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 Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:22 pm
the royals are dead
gone are their heads
the king lays around
the queen making no sound
the whole deck is scared
they werent preprared
who killed them all
who made them fall
hearts have been killed
no body is thrilled
who were the aids
was it the spades
then up steps the hack
it was the sneaky jack
using his mace
and helped by his ace
he has gotten away
to kill another day
the deck now in bits
they all lying in pits
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:25 pm
my first poem in forever so it is a little choppy.
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Faithes light Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:29 pm
Very nice sweetie smile !
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:30 pm
Faithes light Very nice sweetie smile ! thanx
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santinodemarco1 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 8:38 pm
OhMyGod! Alice in Wonderland!! Heh; sorry I tend to freak when my obsession comes about lol.
What was your inspiration? Cuz I totally love this. And you so reminded me of a poem I'm gonna put up :]
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Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 9:57 pm
santinodemarco1 OhMyGod! Alice in Wonderland!! Heh; sorry I tend to freak when my obsession comes about lol.
What was your inspiration? Cuz I totally love this. And you so reminded me of a poem I'm gonna put up :] um i dont know really i had a deck of cards sitting next to my computer and i just recently watched shanghai knights (in which he advisor tries to kill the queen). it all just came to my head really oh and thanx ^_^
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santinodemarco1 Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 12:18 pm
Hmm, intriguing. Very interesting as well since it relates soo much to AiW.
And Shanghai Knights was a pretty good movie actually. Didn't think I would like something of that genre, but it was good.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:29 pm
You're right, it was a lil choppy.
It had decent flow, but no connection.
The first part was good until the queen, four words spaces evenly balanced until the last line.
Something you need to learn about poetry, is that its just music in rythmic flow. Not everything needs to rhyme.
It was a story, a good one at that. To me is speaks of a kingdom destroyed from coruption.
I mean we all have our own oppinions on someone elses work, its to be interpurated to be on someone elses own.
I'd give it a 6/10
Great job, cant wait to read the next one!
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