Addiction | Page 1 | To be or not to be, to write the right? | Guild Forums

x Solo Lobo x

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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:09 pm

im addicted
to this weird thing
it makes me feel
happy and sad

it makes me scream
it makes me cry
when i lose it
i want to die

this thing called love
thats what it is
everyone
wants to have it

not many get it
alot lose it
then they just get
an addiction

they cry and cry
then bleed and scream
until they realise
they're addicted

Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:10 pm

this is a little dark. and the story is over the place but i been wanting to write it for ages

x Solo Lobo x

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ExileDeath
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:17 pm

It has a decent flow.
Its really good,
but line 11 and 16 bug me.
Its nothing really there.
Just blah, it kinda stops the flow.
Like IM driving 60 MPH and just randomly hit the breaks then the gas again.

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 3:37 pm

This is so relatable.
And somehow you keep reminding me of other works that I've written and should put up.

I disagree with Exile. Literary works do not have to flow. I think if you had used other words, or extended it the meaning and mood wouldn't be the same as it is. Everyone is unique though, so the feeling, mood, and perspective of writings are perceived differently.

santinodemarco1
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ExileDeath
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 4:12 pm

santinodemarco1

This is so relatable.
And somehow you keep reminding me of other works that I've written and should put up.

I disagree with Exile. Literary works do not have to flow. I think if you had used other words, or extended it the meaning and mood wouldn't be the same as it is. Everyone is unique though, so the feeling, mood, and perspective of writings are perceived differently.

Ive already stated before I know poems dont have to flow.
Yet this one has a flow but stops at random places.
You cant have an unflow flow!

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:13 pm

i get what you are saying exile. the problem with this poem was that i was trying to keep the same rhythm for the entire poem. and so i couldnt find the right words to say what i wanted in those lines.

thanx exile and santino

x Solo Lobo x

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santinodemarco1
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:20 pm

you're welcome :]

i still think the rhythm is fine though razz lol

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