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 Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:28 pm
Firyal rolled out of her pallet and rubbed her eyes mercilessly. Despite the tight braid she'd put it in the night before, wisps of her long brown hair had escaped to form a halo around her face and a few longer tendrils had worked free to curl like the hair at the nape of her neck. It was obviously going to be one of those mornings, she thought as she unbraided her hair and began the process of brushing it. She did this with short, quick strokes at first to work through the inevitable tangles that would form at the bottom few inches, and then longer, slower strokes to smooth her mass of hair into something manageable. When she was done she twisted it into a lazy bun and secured it with a hairstick. She went through the rest of her grooming process and dressed in the somber colors she had always favored, even while living at Ista Weyr, with its heat and more liberal attitudes toward dress. She had always felt that she was invisible there, and dressed to match it. After thinking about it and reading some of her grandfather's treatises on mindhealing she had decided that she avoided bright colors most of the time because she would rather blame her perceived invisibility on her clothing than consider that there was actually something about her that made people's gaze slide over her.
By the time Firyal had dressed her pair of firelizards had woken up and were making soft noises to politely remind her that they had not been fed since yesterday, and would not object at all to being fed again this very instant. She could tell from their empathic bond that they would only get more insistent and more vocal if she ignored their perceived plight for too much longer. She fed them quickly and quietly and then went outside to wait for her friends to arrive. The were going to the wharf to watch the fishermen leave for the day, and that meant waking obscenely early. Firyal didn't want to disturb the other members of her family, though they were all early risers themselves. Numenor and Chance draped themselves over her as they waited in the chill morning air.
The firelizards had adjusted beautifully to life with her family, who had a tendency to spoil the firelizards if Firyal didn't prevent it. Her mother adored the creatures, particularly admiring standoffish Numenor, who had decided that she alone of Firyal's family might be an acceptable person. Her grandfather tended to favor Chance, who simply loved attention in any form, and would be happy to play chase with his fingers or sleep on his lap for hours. Firyal's grandmother had no time for flits, being the sensible, farm-raised woman that she was, but she tolerated them well, and both flits - even Numenor - courted her attention with little success.
Firyal herself had taken a little longer to readjust to life in a hold. It had been so strange to run into people she'd known until she was thirteen. It shocked her deeply to realize that she was something of a celebrity, and that they considered her endlessly fascinating. They wanted to know every detail of Weyr life, from the least glamorous Candidate chores to the excitement of mating flights. Their lives seemed like they had been so strikingly dull and normal in comparison to hers, though she'd never really thought of her life as particularly interesting before she realized that they thought she had lived a charmed life, even if she hadn't Impressed a dragon. She had two firelizards, they pointed out, and that was nearly as good. Privately, while Firyal loved her firelizards more than she liked most people, she still felt that she had failed in her tenure at Ista, and that these people simply had lower standards of excellence to strive for, but she laughed with them and forced herself to be friendly, even when she wanted to retreat to someplace sunny and secluded.
More shocking had been when a young man first showed interest in her. That had actually led to some difficulties, because the fabled licentiousness of the Weyr worked against her. They believed - or pretended to believe - that she was one of those infamous women who would share her furs with anyone who asked. Firyal had been quick and brutal in setting them straight, both about her and the other women at the Weyr, citing regulation that forbade sexual relations between Weyrlings and strongly discouraged it among Candidates. Some of those she turned away had called her a b***h and asked if it wasn't just because they weren't Dragonriders, and reminded her that she and her family weren't as special as they liked to believe, but not all of them. Some of them listened to what she was saying and nearly startled the life out of her by deciding to stick around and get to know her. Their casual flirting took some getting used to, but after a few sevendays she was able to participate in their banter and give back as good as she got.
Her firelizards remained her most effective ambassadors, which was nothing new, and if Firyal couldn't bring herself to make any particularly close friends, she at least had a number of friendly acquaintances. A part of her was convinced that the novelty of knowing someone who had lived at a Weyr for the better part of seven years would wear off and people would lose interest in her, and some did, but there was a core group of seven or eight people who continued to persist in inviting her out to do things with them or coming to visit her when she was home, helping her grandparents organize the book they were writing together on working with patients whose minds weren't whole. Her grandfather wrote from a mindhealer's perspective and her grandmother from the perspective of a healer who had specialized in dealing with the handicaps of the mentally infirm. It would be a comprehensive volume, and Firyal was proud to be helping them with it, even if she'd had nothing to do with gathering the knowledge that went into it.
So maybe she wasn't exactly happy, but she was the closest to happy that she could remember being, and she was at least content. It didn't stop her from feeling a twinge of pain when bells rang out that day more than half a year after her arrival, declaring that a Dragonrider had come on Search. She was just leaving with her new friends to watch the small fishing crafts depart when the bells sounded and both of the people with her, Wendelie and Koris, looked at her expectantly. They urged her to go. They wanted to, since they were still young enough to be Searched, technically, and they wanted to see if the Dragonrider was someone she knew. Firyal protested that there had been a huge number of Riders at Ista, and there was every chance that she would not know this one, and it was even less likely that they would know her. In the end she found herself half-dragged to the open area where Searches always took place, calling the pair with her all manner of foul names.
She was fine with talking about the Weyr, but she didn't want to come face to face with someone she might know. There wouldn't be anyone from the most recent Hatching because their dragons were too young, but she might recognize the Rider regardless. If she was lucky, she decided, he or she wouldn't recognize her. Firyal wasn't sure she could handle being thrust into a social situation with an Istan Dragonrider, particularly one who knew her. She didn't want to be upbraided for departing as she had, without saying goodbye. Not that she wanted to be reminded how invisible she'd been, either. Nearly seven years in a place, and very few of its occupants recognized her. It wasn't exactly flattering. All in all, Firyal was convinced this was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:29 pm
E'rik was more than a little ashamed of how long it had taken him to notice that Firyal was no longer at Ista. Initially he had thought she was simply being scarce as a result of her disappointment from the Hatching, or that maybe she was in the Healers' care for the injuries she'd sustained from Rinfala's Arioth, but when he'd recovered from his own Hatching activities and gone in search of her, he'd found that she was neither in the dormitory or the infirmary. Indeed, she had not been to the infirmary at all following the Hatching, and no one he spoke to could recall having seen her since the Hatching. That, in and of itself, was nothing strange, for she did have a talent for being unobtrusive, but he also learned that she had not reported for any of her assigned chores, and that her name had disappeared from the duty roster.
He spoke to the Candidatemaster and discovered that she had made arrangements with a Bluerider from another Weyr to be flown home. This was days after his initial discovery that she was nowhere to be found, for he had been kept very busy with his new assignment to Monsoon Wing. Learning this had been like a slap in the face to him. She could have asked him, but had made a deliberate decision not to do so. He would have refused, of course, had she asked, but that was beside the point. She should have told him of her plans and allowed him to talk her out of them. For the next several days the Brownrider fumed about that, but it eventually sank in that Firyal really might not have wanted him to talk her out of it. If she had wanted to be talked out of it, he realized, she would have come to him.
It was that quandary and the fact that his Wing was keeping him in a perpetual state of exhaustion with drills which prevented E'rik from making any sort of move to contact Firyal sooner. In the moments between falling into his furs and falling asleep he sometimes thought he might send Cobalt to her, but he was usually too tired to muster the force of will to turn it into the sort of command his blue firelizard could interpret and obey, and so it never happened. More than half a turn passed while he debated internally whether Firyal would welcome any sort of involvement on his part in her life outside the Weyr, and it made him irritable and difficult to be around. In the end the people who had to deal with him most made the decision for him, telling him to deal with whatever problem he was dealing with and get over it.
As far as he was concerned, that meant finding Firyal and learning whether she wanted to come back to the Weyr. He wanted her to return to Ista. He missed her, though he wouldn't have had much time for her recently, it was true. A selfish part of him wasn't at all interested in that, he just wanted things to be the way he wanted them. He had liked having Firyal in his life, and he wanted her back where she belonged. Once he'd determined that he would find Firyal and talk to her, try to convince her to return to Ista, E'rik's mood improved and he began to make plans. It still took some time for him to find enough free time to make a trip to Nerat, though. Dara held memories of Firyal still, but they were dim. Nevertheless, he was able to communicate to Cobalt better than E'rik that he was to find Firyal.
Once Cobalt had done so, keeping hidden, as instructed, he returned to E'rik and showed him where she was. A lot of hastily conducted research helped E'rik identify the exact hold in Nerat she occupied. It wasn't something that had ever come up in their conversations, E'rik had realized, which was why it had been necessary to take the weeks to school Cobalt in his role in finding her. Having found out where she was, E'rik finished his plans and he and Dara set off for Nerat as early as he could bestir himself. Dara grumbled at the early hour, but he knew he was doing something which would make his bondmate very happy, and he didn't mind too much. He'd been as uncomfortable as everyone else while E'rik was unhappy. More so, in some respects, because he was used to being able to share his human's thoughts, but his human was blocking him out, as he occasionally did.
They were of an accord, however, when they finally appeared in the sky over Nerat. E'rik knew he would have to have some excuse for just appearing as he had, without warning the dragon stationed there, and the easiest excuse was riding Search, even though Ista didn't need any more Candidates. He'd deal with that if it became an issue, he decided. As he landed, people were already gathering and a bell was already ringing. He recognized the tones. By the time his feet were on the ground, E'rik was facing the holder and his Search excuse spilled glibly from his lips. More bells were rung to summon potential Candidates and E'rik mentally reminded Daramulath that he was not really to Search, and that they were just here to take Firyal, if she would answer the summons.
He wasn't sure what he would do if she didn't answer the summons, but he realized he didn't have to worry. He saw her dragged between two others of their age. Every line of her body said she didn't want to be there. Jealousy flared when he saw others near their age come stand near her and talk excitedly to her, gesturing toward him and his dragon. He couldn't guess what they were saying. Maybe they were asking if she knew him. Maybe not. He had grown used to the idea that he was probably her best friend at Ista, and he was selfishly not pleased that she seemed to have made friends in Nerat.
What's wrong? Daramulath asked, following his human's gaze. She looks happy.
She does, E'rik replied grudgingly. But this isn't where she belongs.
He held a conversation with his dragon, debating the merits of his plan now that he had seen she was happy where she was, while they both went through the motions of Searching. E'rik didn't feel anything like as guilty for the lie as he ought to, and Daramulath told himself that if E'rik was comfortable with it, he had no issues with the deception either. At last he and his large brown dragon reached the knot of older youths that included Firyal. It was an effort of will to not look at Firyal, to stare at her and try to find some trace that she was secretly unhappy. He took a perverse satisfaction in the skittish reactions of her companions to Daramulath's proximity.
You're not being nice, Daramulath chided. She might not like that.
E'rik ignored the brown's observation and they finished the Search. At the end, E'rik pointed to Firyal, looking at her for the first time. "You," he said, "belong at the Weyr."
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 4:36 pm
Firyal had not been able to restrain herself from staring at E'rik as he had resisted looking at her. She knew it had not been an accident, his coming to her hold, and she wasn't so stupid or unimaginative that she couldn't come up with any number of reasons for him to be there. It wasn't even difficult to imagine why it had taken him more than six months to finally put in an appearance. As her friends nudged her and whispered to her, Firyal's mind raced. She had recognized Daramulath from the first, and even as she tried and failed to explain to her friends coherently she watched E'rik with what could only be described as a stricken expression. They noted her expression and were obviously making an effort to reconcile it with her story, but as Daramulath drew nearer their whispers fell silent and each of them quailed under the gentle brown's scrutiny.
Hello, Dara, she thought shyly. It was a breach of etiquette for her to address him thus, but she decided to ignore that. She had long ago been given permission to address Dara without going through E'rik, and she didn't think Dara had rescinded it just because she had left the Weyr.
Looking at Daramulath was a relief. His enormous, expressive eyes were absorbing, and even though he was close enough for her to smell his last bloody meal on his breath. It was a scent she was used to, having a pair of firelizards who had the same carnivorous diet by and large, and liked to sleep on and around her head. It was familiar. Daramulath was familiar. So was E'rik, but Daramulath was not as difficult for her. Neither was Cobalt, who was reacquainting himself with Numenor and Chance in her peripheral vision. This was all so surreal. Like something in the stories she used to make up.
"You belong at the Weyr."
The arrogant command E'rik put into that statement was astounding. But something deep in Firyal's subconscious responded to it. He was right. He was right, but she didn't know if he could stand to be at the Weyr. She couldn't before, and she didn't know if she could now. There were so many memories of disappointment and failure there, and so few of being happy, and though her dark mood had been at bay for the entirety of her time home, she didn't know if it would stay away if she returned to Ista. There were other things to consider, too. A lot of other things.
Her friends were noisily congratulating her, pressing hugs on her and kissing her cheeks. She hated that sort of casual contact, but she endured it stoically. Her eyes never left E'rik throughout. He met her gaze and held it, and for a moment it was as it had been between her and Daramulath. It was like they were the only people in the world for an instant. It was a little frightening to see that sort of intensity in his brown eyes as he looked at her. It was impossible, she was certain, that he could have any sort of romantic interest in her, but it felt for a moment that there was some sort of connection between them. Probably it was just that their eyes had met through the small crowd of congratulatory folk forming around her.
"E'rik," she said softly, "what are you doing?"
She didn't know if he would hear her, or if any of his other Harper skills would allow him to guess what she'd said. The people closest to her didn't seem to notice that she'd said anything at all. She moved through the crowd, shamelessly using Numenor and Chance to encourage people to clear a path and absently accepting congratulations. The closer she got to E'rik, the more she was sure that this hadn't all been on the level. Even if he was right, and she did belong at the Weyr, she didn't want to be brought to Ista because of a farce played out for whatever reason E'rik felt he had for this.
When she got close enough to speak to him without being overheard, she looked up at him and said, "I don't trust this. Reassure me this isn't some elaborate hoax you've concocted."
It probably wasn't the greeting he'd been expecting, but surely he knew her well enough to know she wasn't the sort to run through the square and throw her arms around him. It had crossed her mind for a fraction of a second when she saw Daramulath, but the thought hadn't even had time to form fully before she dismissed it as the sort of idiocy to which she would never succumb. If he hugged her first, however, she would not resist. But he wouldn't, because he was as fond of personal space as she was, and as disinclined to gratuitous physical contact. Her firelizards hovered behind her now, unsure based on her conflicted emotions how to react. She felt much the same.
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 10:08 am
E'rik had known from the instant he spoke that he would have to have a very good argument ready to convince Firyal to come with him, and he'd spent quite some time working on his argument, though it basically boiled down to the fact that he missed her and thought she had been stupid to leave the Weyr. He didn't plan to say that last part, obviously. Calling Firyal stupid had never been a particularly good way to get her to go along with anything. He might as well talk to a rock for all the good it would do his cause to call her stupid or imply that she'd done something stupid. It had always been an unspoken rule that she was the only one allowed to criticize herself seriously, though she dealt well with joking criticisms and insults.
E'rik, Dara said. She does belong at the Weyr.
At that point E'rik, who had already been watching Firyal's reaction carefully, made eye contact with her through the crowd of those offering congratulations and well-wishes. They all assumed she would return to the Weyr without a thought. Clearly they didn't know her as well as he did. Even if he told her Daramulath had legitimately Searched her, she probably wouldn't be willing to just jump onto Dara's back. She probably wouldn't even believe him at first. He should probably clarify to make sure that was what Dara meant.
Are you saying you actually Searched her? E'rik asked, putting it as plainly as he could. He continued to hold Firyal's gaze. She said something, but he was too far away to make it out and not adept enough at reading lips to have a chance at guessing what she'd said. It probably hadn't been to him anyway.
I think so. I don't think I've ever really done a Search. Dara's hesitance was not helping E'rik in the least. He completely lacked the ability to sense whatever it was dragons sensed in the humans they Searched, and so he had no way of knowing what Dara knew.
You have. Nearly a turn ago. Brishen, E'rik reminded his dragon without breaking eye contact. He showed Daramulath instances from that Search, their first and last one and felt his dragon's acceptance.
Yes. This feels like that did. I think. I wish you could sense these things, too. It would make this easier. Dara seemed disgruntled by their failure to communicate, which E'rik could understand. E'rik, himself, was used to being able to communicate well, and had grown accustomed to Dara's instant understanding when they spoke.
Meanwhile Firyal was making her way to him. When she was close enough to speak to him, E'rik could tell from her expression that she wasn't about to hug him and thank him for taking her away from all this. If he read her expression right, she was probably going to demand some sort of explanation. She certainly didn't look as thrilled as a person in her position ought to be. Or as shocked, which was supposedly the other common reaction. He was right, which was a bit of a disappointment. He would have liked to have been wrong about Firyal's suspicions.
"Daramulath says you belong at the Weyr," he answered. Even though it was the truth, it was also an evasion. Her question had been very near the mark.
You shouldn't have made such a big production about this, Dara said. It's going to be very embarrassing if she turns us down flat.
I'm making such a big production out of it because it's less likely she'll turn us down that way. It's why you want to ask someone to marry you in a crowd, so that they can't refuse without seeming like a bad person in front of a lot of people.
That's not fair.
No. But it's effective. The problem is, I'm pretty sure she's figured that out. He weighed the possibilities. She might just refuse him to be contrary, though it seemed unlikely. For the briefest moment after he'd pointed to her he'd seen her expression. She still wanted a dragon, and that was probably the most powerful bargaining chip he had right now. If he could just make her believe that this wasn't something he'd staged for her benefit, even though it had begun that way.
"Firyal." He paused. He'd been about to make an argument that would have mentioned how he wouldn't do anything to make her life difficult, but intuition struck and he got the feeling that wasn't the answer that would get him what he wanted. "I missed you. I worried about you. You left without a word to anyone, and you've not sent any word since."
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 6:56 pm
That b*****d! Sometimes Firyal couldn't decide whether she liked the boy or hated him. He knew exactly what to say and how to manipulate her. He'd known that he sounded evasive with his "Daramulath says you belong at the Weyr" bit. Though she had never known him to misquote Daramulath, she had occasionally seen him deliberately misconstrue or misrepresent the dragon. She knew Dara disliked it when E'rik did that, and so he did it but rarely, but he still did it sometimes. She thought this might be one of those times.
"You missed me." She wasn't even sure what kind of inflection to put on it. It was partly an incredulous question, partly a sarcastic statement. She couldn't pick a facial expression, either, and ended up with one of slack-jawed bemusement.
Someone jostled her and she moved forward to keep her balance, nearly overbalancing into E'rik. She recovered before they actually came in contact with each other. Both of them were very fond of their personal space, and tended to each respect the other's preference for it whenever possible. She heard someone behind her say that he was going to tell her parents the news. Wonderful. She wasn't sure what element that would add to this whole ridiculous scam, but it would undoubtedly be a complicating factor. As if there weren't enough of those.
"What do you want from me, E'rik?" Just asking this made her tired, and her weariness showed suddenly in every line of her body as she just wilted. She knew E'rik would get what he wanted, whatever he wanted, from her in the end, because she couldn't resist him for long. He knew too well how to manipulate her. She didn't want to fight him. It was exhausting just thinking about it, and somewhat disheartening to know he was going to win eventually anyway.
She pushed her hair out of her eyes. It had fallen from its bun while her friends dragged her to answer the call to be Searched, she guessed. It was in her eyes now, and a nuisance, and she had nothing to pull it back with. This was the last straw, figuratively speaking. She gave a frustrated sigh and shook her head violently so that her hair fell over her face and shoulders. She took another step forward so that she was really pushing the boundaries of personal space for both herself and E'rik. Leaning forward with her arms wrapped around herself, she touched her forehead lightly to his sternum.
"This isn't fair, E'rik. You just appearing like this and telling me I belong at the Weyr. Why did you wait so long? I have a life here, now. My family and I are getting along for the first time since I can remember. I have people who like me - friends. If I go back to the Weyr as a Candidate, I'll have maybe another two Hatchings if I'm lucky and the golds are particularly randy. Then what? Do I come home again, or stay on to be perpetually reminded of what I can't have?"
She didn't know at what point she had gone from softly chastising him to crying, but she was undeniably crying by the time she finished, and she would have given just about anything to be able to go between like her firelizards could and escape from this awkward scenario, but she couldn't. She had nowhere else to run away to. Sensing her distress, Numenor and Chance scolded E'rik, but a rumble from Daramulath kept them at a distance. Firyal had forgotten about them for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry," she said, backing away from him and pulling herself together. "This was just unexpected. I had thought that volume of my life closed. You being here...I don't know how to react."
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:58 am
E'rik watched several emotions fight for dominance and recognition in Firyal's expression and tone. The calculating part of his mind pointed out that he could use her inner conflict to bring her around to seeing things his way, but he pushed the notion aside for the time being. He could become conniving later, if it proved necessary, but she would not thank him for it. It would be easier to let her come to the decision on her own, and that was she probably wouldn't be mad at him as long.
For his own part, he cocked his head to one side and grinned lopsidedly. "Yeah. I missed you. That's what friends do."
In response to her next question, which obviously cost her a great deal to ask, though he wasn't sure why it should, E'rik replied, "I'm here because I wanted to see you, and since you didn't bother to say goodbye or anything, I wasn't sure you would be willing to see me unless I came up with some sort of other reason. I thought you'd at least be curious about a Search, even if you didn't want to participate."
Seeing how asking what he wanted seemed to suck the energy from her had given him a sharp stab of guilt. How she reacted next felt a bit like being punched in the gut, and actually made him somewhat queasy. When he had been making his plans, he'd imagined that she would not have adjusted well to hold life, and that she and her family would be at odds once more. He'd expected that she would spend her days mostly alone but for the company of her firelizards. It hadn't occurred to him that she might have decided to make a go of it in Nerat and put down roots. He was a little jealous, though he had no reason to be.
He didn't like it when people invaded his personal space, and his first instinct when Firyal did so was to take a step back to preserve it, but he checked the impulse and let her get uncomfortably close, and then actually touch him, though the contact was minimal. Seemingly, his presence was a greater disturbance in her life than he had anticipated. Naturally, being Searched was a significant event, but her reaction definitely wasn't to being Searched. It was to everything that it represented to her, he guessed. She had more memories of the Weyr than most people did. By showing up as he had and asking her to return, he was asking a lot of her, he supposed. But was he asking too much?
E'rik wasn't good with people who were crying. They made him feel impotent, and his inclination was almost invariably to flee the scene before he could be pulled into it. Because Firyal needed him not to do that, E'rik put his arms around her gingerly and held her until she stepped away from him. And he listened to what she was saying, even when she became more difficult to understand because she was crying. It would help him to know what she was thinking. She had hoped he - or someone - would come sooner. And she was worried about her future, and whether she could contend with the possibility of failure. Understandable concerns, considering her age and history.
"It's all right," E'rik said soothingly when Firyal had recovered herself somewhat. "I didn't think about how I might disrupt your life. I was really only thinking about how much of a disruption your absence has been in my life for the last several months."
Daramulath had moved forward a little and he said to E'rik, Tell her that I remember her.
"Dara says he remembers you. You know how important a person has to be for a dragon to remember them after so long?"
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Posted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 3:38 pm
That's what friends do. It was, wasn't it? Firyal mulled this over in her head. She had considered E'rik one of her friends when she was living at Ista, but her generally pessimistic outlook coupled with her cautiousness in personal matters had caused her to be very wary about assuming she occupied a similar place among his acquaintances. Logically, she knew they'd spent enough time together that he had to enjoy her company, or else he wouldn't have made time for her, but she'd been reluctant to make the connection that he might consider her a friend. Hearing him declare her a friend was more satisfying than it probably should have been, but she still had no idea how to react to it.
It was odd to hear E'rik say that he'd been concerned she would be unwilling to see him. She had never in the past told him she was too busy to spend time with him, and that was when he was one of many riders at a Weyr, which gave her more liberty to be casual than his status as brownrider at a Hold did. Of course, she had left without a word, but it had not occurred to her that he might be hurt by it. She'd been in such a dark mood, she had been convinced no one would even notice her absence. Still. E'rik was one of those confident people for whom everything always seemed to go right, and Firyal had a difficult time wrapping her mind around the thought that he'd felt it necessary to come up with a relatively elaborate charade to see her.
It did raise one question, however. More than one, really, but one that she had to ask, because her own confidence remained fragile and she was always more inclined to believe the worst of herself than the best. She wanted a definite answer, whether affirmative or negative, though she hoped it would be affirmative. "So, was I really Searched? Is this a Search?"
His embrace, though it was tentative and light, did much to reassure Firyal that she was not being completely foolish, and that he really did care for her somewhat. It wasn't a romantic gesture, and Firyal knew better than to imagine it as one. It was just reassuring, the sort of thing a friend would do to comfort another friend in distress. Which brought her back to to subject of her earlier musings. E'rik did seem to consider her a friend, which would explain much of his behavior. It still didn't explain why he had waited so long, but she had come up with several explanations on her own, the most obvious of which he wore at his shoulder: he had been made part of a fighting wing. She knew that was almost as all-absorbing as Impression for several months.
As tempting as it was to remain where she was, letting E'rik's presence reassure her that she had not been a complete nonentity for the entirety of her time at Ista, and that it made a difference to someone whether she was happy or not, Firyal knew that E'rik would not be comfortable in the position she'd forced him into. He had reassured her without taking off when she started crying, which was not something she'd ever thought to see. He'd told her with a self-defacing grin how quickly he tended to vanish around girls who burst into tears. She must be presenting a special challenge for him. Maybe she should have just squealed and thrown her arms around him like any other girl would have. But that was no longer an option, and so she stepped back.
Composing herself also had the fortunate effect of calming her firelizards, who had been distressed by her conflicting emotions. Her emotions were still conflicting, for she was still thrilled to see E'rik and Daramulath while simultaneous aching at the thought of returning to Ista to face what could only be more disappointment on the hatching sands, but she was able to master them once the initial shock of E'rik's presence diminished, which meant that her pair of firelizards would not be so unsettled. Nevertheless, both firelizards looked to her for comfort and reassurance as she had looked to E'rik. She gave it to them willingly, stroking their hides and allowing them to cling tightly to her person, even though Numenor's tail threatened to cut off her air supply.
"Your life has probably been too busy for my absence to be too much of a disruption...Wingrider." She smile slyly as she eyed the knot at his shoulder before the expression softened. "But thank you."
His revelation regarding Daramulath remembering her was startling. She did, in fact, know the significance of being remembered by a person's dragon after all this time. Even a dragon with Daramulath's comparatively long memory would not be able to hold her in his mind without being regularly reminded of her. E'rik must have spent more time thinking about her than she ever would have suspected, which lent more sincerity to all of his previous statements about missing her and her absence proving a disruption in his life. That was something to ponder, and the foolish part of her wanted to say that he'd discovered a romantic attachment to her, but she ignored that part of her mind, as she always did.
There were probably a million mundane reasons why she should be so regularly on his mind, and thus memorable to Dara. Simply by saying it E'rik had placed a degree of power in Firyal's hands. It was up to her to decide how to react to the information, as well as how to interpret it. The cynical part of her mind that she tended to listen to more frequently said that even if she had been so much on his mind, there was no guarantee it was for any sort of significant reason, and he was still manipulating her, even while seeming to give her power.
"I am flattered, Daramulath," she said, choosing for the moment to ignore E'rik and address the brown dragon directly, even though his answer would come to her through E'rik. "It is good to see you again. I hope you don't think I've been ignoring you while I speak to your rider."
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Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:36 pm
"As far as I can tell, yes. You were really Searched," E'rik answered. He had forgotten how much reassurance Firyal tended to crave when she was feeling particularly off-balanced, as she evidently was in this scenario. He recalled that it could get annoying over prolonged periods of time, and wondered if she, too, would remember how little he cared for it when she got that way.
Evidently she did, for she did not linger, which was a relief, and she collected herself relatively quickly once she had decided to do so. Blessedly, her firelizards also calmed down, which meant he didn't have to concern himself over whether he would be swarmed by irate 'lizards. It would be a bad beginning, to say the least. And watching Firyal deal so effortlessly with her pair of flits also served to remind E'rik of her myriad positive traits. And everyone had a few traits that grated on others' nerves. With Firyal, it was her lack of self-confidence and constant need for reassurance that she was not disliked. When she forgot that she was supposed to be worthless (he had no idea how she'd come to that conclusion) he really did enjoy her company, and he really had missed her a great deal. He had come here specifically to bring her back, had he not?
"You noticed that," he remarked with a slight grimace that was partially a grin, and a wholly unusual expression overall.
It wasn't that he was ashamed of his status - far from it. However, he had never aspired to be anything more than a Harper's Harper, not known outside the Hall. He probably would never have achieved a master's status, since his skill was in his voice, which could only fail after he reached a certain age. All that aside, he wasn't sure how he felt about being in a titled position of authority. Proud, of course, but it was also a little unusual to have others actually look up to him. He'd been a senior apprentice, but that was utterly different.
"Lots more has happened while you were here, you know. I'll tell you all about it." But he didn't continue from there, implying that he would share Weyr gossip with her once she agreed to come back to Ista with him. It was bait that he was dangling in front of her. Which was, perhaps, a bit petty, but he really wasn't sure that she would join him, and not knowing made him nervous and more inclined to try tactics he would have scorned ordinarily.
It took him a moment to realize that Firyal wasn't even listening to him, but was instead speaking to Daramulath, who seemed inordinately pleased with himself. He had been crouching, cat-like, in the background, but now he edged forward on his stomach, as though making an effort not to look too imposing or threatening. It was a ridiculous-looking motion, and when Firyal smirked and said as much he stopped and walked normally, which was a relief. By that time, Dara was speaking to him, telling him what to say to Firyal.
"I know you weren't ignoring me," E'rik quoted verbatim. "That's what Dara said, I mean. I think you might have been ignoring me when you were talking to him." He shut up. Daramulath was talking some more, and he was sounding like an idiot.
"Dara would like me to tell you, also, that he wasn't trying to flatter you. He was telling the truth. And he's pleased that the truth pleases you." Dara was not making a whole lot of sense.
You didn't tell her that you're pleased to see her, the brown pointed out. I sometimes think you make a very bad translator.
She knows I'm pleased to see her. It's implied by my very presence you silly beast.
Fine. Would you tell her, then, that she could rub my eyeridges if she'd like?
E'rik rolled his eyes and conveyed the brown's request, tacking on an apology. "I don't mean to put you to work right away. Dara just has no sense of propriety."
I have, Daramulath argued.
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