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Tags: bleach, aftershock, shinigami academy, literate, role-play 

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*Tenzomaru Morimo

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Tenzomaru

PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 12:52 pm


Character's name:Tenzomaru Morimo
Aliases/Nicknames:Tenzo
Age:22
Occupation: Student
Reiatsu color:Red
Appearance:
Tenzo wears a greay jacket and a hood covering his head and shadowing his face which is trimmed with fur.He was messy dark hair, red big eyes and snow white skin.
Personality:
Being raised in a rich family Tenzomaru was raised thinking that he was the center of attention to anyone and that everybody would expect things frim him which made him self-centered.He is entirely convinced on his own ability and tends to overestimate his own abilities.Tenzomaru also was an immature behaviour and tends to believe he can achieve anything he wants.
Bio/History:
Tenzomaru was raised in the Morimo family, regardless it didn't have the status of a nobel clan it was famous for being a wealthy rich clan. Being born as child to the head of the family Tenzomaru learn to live off his father's wealth instead of living of his own strengh. Tenzomaru decided to join the Shinigami Academy as he was preasured by his father to chose an academy to go to, and he chose the Shinigami academy in order to make his father jealous.
Kidou:None
Abilities: None
Skills:
Swordsmanship-above average
Kido-average
Hand-to-hand-bellow average
Accomplished classes:
Pending classes:None
Favourite Subject:Swordsmanship
Disliked Subject:Hand-to-Hand
Favourite teacher:
Disliked teacher:
Expectations:To prove himself to the world.
PostPosted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 1:07 pm


Did you just use a comma and a connective together?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/skillswise/words/grammar/punctuation/commas/game.shtml

Spaces after full stops and other devices of punctuation.
And Paragraphs...

Pad Chief

Winner


Tenzomaru

PostPosted: Wed Oct 07, 2009 4:35 am


Edited
PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 12:34 pm


It would be very much appreciated if you could expand your profile a bit; that goes to the appearance and personality section mainly. Also the bio part is a bit short, but could be considered passable.

ezzelinn
Vice Captain


Pad Chief

Winner

PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 1:03 pm


Also the correct term would be stand out instead of step out,

although step out sounds awesome.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 09, 2009 1:34 pm


Edited

Tenzomaru


ezzelinn
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 2:38 am


I don't really see much improvement and expansion. But I guess it's passable, and you can update some of the things later.

Senbei house.
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