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This is one of my favorite parts of a book I read called Survivor. Enjoy.

How do you eat a lobster?
The losters in the pot look dead enough so I left one out. I tell the speakerphone, First, twist off each of the big front claws.
The other lobsters I'll put in the refrigerator for them to practice taking apart. To the speakerphone I say, Take notes.
I crack the claws and eat the meat inside.
Then bend the lobster backward until it's tail smaps away from it's body. Snap off the tip of the tail, the Telson, and use a seafood fork to push out the tail meat.Remove the intestinal vein that runs the length of the tail. If the vein is clear, the lobster hasn't eat anything for a while. A thick dark vein is fresh and still full of dung.
I eat the tail meat.
The seafood fork, I tell the speakerphone with my mouth full, the seafood fork is the little baby for with three prongs.
Next, you unhinge the back shell, the carapace, from the body, and eat the green digestive gland called the Tomalley. Eat the coper-based blodd that congeals into white gunk. Eat the coral-colored immature egg masses.
I eat them all.
Lobsters have what you'd call and "open" circulatory system where the blood just sloshes around inside their cavities, bathing the diffrent organs.
The lungs are spongy and tough, but you can eat them, I tell the speakerphone and lick my fingers. The stomach is the tough sack of what look like teeth just behind the head. Don't eat the stomach.
I dig around inside the body. I suck the little meat out of each walking leg. I beite off the tiny gill bailers. I bypass the ganglia of the brain.
I stop.
What I find is impossible.
The speakerphone is yalling, "Okay, now what? Was that everything? What's there left to eat?"
This can't be happening because according ot my daily planner it's almost three o'clock. I'm supposed to be outside digging up the garden. At four, I'll rearrange the flower beds. At five-thirty, I'll pull up the alvia and replace them with dutch iris roses, snapdragons, frens, ground cover.
The speakerphone is yelling, "What is happening there? Answer me! What's gone wrong?"
I check my schedule, and it says I'm happy. I'm productive. I work hard. It's all right down here in black and white. I'm getting things done.
The speakerphone yells, "What dowe do next?"
Today is just one of those days the sun comes out to really humiliate you.
The speakerphone yells, "What's there left to do?"
I ignore the speakerphone because there's nothing left to do.
Almost nothing's left.
And maybe this is justa a trick of the light, but I've eat almost the whole lobster before I notice the heart beat.

-Survivor
Chuck Palahniuk

That is SO DISGUSTING. *goes off somewhere to throw up*

Here is one of my favorite scenes in the anime my friend and I are making:

Very brief run down- Near the end of my story, the three main characters (Kitsune, Ryuu, and Tori) have just reunited with Sorin, one of their companions who, until now, they thought was dead: (I'm just going to do this in script form to make it easier for me sweatdrop )


Sorin (looking at Kitsune's bare feet): Where're your shoes? ((long story I'm not going to get into right now))

Kitsune (turns towards him angrily): Don't even go there!

Sorin (backs off and goes to Tori): What happened to her shoes?

Tori (smiling innocently): They're in a volcano.

Sorin (cocking an eyebrow in confusion): How did her shoes get into a volcano?

Kitsune (storming over to the two yelling and pointing at Tori): BECAUSE HE THREW THEM IN THE VOLCANO!!!!

Sorin (stunned): Has anything else this interesting happened while I was gone?

Kitsune (sarcastic look on her face): Oh yes...I fell down a hole! I fell down a gorge! I almost got struck by lightning...TWICE!!!! I got frostbite! I got kidnapped! I got trapped in a soundproof crystal! I had to paddle across the goddamn ocean! And then you died on me and I missed you so much!!!

Sorin (smiling): Really?

Kitsune (angrily): Don't go there either (storms away...)



The things me and my friend come up with ^^ xd . 5/9 of those events Kitsune ranted about have actually been thought out and planned, which I will write up later ^^.

Funny quote.

Dont look in a boys pants or it will attack you!
-lydia

p.s. If that was offensive then I like to know what you think is a funny quote...
xp
great advice though I had night mares...

I have a couple quotes...

Alanna was cleaning Lightning in her room when Myles found her. "You didn't kill him," the knight said bluntly. "He would have killed you, but you didn't kill him."
Alanna's arm was hurting; she hadn't got the chance to place healing magic on herself. The pain made her short with her friend. "So? He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep."
-In The Hand Of The Goddess, by Tamora Pierce

Numair shook Daine as he held her. "You fiend!" he yelled. "What on earth possessed you? You were dead I ought to kill you myself!"
"Numair, calm down." The Lioness bent over Daine, looking white and drawn. "How are you, youngling? You gave us a scare."
Daine grabbed her hand. "You're the purple fire. You brought me back?"
"I gave you a direct jolt to the heart. We thought we'd lost you."
"My heart?" She frowned, remembering. "It made too much noise. I wanted it to quiet down so I could talk with the dolphins."
"Do you hear her" Numair asked the clouds. "She wanted to talk to dolphins, so she stopped her own blessed heart! Mithros, Mynoss, and Shakith!"
Daine sat up. "I never."
Numair opened his mouth and Onua, behind him, covered it. "Not until you can talk without screaming," she said firmly.
-Wild Magic, by Tamora Pierce

Well, that's all I have right now. Also, these stories were not written by me and I do not own them!