I can't STAND feeling helpless or weak.

[Xiporah]

I wish I was stronger. I wish I could take a punch to the face and brush it off. I sneer at strangers who watch me longer than I feel is needed. I stop and act openly aggressively towards men in cars that honk at me when they drive by, when honestly, if they slammed on the breaks and got out, I'd be completely ********. Sometimes I carry knives, but very rarely. My friend is more likely to carry than I am.

I'm pretty weak physically. This really bothers me, so I do my best to hide it. I don't want to be muscular. I don't want to be masculine in appearance, but mannerisms is awesome. I like maintaining a feminine appearance.

I listen to aggressive music because I'm afraid I'll be seen as too female or too weak if I listen to anything else. At least that's how it started when I was really young. I eventually actually grew to like the music I listen to now. I like the rush I feel when I'm at a show and there's some brutal a** guitar player onstage shredding the ******** out of their guitar.

I feel a false sense of security and power when I wear my steel toes, like I could literally break down doors and roundhouse kick people in the face, even though I am physically incapable of either.

Most of the people I talk to who are into BD/SM are subs or bottoms. I can't even begin to fathom being a sub or in a situation that I can't control. It makes me feel extremely hostile.

I've always dated younger or my own age. Only one guy I ever dated was older than me, but I was the dominant party in the relationship because he held me that way. He was taught to put women on a pedestal. Being older somehow is more comfortable to me mentally because being older is a form of being dominant.

I love being pretty, (which I am kinda...not feeling these days because of my weight issue, but I am trying to work on it.) but I want to be strong too. I want to be strong, aggressive and able bodied enough to fight someone off or slit someone's throat if I have to.

I don't know where this comes from. No one in my family encouraged this behavior or forced gender stereotypes on me.

I really don't have a question here, except maybe does anyone else share this? Or is it just my psycho b***h a**? I guess it's open for discussion if you have something to say or something. :3

 

[Streetlight Fights]

I think it's quite normal...seeing as many many guys still have the notion that women are somehow inferior to them. Even my boyfriend has those tendencies sometimes, especially when it comes to driving, intelligence, etc...It's really annoying.

The thing I do is carry myself with confidence, or try. The power a girl can have is the ability to charm herself out of things. I often play the innocent role. Heh.
My music and clothing don't really affect feeling tough though, I dress really girly and probably look like an easy target...and I worry about that sometimes >_> I wanted to get pepper spray at one point. Ah well.  

[Hiei Cake]

My mom has been trying to bring me up in a housewife style. Basically, do more household chores than the males because it's the womanly thing to do and be submissive to the male (meaning if I'm having an argument, give up and let them win).

I am way too ******** hard-headed and stubborn for that. I hate the idea of backing down when I know I'm right. I kind of have a domineering personality. My stepdad made the joke that any guy I would date would have to be whippable and it's probably true. >____>

 

[noramine]

Maybe if you took a basic self-defense or karate class it would help? Or an intro boxing class? Get toned and feel better about your strengths at the same time?  

[marzipancakes]

You should take a self defense class. Like the rape aggression defense class Addy and I are taking. It's a short class and we've seriously learned a lot and I feel like I could totally take someone down. I probably could have before, but now I could even better. Plus now I also know how to get out of certain situations, whereas I never would have known before.  

[unfathomable]

I don't see anything wrong with not wanted to be dominated by external forces. You're basically saying you can't stand NOT being treated like anything other than a full, entire human being, and you want to be able to back that up.

There are a couple things you said that are somewhat problematic to me, but I'm not one to be nitpick-y, especially on a forum that overwhelmingly doesn't see eye to eye with me in terms of worldview.

But really, I don't see a reason for you to feel "psycho" about wanting to be a strong person, physically, mentally, whatever.  

[Tanyarbles]

I sometimes wish I was stronger too; verbally. Generally I'm the one who keeps peace in almost everything. In all honesty, no one's ever started s**t with me 'cause, well, I'm not looking for any, nor do I want to deal with any. I guess I am somewhat strong in the fact that I do not get offended quite easily.

I feel manly sometimes, though. I grew up a tomboy, and I flaunted that aspect of myself. Now, I chill with almost all guys. I just get along with them more easily 'cause they're so laid back and casual. Most of the time, peoples first reactions to me are something along the lines of 'Dude, you made me think of a stoner artist who sits back and drinks tea and embraces the world'; in all honesty, in the most unselfish way, I am a lot like that. (Minus the 'stoner' aspect.) Though sometimes I do get the "lesbian" thing going on, 'cause I'm so guyish. I dig looking at women, I dig dirty jokes. I wear shirts and pants and sneaks and I drag myself when I walk. And yet ..

After all that s**t, people seem to still get along with me. And it's not because of how I look, or that I talk about disgusting s**t, or ask some guy why women must ******** bleed between their legs, because it is such a ******** gross concept. It's because I know myself, I know who I am, and I dig it. I flaunt it. I think that's what builds a person.

And ********, I'm a lady. I can be sexy and feminine when I want to be; and I do it naturally. Especially around my boyfran. I like to drive him nuts. 8D

But ********, yeah, off topic. I am a bit "too nice" and tend to get intimidated if someone attacks me or starts shooting questions at me. I close up, sort of like when a rolly-polly turns into a ball. I also have an awkward way of expressing myself; it's difficult for me to form sentences when I start talking about something I'm really into, and I start stuttering and slapping my thighs and trying to look for words, but I can't. I end up saying s**t that doesn't make sense and leaves the person across from me staring at me and saying 'you sure you don't do weed?' It ******** sucks, I wish I was more clever in that department. :C  

[Ythan II]

You do feel selfish and week and repress it. I think.  

[Quaint Ethos]

I've never really been in a situation where being my size or strength worries me.

If my friends mess with me I go into b***h mode and they back off, and if 'stranger danger' happens I carry pepper spray in my purse.
Although, it's probably useless 'cause it takes me 10 minutes to find anything in there. >>

 

[Potsy]

Well I guess I am the opposite. I carry myself in a very fun loving, happy go lucky way, but if you cross me and I feel it necessary I will pull out my knife, and I will knife you. End of story. I am physically capable of breaking down a door with my steel toes, and I have before (only to free my friend from a squat house she got boarded up into). My brother Toasty studied a lot of martial arts and taught me a bunch of easy, and effective holds and submissions, and my fiance was in the marine corps and taught me some amazing knife handling. As far as the way I carry myself goes I really don't like people to view me as the crazy b***h that will ******** knife you that I really am.

I like the element of surprise... and my crazy a** stabbin-hobo fiance will probably knife you before me. haha


My advice is to you is to learn how to use your knife properly, and then start carrying it with you. Maybe take a self defense class. There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect yourself, and if you feel vulnerable, you should do something about it!