Welcome to Gaia! ::

I just feel like I need to share this with you.

When I was four years old, my mother and father divorced, and I never saw my dad again. I had my mother, my grandmother, uncles, aunts and cousins. I even had an alcholic grandfather. A loveing support group.

When my friends were baptized and confirmed they had a large circle of uncles, grandfathers, brothers and most improtant thier father to complete the priesthood circle. I used to judge how much a person was loved by how big thier confirmation circle was. For what ever reason, I had decided that the more hands upon the head, meant more love. And I always felt cheated.

When I was baptized my circle was my three uncles, and the bishop bric.
So according to my measuring stick I came up short in the love department.
I had no pristhood holder in my home.

I was close to my heavenly father. When I learned that God and Jesus were seprate people, I knew it had to be true. For he was the only true father I had.
I would tell him about my day. I would explain to him about my achs and pains, about my lonelyness, and my sadness. And he comfroted me. He listend to me.
I prayed for seven years for a father to love me. For a father to complete my circle. Every morning and every night for seven years.

Then at age 10 my mother re-married. He drank, he smoked. He never went to church. Again my circle was not complete. Though I had my Heavenly father and thats all I needed.

Then four years latter he became active in the church. Because my sister wanted him to baptize her. He got the priesthood to accomplish that. and my parents were Sealed, and a new baby entered the family. So my little brother had a complete circle, and I felt left out. I was angry. One year later I was adopted by my step father and sealed to him. Which was nice.

But, He never gave any fathers blessings like my friends got.
I never felt that circle of love. And still I relyed only on my Heavenly Father.

At age 21 I served a mission. Once again I had a circle of uncles, one "grandpa" and of course my new "dad". and I felt my circle of love was not complete.
for my "dad" and I had so many differences and problems with oneanother.
It was just something that was.

I recived my First, and ONLY fathers blessing when I came home from my mission. And only because the Stake President asked me to ask my father to give me one. My "dad" relunctantly gave it to me.

Three years Later I married my husband in the temple of My Heavenly Father.
And for the first time in my life I felt that circle of Love.
My Father in Heaven came to my sealing.
My Uncles, My new grandfather, and my new father was thier.
My Father-in-Law, and my brothers-in-Law were thier.

At our wedding breakfast, I remember the peace that Heavenly Father gave me as I sat and looked out on my circle of Love.
I felt a peace and a love I had never felt before.
My circle was complete.
I had the one thing I always wanted.

And through it all Heavenly Father was always part of my circle of Love.
and now I realize it.
He is the only ture Father I have ever known.

Yes my "dad" is part of my life, but still it's a bit strained.

I know what it's like for seminary teachers to tell me that I wont be with my family in heaven, because I wasn't sealed.

I know what it's like for primary teachers to tell me that it's okay that I don't have a dad, but I won't be with my mom in heaven.

Thoes things hurt so much. And through it all the one father that made it all better was always at my side. encourageing me. Loveing me. Helping me.

I know that God our Father in Heaven is the Literal Father of our Spirits and the Creator of our bodies. and he is more, he is an active participant in our lives, weather or not we realize it.
He loves us.

Thank you Gwyndara.

*Hugs Gwyn* Thanks. That was really awesome. *wipes away tears* Dang it, I'm crying again...

I sort of know how you feel. My parents just spilt up a few months ago. I never really felt like he was ever apart of my life, so ive never really known what its like to have a dad. I always looked at other girls with there perfect relationships with there dads, and couldnt help feeling jelous, knowing ill probably never have that w/ my dad. He has never been much of a roll modle, insperatoin, or protection that a real dad is saposed to be. He wasnt very spiritual, and i felt i was missing that part of my family as well. But my mom almost made up for it, she is one of the most amzing people i know.
Thank you for sharing that, you sound like an amazingly strong person, and i want you to know that your post has helped me take this into a whole new perspective of my situation
thank you agian