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 Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 5:33 pm
This has no title yet. PLease be constuctive cristicm and yeah my grammar is terrible,
Prologue
The large burly sage smiled at the young candidate who clung close to her protector, a Weather Mage who was gently ushering the child forward. The little girl clinched the mage's swirled blue hem in her hands; she stared wide-eyed at the bulky man. He puffed out and cooed to the frightened child, his arms opened wide. The child walked forward slowly to the man, a glance stolen to his hand clasped around a small wooden box. The protector urged the child forward when she paused several feet away from the man.
" Another shy one Brieis?"
" Not usually, she tends to be to outgoing." The elderly man chuckled when the child finally drew near enough for him to halt her. The alabaster eyes penetrated him as he fetched the key to the box from his robes. It opened with soft click and the light from the window poured over the jewels laying on the soft velvet. The little girl shied away from the crystals, mouth agape at the shimmering jewels.
"It's alright Gwendalyn, they will not harm you." Brieis lead the child forward, nearer to the box than before. With extreme caution Gwendalyn reached out to the jewels, her shaking hand not a foot away before the darkest of the gems surged forward. It leapt up in the air with a quick brilliance.
" A child of Darkness, she is gifted then." The sage moved to collect the gem from the air, halting when the jewel of Darkness and Shadows jerked away from him.
" More likely cursed. Her parents are unknown and thought to be of the thousands lost in the earthquake a few years ago, Orasme." Gwendalyn laughed gleefully as the mage chased the crystal. Orasme chuckled at the scene of the dignified mage launching herself at the gem.
" Gwendalyn, will you please return the crystal." She stared cluelessly at him." You know how to control the crystal; you are doing it right now. Just have it join the others in the box."
He tipped the box more towards her to ebb her curiosity. Inside the box were other crystals the same size and cut as the Darkness crystal. Next to the hole of the currently missing gem was a gem of Light and truth that shone with inner brilliance, then the blood red crystal was Fire and rebirth, there was a forest green crystal of Earth and life, the second to last was a crystal clear gem of Wind and freedom, and at the end was a deep blue crystal of Water and spirit. Each of the other crystals were shining softly.
The dark crystal halted in flight, pausing in indecision before hurtling at the box. It crashed into the Light gem and Orasme pushed it the rest of the way into its spot.
" Brieis." The dwarfish girl turned towards him hesitantly. " No doubt the Headmasters will wish to accept her immediately." She acknowledged him, the child reverently following the mage at a close interval. " And not doubt the council will wish to know at once of this child." The sage added softly to himself, setting the crystals at right before returning the box into the satchel at his side.
He crossed her name lightly in to the parchment on the table at his side adding to the side Darkness. The message was sent to the administrators at the temple. He scrolled a short message after it, describing the events that occurred.
He could feel the child's power in its unlimited strength. A rare strength in one so young, it was often prior to cataclysmic events.
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:19 pm
It has promise, and lots of it, just needs a little polishing and then you'd be well on your way! Personally I would wait until another time to explain what each of the crystals stood for, I would just mention the colors. And the idea of a magic school run by a 'headmaster' (or 'headmasters') has been done. I suggest re-naming the 'headmaster' and try keep it as far from a normal school as you can.
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:51 am
It needs to be tweazed and dusted here ad there. It's good. A little elbow grease and it'll be great.
Also, keep anything and everything you write. If you don't like it now, you might love it two years from now. Plus it's fun to go over and critique your old writing forms. Learn when you write best, what mood you're in, where you are, etc.
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