Welcome to Gaia! ::

Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

Back to Guilds

This is a writer's guild where all can gather for feedback and advice on all mediums of writing. Plus it's a great place for conversation. 

Tags: Writing, Writer, Writer's Block, Critiques, Friends 

Reply Poetry and Lyricism
My new favorite peom that I wrote, critics?

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

You likes?
  yes
  no
  Almost, I will leave a suggestion
  You should give up on being a poet :(
View Results

Iam WhoIAm

Hilarious Humorist

21,000 Points
  • Partygoer 500
  • Signature Look 250
  • Millionaire 200
PostPosted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 5:32 pm


I like it...
I like it when you make me laugh
I like it when you smile
I like it when you tickle me,
Though I fight back all the while.

I like it when you play with me
I like it when you’re here
I like it when you walk with me
You make everything so clear.

I like it when you hold my hand
I like your handsome face
I like the stories that you write
presenting a brand new place.

I like it when you hug me tight
I like the way you smell
I like it when you tell me things
And catch me in your spell.

I like it when you look at me
And gaze into my eyes
I like the way you comfort me
And take me by surprise.

I like the way you’re always there
I like it when we kiss
And when you are away from me
All I do is reminisce.

I like the way we seem to fit
I like to be with you
I like the fact you love me
And the fact I love you too.

I love that I can be myself
With you I am so free
I love it that you feel the same
It fills me up with glee.

I love that you are funny
I love that I’m with you
But most of all importantly
I love that you are you.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:29 pm


This made me go "awwwh". It's very cute. (:

Good job with keeping the rhyme scheme. At times, though, it seemed a little forced and predictable as to what your next/last word would be. And that caused it to flow oddly at times. You may want to try reading this aloud and playing with syllables as well as rhymes.

What I really liked was the transition from like to love. I enjoyed that part. Simple yet effective.

Isianya

Aged Gaian

1,900 Points
  • Happy Birthday! 100
  • Gaian 50
  • Member 100

Iam WhoIAm

Hilarious Humorist

21,000 Points
  • Partygoer 500
  • Signature Look 250
  • Millionaire 200
PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 3:29 pm


Thank you
Yes, I had noticed that there were some points that were odd, but I couldn't figure out how to fix it so I gave up on trying to fix it and decided to see if anyone could help me out.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2010 9:43 pm


I really enjoyed it! It made me think of alot of old memories, I havn't thought about in a while. I also think you did a fantastic job of keeping the whole thing fluent, even when the line didn't start with 'I love'.

DKMiller

Reply
Poetry and Lyricism

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum