was no shame here, he would say what it would take.
"I don't know how I can ask you to forgive me, how I even have the right to make such a request, but you, I-" it was harder for him to speak now, his throat dry, breaking in tone, pitch.
"Even with everything, the distance, both physical and mental, I've always loved you, and I will always keep loving you, I want to make this right, please," he didn't feel as if he could live without her.
"Tell me what I have to do...what do I have to do to have you forgive me, and believe my words, know my honor and actions are true-"
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 1:56 pm
She could feel herself growing tense again. Sorry? Really? She remembered her mother saying sorry when she had died, sorry that they had never returned home to find the fate of Ruffian's father. She remembered hearing sorry when her brother had decided to abandon her, and Ruffian never heard from him again.
She didn't like the word sorry.
For his sake though, she bit her tongue. She still had never really told him anything about her past. How would he know how much she hated that word? So instead, she merely just settled her glare at him, keeping that uneasy space between them.
"The children are gone. Whomever is still left in the pride, I don't know. I don't see them anymore. Then you were gone." Her tone was solid, little emotion slipping between her words.
"I don't like being alone anymore," she added on, not wanting to reply to everything he had said. Why say more when what really mattered was how she felt?
She didn't quite know what she would want him to do, so she remained quiet.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:18 pm
She was quiet nad he knew that something larger perhaps than what was before his eyes was grasping her attention, he words and her strength. He took a slow step towards her, anxiety, fear, worth flickering again and he took a breath closing his eyes. "What I felt, when I was away from you, I don't know how to explain it logically, it was like, every breath wouldn't suffice, wasn't enough, something was missing."
Daemon watched her then, took another step, slow and steady, his eyes closed inc ase she didn't want to peer into them, he was afraid they would look cold, distant, he didn't want that anymore. He wanted there to be warmth, life, love, feeling.
"I can't be without you," he opened his eyes and looked at her, he wanted to try, let her win anything, a playfight, and argument, anything to keep hearing ehr voice, looking into her eyes, being close to her.
He slowly moved and closed his eyes again, and touched his forehead to hers, he knew she might pull back, hit him for moving too close, but he had to try, give it a chance, "I love you," no matter what happened, no matter where they were, where they might go or be, how she might feel, how angry things might seem, so much tension, everything lumped in a mass he would always love her.
He didn't expect it back, and he knew well what he had done with distance was trying on his heart, but he wanted her to know, to hear the words said not just implied.
He would always love her.
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:22 am
She was taken back by just how quickly he had shrank the space between them. In fact, it had almost enraged her. How dare he sit there, disappear for so long, and then rush right in, thinking that it would make everything better!
She was shocked when he had bumped against her, gentle as it was. In a completely surprising move, the lioness threw her body against him, hoping to knock his feet out from under him. At this point, she wanted to pin him, to yell at him, to deny everything he said. If he had really loved her, than he wouldn't have done what he did!
She wouldn't have felt so rejected. He deserved to feel more of her pain, the b*****d.
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Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:37 pm
As she moved he couldn't say he wasn't surprised, he deserved it. He made no urge to fight against her motion and let himself fall, he would not use strength to stand still and not feel the extent of her force. He let her. His side his the ground and his eyes closed as he winced, a sharp rock protruding from the earth a suitable reminder of his actions.
Daemon pushed himself to stand and peered at his side slightly, a small scrap, but deep enough his white pelt turned red. It would sting later, from the dirt covered rock, but he couldn't pay attention to it now.
His eyes were full of sadness and understanding, and he didn't move this time, forward nor back. "Its not enough, I know," his ears were flat against his head, head hunched forward slightly. He did not stand tall and proud, no. "I know I can't understand what it felt like, but, if it would make it better, I'll do whatever it takes," he was offering himself as an outlet, would let her thrash if she needed, half blind him if she needed.
Anything.
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Posted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 8:07 pm
She sighed just a bit, feeling the air escape from her chest as she closed her eyes. This wasn't a fir situation for her, but it also wasn't a fair situation to him, either. And while she wanted to be selfish and continue her ranting, she knew it wouldn't do any good. She wasn't fully capable of being who she used to be. She knew deep down that he had changed her, even if she hated to acknowledge that point.
It just wasn't fair.
"Patience," she finally said. "Patience and time. Maybe then...things can start to go right."
She took the risk (to her, it was a risk), in gingerly laying a paw on top of his, knowing that a slight bit of a physical contact might help in emphasizing her words. She meant what she said, even if she was still a little cautious on the whole thing. It was the first time she had really been in this situation, and was still unsure as to exactly what she was doing.
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Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 9:40 pm
"Then I will be patient, and I will do what I must Ruffian, I promise you that, things will be different," as her paw touched his just slightly, it gave him some hope in her words and he found solace in them, and felt more at ease. In time things would be better, they just had to be patient, he had to be patient.
The world around them was different now, where family was, children had grown, and what had happened. But he would make things change, he would change and never revert back to what he had been, who he had let himself become, never again.
She meant more to him than anything, and he would do whatever it took.
Now time would be their messenger, and guard.
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