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A general roleplay guild with emphasis on improving RPers. 

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Reply 05 Character Profiles and Development
Maddness Profiles. Critique please!!

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Ephynas Puggle

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 6:51 pm


Gaian Name: Jasmine_Jealousy776
RP name: Naomi
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Race: Unknown
Orientation: Straight
Abilities: Mind control to the EXTREME
Personality: Controling and demanding when she has to be. Otherwise she's playful and a tease. She has a very strange veiw on the world and a weird mind set. Anyone that isn't in the Madness gang would say she's insane and needed to be locked up.
Background: Naomi realized her power at a young age and worked for hours to prefect it. After such a horrible child hood, she started thinking in different ways than everyone else. She became twisted and warped. And after a few days of serious thought, she collected her closest friends and Created the Madness gang. She is their leader.
Appearance: User Image

Gaian Name: Jasmine_Jealousy776
Rp Name: Rino
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Race: neko
Orientation: bisexual
Abilities: Seeing into the future
Personality: Laid back and calm. He's usually relaxed no matter what situation he's in. He actually tends to use his head unlike alot of the members. Because of his personality, he seems to be the one pulled in by all the bad influences. He even smokes.
Background: He was enjoying a cigarette one night when Naomi asked him to join her. He figured he might as well, heck it could be alot of fun. He's known about the streets for being able to dodge any attack and come up with a counter for any move.
Appearence: User Image
PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:11 am


      Ok, I'll try to formulate what seems strange to me in those profiles.

      Naomi.
      You mentioned that her childhood was horrible. Why it was so? Just because she had worked to perfect her gift? There is no details that could explain how Naomi became what she is now.
      There is a mention that she has friends. How she met them? Why are they close to her, what traits of her attracted them?
      The gang. What was the reason for creating it? What are their goals?

      Rino
      Just like in case of Naomi, his background is really poor. How they met? Why Naomi asked him to join?
      Also, give him a flaw of some sort. That ability to dodge and counterattack anything is on the verge of Gary Stu's. For example, make his gift backfire to him, like in some situations (under pressure, perhaps) he sees several versions of future and is unable to choose any, because all of them looks to him equally correct.

Morioka Ruriko

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Ephynas Puggle

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 1:29 pm


Morioka Ruriko
      Ok, I'll try to formulate what seems strange to me in those profiles.

      Naomi.
      You mentioned that her childhood was horrible. Why it was so? Just because she had worked to perfect her gift? There is no details that could explain how Naomi became what she is now.
      There is a mention that she has friends. How she met them? Why are they close to her, what traits of her attracted them?
      The gang. What was the reason for creating it? What are their goals?

      Rino
      Just like in case of Naomi, his background is really poor. How they met? Why Naomi asked him to join?
      Also, give him a flaw of some sort. That ability to dodge and counterattack anything is on the verge of Gary Stu's. For example, make his gift backfire to him, like in some situations (under pressure, perhaps) he sees several versions of future and is unable to choose any, because all of them looks to him equally correct.


okay. I don't want to put everything into the background that is on display to everyone. its just the basic background, people figure stuff out as the rp moves along.
PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 1:30 pm


is htere anything you like??

Ephynas Puggle

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05 Character Profiles and Development

 
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